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What would you do please?
Comments
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Youdontseeme wrote: »I think I agree with the poster who suggested putting a ban on sex until you sort this out.
Go back to basics so to speak, you say he is affectionate in other ways like cuddling etc. so it isn't as if he has a total block when it comes to "touching".
Embarrassing question to ask let alone answer, but how is he if you offer to um.. do other stuff to him, does he have the same intimacy issues then?
Perhaps its a case of going back to basics of getting some romance, holding hands etc. and starting again, working up to the kissing (a little neck nibble can be worth a thousand full-on snogs) perhaps ask him to give you a massage,go full on, warm room, candles, nice oils etc. share a bubble bath or a shower something where basically if he wants any reaction he will have to act 1st or at least join in!
Might sound a bit corny, but you sound determined and are obviously very fond of him, it might be that you have to put a bit more effort into it (not that you haven't from what you have said)
Good luck!
No he loves the stuff I do to him. Can't get enough of it! Happy to lie back and enjoy
Have tried very hard to make this relationship work via the dad thing and the kissing. I've spoken to girlfriends who have said there was no way they would have stuck around anywhere near this long or tried as hard.0 -
WestWalesWannabee wrote: »
When I make a move on him to make love to him he's very responsive. When I go to kiss him, he'll kiss me on the lips with a peck but then move away by turning it into a hug or something else. He isn't just wham bham etc.. There's lots of hugging etc just not much foreplay/kissing.
So he's definately showing intimacy and love in his own way.
Unfortunately this may be all you're ever going to get on the kissing front. Many people here have said that they wouldn't be happy with that level of intimacy, and you may also feel that is isn't enough for you, so you shouldn't feel bad if you can't envisage living with the possibility of never having more passionate kisses than the ones you're getting, it's a hell of a sacrifice to give up something that is important to you. Ultimately if you are not happy, then neither will he be and I think he's demonstrated his need for you to be happy.Turn £100 into £10,000 in 2010 member # 247
£5059.07/10,000 :j 31/12/10 = 50%
Target for 2011, 100% of £11,0000 -
When I go to kiss him, he'll kiss me on the lips with a peck but then move away by turning it into a hug or something else.
His body language should tell you everything you need to know about how he precieves you. The nice things you say he does for you are the kind of things friends do for each other. Woiuld you agree that he treats you as a much loved friend, but uses your body for his own sexual gratification ?.....................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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WestWalesWannabee wrote: »No he loves the stuff I do to him. Can't get enough of it! Happy to lie back and enjoy
Have tried very hard to make this relationship work via the dad thing and the kissing. I've spoken to girlfriends who have said there was no way they would have stuck around anywhere near this long or tried as hard.I wish I surprised by that answer!
It sounds to me like you are doing all the trying here and he is getting all the benefits of a normal loving relationship without doing any of the work.
The more I hear the more I think you might just be wasting your time, he is starting to sound pretty selfish in the sex department (even if he is the nicest guy in the world otherwise).
Try the ban on sex, buy him an "idiots guide" and see if he is willing to make an effort, ok, so he might never be a really touchy feely bloke but there has to be a bit of give and take here, if not, then you might just have to move on and find someone who will appreciate all of what you have to offer.
I wish I would take my own advice!0 -
His body language should tell you everything you need to know about how he precieves you. The nice things you say he does for you are the kind of things friends do for each other. Woiuld you agree that he treats you as a much loved friend, but uses your body for his own sexual gratification ?
Spot on.
I can't imagine what he does with his face/mouth when they are in the throes?Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
I think she meant that she wondered about prostitues as the guy comes across as very cold with regards to sex.
you see this is the bit I'm missing, I don't think he does. He gave up his virginity for her = deep emotion. He is open to trying new positions.... he's trying to learn how to please her with his hands (however unsuccessfully) ...to me this demonstrates a man with deep regard and warmth for his partner. He's uncomfortable with kissing and he may never feel any differently about it but it doesn't mean he's cold, at least not to me anyway.Turn £100 into £10,000 in 2010 member # 247
£5059.07/10,000 :j 31/12/10 = 50%
Target for 2011, 100% of £11,0000 -
His body language should tell you everything you need to know about how he precieves you. The nice things you say he does for you are the kind of things friends do for each other. Woiuld you agree that he treats you as a much loved friend, but uses your body for his own sexual gratification ?
No it doesn't feel like that to be honest. And you must have some amazing friends! none of my friends would do anything like what he does for me!0 -
I don't think he has a deep regard and warmth for the OP. He wouldn't stick up for her over her problem with his dad until he was absolutely forced to and he's a pretty cold fish emotionally..................
....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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can i ask how long you were together before you did the deed? I am only wondering becuase if he had saved himself all that time and then got swept away by it all be might think he is doing everything right?
In the past (luckily bf seems to be psychic) i have been known to speak about a "friend" who has a similar issue and discuss it as adults and ask the guys opinion, that way, you kinda get to the root of it.
Another thing that might help could be a se xual fantasy discussion - let him tell you something he really wants, then tell him something you really want and discuss a trade - afterall, if you cant agree on something in an ideal relationship compromise is the way to go
Alternatively, guys love an ego boost, can you send him a text or email telling him how wonderful he is in bed, how you love it when he does something and then the next time he might be more likely to do it again - with current bf we were both very, very nervous and i know that being over appreciative certainly paid off in some situations
I think that the issue here is not whether you can live with it, but whether you can live without him .....
HTH0
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