What would you do please?

DKLS

WestWalesWannabee wrote: »

Hi. When I try to kiss him I can tell he's uncomfortable and he pulls away. That's part of what makes it so frustrating. It never has the chance to lead anywhere or get better because he doesn't hang about. /QUOTE]

Handcuffs? Silk scarves? am struggling to suggest something that may help, except to say how daft us men are.

WestWalesWannabee

DKLS wrote: »

WestWalesWannabee wrote: »

Hi. When I try to kiss him I can tell he's uncomfortable and he pulls away. That's part of what makes it so frustrating. It never has the chance to lead anywhere or get better because he doesn't hang about. /QUOTE]

Handcuffs? Silk scarves? am struggling to suggest something that may help, except to say how daft us men are.

Don't want to hold him against his will!

WestWalesWannabee

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time out to reply to me on this. I really do appreciate your input.

:A

Chinkle

This is definately very weird. Even if he is chronically shy, how did you manage to get from virgin at 34 to popping his cherry without the kissing bit in between and also let this situation go on for so long?

I'm sure there must be something in his past - if he's lived a pretty normal life except for relationships - even someone who is chronically shy has usually encountered a forward women at a party and had some lip action.

Seriously though, I can't imagine living in such a relationship and I think you need to sit him down and say how important it is for you and that if you two can't tackle this together and he won't see a counsellor you can't see how you can "properly" get back together.

Marcheline

I hope this doesn't come across as offensive as it's not my intention, but as no-one else has mentioned it, I will: do either of you have bad breath? I could be way off kilter, but it might not be down to shyness at all and if it is bad breath, there are steps either of you could take.

Aside from that, if it is just shyness and he is the perfect man in every other way, I could definitely learn to live with it. A perfect, kind, loving man who doesn't kiss is preferable to a man who kisses well but is not so perfect in every other way. The fact that you dumped him over this issue and he still hasn't said he'd try is troubling me though.

As someone else said, he'd hardly shove you off him if you were well in the thick of it (IYKWIM) and then you kissed him, would he?

Errata

WestWalesWannabee wrote: »

He's a very private person and just wants me to accept him the way he is. He's just blinkered about it and gets upset when i mention it. AAAGHHHH!

He's not private, he believes his needs are far more important than yours and they must be given priority...............and what happens if they're not ? He gets upset and makes you feel you've upset him ?

Emmzi

you will resent him, it will fester, it will kill things.

move along. he has made his (repressed) choice and it is up to him to live with it or change.

zippychick

Sorry didn't mean to suggest you weren't patient or didn't know him. It was a rushed
post and I didn't re read what I said. My bad entirely chick! Sorry sorry sorry . I just responded mainly to the one sentence which suggested you thought it was "stupid" or what ever word you used - and if it was me, that would make me feel even worse and even more to blame.

If it really is that important to you and he won't *try* anything suggested, I have no
idea what to suggest next. The blind fold thing sounds like a good suggestion.

I don't blame him though specifically - it seems as if he has let it go on so long, it's
now far too embarassing for him to consider doing something about it. It sounds
like he is genuinely just so embarassed and self conscious he doesn't know how to
get over it, and feels too embarassed to try.

Self consciousness is a terrible thing, and I imagine it's hard for you to understand if you have never felt like that. At the same time it must be terribly frustrating for you as to you it seems like such a simple thing. And yes, it is a huge part of intimacy

The key is he has to want to do something about it, and to be honest, it doesn't sound
like he does - so you are at a stalemate. I wish i had a more helpful reply

tandraig

ok - if kissing is so important to you go out and find a great kisser!!! overlook the fact he may be so good as he gets plenty of practice with other women! oh and treats you like sh1te! this man sounds lovely and personally i think he deserves someone who will respect that he doesnt kiss great but makes up for it in other ways. in other words hun - no-one is perfect and compromise is needed. my OH loves to kiss - I dont - but i do other things with my mouth which I feel (and he feels) make up for it! also - my OH and I are chalk and cheese and over the last 34 years have really learned the art of compromise!!!
best of luck though - i hope you have thought of asking him where YOU could please him more though.

ailuro2

Don't throw the baby out with the bath water is all I have to say on this.;)