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What would you do please?

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  • He knows how important it is to me. I'm of the opinion that kissing is really important in a relationship and is more intimate than sex. He says he'd try and then i'd leave the subject alone and then he wouldn't, for months. He is embarassed and says that he has a lack of confidence about it but that the fact that he has other good qualities should make up for it. I completely understand that he's shy about it. He wants us to get back together and move in together but this is holding me back. I've been in tears with frustration about it with him before, after we were together a year and a half. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be without him but i don't want a life of no kissing either.
  • Caroline73_2
    Caroline73_2 Posts: 2,654 Forumite
    I was patient about it. I waited a whole year of saying nothing and for him to do it off his own back and he didn't. And no, i don't remember it being awkward when I was a teenager learning. I just got on with it and learned by making mistakes along the way. I completely understand how embarrassing it is for him but he lost his virginity with me and trusted me enough to tell me about that so surely I was the kind of person he could speak to about with that as he knew how caring and sincere I am. I understand he's shy about it and lacks confidence and i've tried everything I can to let it happen naturally before I said anything and it didn't. It was then I had to say something and it wasn't criticising. I was really sensitive about it.

    So for a whole year, in his very first relationship, you two never kissed. Then you bought it up and he didn't know it had been a problem for you. He probably feels like he'd done everything wrong in that first year.
  • Any wrote: »
    I completely agree!

    Is he very religious or something like that? It strikes me that he does not know what is expected from him and what is normal..

    Has he seen other people kissing?

    Or is it just that he doesn't like exchanging bodily fluids?? It could be that as well.

    No he's not religious. Nothing to do with that. Just shy. As for the getting him drunk thing, yeah tried that. That didn't work either.
  • Caroline73 wrote: »
    So for a whole year, in his very first relationship, you two never kissed. Then you bought it up and he didn't know it had been a problem for you. He probably feels like he'd done everything wrong in that first year.

    No we didn't really kiss. It was just quick pecks. I was aware of how shy he was and so tried to tread carefully without ruining his confidence or upsetting him. He's a confident guy in his day to day life. He runs his own business and has a good personality.
  • I would be very frustrated too! I love the intimacy of a lingering kiss:o If my DH did a runner after every smooch I'd be kind of insulted!:( Does he know he kisses you the same way he kisses his family?!:confused: Have you told him it makes you undesirable(assuming it does! I know I'd feel like that)

    This is gonna sound awful and I'm rubbish at describing things:o but here goes.....have you tried locking your hands round his head/neck and kinda holding him in place(nicely:)) and kissing him how you want to be kissed?! and make 'nice' noises(I'm sure you know what I mean;)) or tell him how nice it was then he'll hopefully realise you like it:)

    Oh also do the above with busiscomings suggestion and get him a little inebriated;) Its amazing what I've told my DH while under the influence..luckily I've learnt to talk about things sober now:rotfl:

    Good luck x
    1.11.09 - debt = £45k:eek:
    [STRIKE]Car Loan = £0[/STRIKE] CCCS Total = £30,246.88 Total Debt Paid off - 32.78%
    DFD [STRIKE]Nov[/STRIKE][STRIKE]Sept[/STRIKE]Aug 2018:o Only 75 payments to go:)
  • DKLS
    DKLS Posts: 13,461 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I love my snogging sessions with my fianc!e, and would seriously consider ending any relationship where some hot lip action doesn't feature. I did date an older woman who didnt like kissing until I showed her a few tricks that my tongue could perform.

    Sorry to be so crude, but does he use his mouth anywhere else?
  • I would be very frustrated too! I love the intimacy of a lingering kiss:o If my DH did a runner after every smooch I'd be kind of insulted!:( Does he know he kisses you the same way he kisses his family?!:confused: Have you told him it makes you undesirable(assuming it does! I know I'd feel like that)

    This is gonna sound awful and I'm rubbish at describing things:o but here goes.....have you tried locking your hands round his head/neck and kinda holding him in place(nicely:)) and kissing him how you want to be kissed?! and make 'nice' noises(I'm sure you know what I mean;)) or tell him how nice it was then he'll hopefully realise you like it:)

    Oh also do the above with busiscomings suggestion and get him a little inebriated;) Its amazing what I've told my DH while under the influence..luckily I've learnt to talk about things sober now:rotfl:

    Good luck x


    Yes I do feel a little bit unwanted but i know it's not really about me. It's about his chronic shyness in that department. And yes there really is nothing more lovely than a romantic smooch. I miss it so much!
  • DKLS wrote: »
    I love my snogging sessions with my fianc!e, and would seriously consider ending any relationship where some hot lip action doesn't feature. I did date an older woman who didnt like kissing until I showed her a few tricks that my tongue could perform.

    Sorry to be so crude, but does he use his mouth anywhere else?

    Nope.. Doesn't do that either.:o
  • LameWolf
    LameWolf Posts: 11,238 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I don't have an answer for you, but it did occur to me to wonder if he actually has a phobia?
    If your dog thinks you're the best, don't seek a second opinion.;)
  • LameWolf wrote: »
    I don't have an answer for you, but it did occur to me to wonder if he actually has a phobia?


    Of kissing? I don't know. I just think he's cripplingly embarassed about it.
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