What would you do please?

shellsuit

A personal question sorry but understand if you don't wish to answer!

I know you have said that he doesn't use his mouth 'down south', but does he use his hands/fingers down there at all?

WestWalesWannabee

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

What's your gut reaction to that? Fantastic, want to, or still not sure?

Not sure because of how i feel about the kissing issue. I'd have to be pretty sure I could live without it before I made that committment. That's a touch choice to make. I love him but don't want to get back with him worrying about whether we're going to split up because of the kissing problem. Hence this post to try and figure out what i'm going to do.

WestWalesWannabee

shellsuit wrote: »

A personal question sorry but understand if you don't wish to answer!

I know you have said that he doesn't use his mouth 'down south', but does he use his hands/fingers down there at all?

Yes he does but doesn't know what he's doing unfortunately. I know that sounds awful but it's the whole lack of experience thing. Again tried pointing him in the right direction but it's not sinking in.

shellsuit

WestWalesWannabee wrote: »

Yes he does but doesn't know what he's doing unfortunately. I know that sounds awful but it's the whole lack of experience thing. Again tried pointing him in the right direction but it's not sinking in.

Ah right, all I was going to say was, if he doesn't use his hands/fingers then it could have been something to do with 'bodily fluids' as I've read stories about people who just can't kiss or touch anyone else an intimate way as it grosses them out.


If it were me, and I'm being totally honest and putting myself in your shoes, I couldn't stay with him. I'd be staying with him out of pity over anything else, because he is such a nice guy, but he doesn't give me what I need.

I could live without sex (there are other ways to get aroused and be happy rather than with just make and female organs), but I don't think I'd be able to be with someone if they weren't willing to kiss me, or touch me.

Infact touch and kissing are far more intimate, in my opinion, than just a 'shag' if you pardon the phrase.

What happens if you try to kiss him or if you try to make love to him?? Does he/would he back off? Have you tried just telling him to lay down and relax while you do all the work to show him how enjoyable it is?

The way you explain it as if it's a wham bam thank you mam where he rolls on and off and I just couldn't live like that.

As for his Dad, well your OH should have spoken to his Dad as soon as he knew it upset you. What a horrible position you were in ~ I would have been livid!!

cakeordeath_2

Errata wrote: »

I wrote that I was wondering, not assuming. I understand that the OP believes he was a virgin when they met, but have absolutely no idea how any woman can tell if a man is a virgin or not. A man may be nervous, inept or clumsy, but that is not evidence that they are virgins.

You wrote that you were wondering if he used prostitutes, this would assume the need for sex, if you didn't think he needed sex, you wouldn't have wondered about prostitutes. The OP doesn't need to have evidence to believe he was a virgin. He wanted to save himself for the right woman, so he wouldn't give his up virginity for just anyone, to him giving away his virginity was the ultimate proof of love, is that really so unbelievable?

shellsuit

cakeordeath wrote: »

You wrote that you were wondering if he used prostitutes, this would assume the need for sex, if you didn't think he needed sex, you wouldn't have wondered about prostitutes. The OP doesn't need to have evidence to believe he was a virgin. He wanted to save himself for the right woman, so he wouldn't give his up virginity for just anyone, to him giving away his virginity was the ultimate proof of love, is that really so unbelievable?

I think she meant that she wondered about prostitues as the guy comes across as very cold with regards to sex.

Youdontseeme

I think I agree with the poster who suggested putting a ban on sex until you sort this out.

Go back to basics so to speak, you say he is affectionate in other ways like cuddling etc. so it isn't as if he has a total block when it comes to "touching".

Embarrassing question to ask let alone answer, but how is he if you offer to um.. do other stuff to him, does he have the same intimacy issues then?

Perhaps its a case of going back to basics of getting some romance, holding hands etc. and starting again, working up to the kissing (a little neck nibble can be worth a thousand full-on snogs) perhaps ask him to give you a massage,go full on, warm room, candles, nice oils etc. share a bubble bath or a shower something where basically if he wants any reaction he will have to act 1st or at least join in!

Might sound a bit corny, but you sound determined and are obviously very fond of him, it might be that you have to put a bit more effort into it (not that you haven't from what you have said)

Good luck!

WestWalesWannabee

shellsuit wrote: »

Ah right, all I was going to say was, if he doesn't use his hands/fingers then it could have been something to do with 'bodily fluids' as I've read stories about people who just can't kiss or touch anyone else an intimate way as it grosses them out.


If it were me, and I'm being totally honest and putting myself in your shoes, I couldn't stay with him. I'd be staying with him out of pity over anything else, because he is such a nice guy, but he doesn't give me what I need.

I could live without sex (there are other ways to get aroused and be happy rather than with just make and female organs), but I don't think I'd be able to be with someone if they weren't willing to kiss me, or touch me.

Infact touch and kissing are far more intimate, in my opinion, than just a 'shag' if you pardon the phrase.

What happens if you try to kiss him or if you try to make love to him?? Does he/would he back off? Have you tried just telling him to lay down and relax while you do all the work to show him how enjoyable it is?

The way you explain it as if it's a wham bam thank you mam where he rolls on and off and I just couldn't live like that.

As for his Dad, well your OH should have spoken to his Dad as soon as he knew it upset you. What a horrible position you were in ~ I would have been livid!!

I was absolutely livid about the dad situation.. I don't think i've ever been so upset. I expected him to understand and stand up for me but he didn't. We've talked about this since and he appreciates that he was wrong not to take me more seriously about it. Says he knows what his dad was like and knew that no malice was intended. Said he put it down to me being slightly too sensitive but should have done more if i was upset. He has apologised now.

If i got back with him it wouldn't be through pity at all. Or because he's a good guy. Ultimately I love him and enjoy spending time with him.

When I make a move on him to make love to him he's very responsive. When I go to kiss him, he'll kiss me on the lips with a peck but then move away by turning it into a hug or something else. He isn't just wham bham etc.. There's lots of hugging etc just not much foreplay/kissing.

jenhug

I'm of the opinion you should tie him down and do terrible things to him until he submits to the less scary kissing! (I'm so bossy in bed!!)

shellsuit

WestWalesWannabee wrote: »

I was absolutely livid about the dad situation.. I don't think i've ever been so upset. I expected him to understand and stand up for me but he didn't. We've talked about this since and he appreciates that he was wrong not to take me more seriously about it. Says he knows what his dad was like and knew that no malice was intended. Said he put it down to me being slightly too sensitive but should have done more if i was upset. He has apologised now.

If i got back with him it wouldn't be through pity at all. Or because he's a good guy. Ultimately I love him and enjoy spending time with him.

When I make a move on him to make love to him he's very responsive. When I go to kiss him, he'll kiss me on the lips with a peck but then move away by turning it into a hug or something else. He isn't just wham bham etc.. There's lots of hugging etc just not much foreplay/kissing.

Is it that he doesn't like to kiss or he doesn't like being kissed because from what you have said, he doesn't like either.

Just because he doesn't know how to kiss and gets embarrassed doesn't mean that you can't kiss him surely?! He doesn't have to kiss you back, he can just get pleasure from you kissing his lips, albeit softly and slowly, not a peck!


I don't know what else to suggest, but I don't think it's fair that you have to go without. Why does he get what he wants? (which is no kissing and no foreplay)

Infact I'd take it as an insult, that he won't do it for me, or let me show him, both kissing and foreplay.