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What would you do please?
Comments
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I feel for you as others have said, kissing is part of a loving relationship and it does make you feel wanted and loved, I expect he wouldn't even consider talking to a doctor would he?
No definitely not. He gets embarassed talking to me about it and i'm his "soulmate" apparently.0 -
WestWalesWannabee wrote: »This has happened. I cried in front of him and he said how sorry he was. Still no kisses though.
Not that sorry then. He doesn't want to move out of his comfort zone so what benefit is he getting by staying in it ?.....................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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**confuzzled** wrote: »Sounds like he's over-thinking as breathing while eating etc is an automatic/subconscious thing, which suggests he could be a bit more than 'nervous'
Maybe he knows how much it means to you so doesn't want to try incase its hugely disappointing for you
Sometimes not even attempting to try is a way of safe-guarding himself fom criticism(sp?)
Maybe him seeing a 'sex' therapist(or any type of therapist) might be a good idea?!
I know it's a bit different from my other post but I've thought about it a bit more:)
Thanks for this. I think that would be a good idea too but in reality i don't think he'd go for it. He's a very private person and just wants me to accept him the way he is. i agree he is definitely overthinking it. If he just did it and stopped thinking I'm guessing it would be fine! but i'm not in his head and I can't help him change the way he thinks. He's just blinkered about it and gets upset when i mention it. AAAGHHHH!0 -
WestWalesWannabee wrote: »Nope.. Doesn't do that either.:o
Now that is a real shame, My fianc!e says I can breathe through my ears.
On a more serious note, is he faddy about germs? or does he have any OCD cleaning traits?
I only ask as a friend of mine, refused to go south on his GF due to germs, until I told him that there are more germs on the average toothbrush than in a lady garden.0 -
Now that is a real shame, My fianc!e says I can breathe through my ears.
On a more serious note, is he faddy about germs? or does he have any OCD cleaning traits?
I only ask as a friend of mine, refused to go south on his GF due to germs, until I told him that there are more germs on the average toothbrush than in a lady garden.
A lady Garden!!!?? ha ha! That made me laugh!! No.. not bothered about germs and the like. It definitely is just a shyness thing! thanks for that though! Funny..:rotfl:0 -
WestWalesWannabee wrote: »Thanks for this. I think that would be a good idea too but in reality i don't think he'd go for it. He's a very private person and just wants me to accept him the way he is. i agree he is definitely overthinking it. If he just did it and stopped thinking I'm guessing it would be fine! but i'm not in his head and I can't help him change the way he thinks. He's just blinkered about it and gets upset when i mention it. AAAGHHHH!
I feel for you, I really do:( If he's not much of a talker then could you show him this thread??
Failing that you could go down the route of plying him with alcohol and stealing kisses:rotfl: Probably not the route you want to take but needs must:)1.11.09 - debt = £45k:eek:
[STRIKE]Car Loan = £0[/STRIKE] CCCS Total = £30,246.88 Total Debt Paid off - 32.78%
DFD [STRIKE]Nov[/STRIKE][STRIKE]Sept[/STRIKE]Aug 2018:o Only 75 payments to go:)0 -
Just a thought, but if you are his 1st serious GF at the age of 34, did something happen when he was younger to knock his confidence?? (Girls can be so cruel about that kind of stuff) if this is the case then telling him that you feel like his an elderly aunt when he kisses you probably isn't the best way to go!
Maybe I am just a hopeless / hopeful? romantic but it wouldn't have even got to the bedroom stage if the kisses weren't doing it, (although not sure the "fine" is a glowing endorsement in such a new relationship???)
What does he do if you try to kiss him?
Personally I would rent a couple of old films eg. You're in the Army Now, An Affair to Remember with those ever so passionate looking 40's style movie kisses. I bet Cary Grant never did that wet, sloppy, dribbling and aimless tongue stabbing thing! Snuggle up on the couch and whenever a smooch comes on give a big sigh!
He "should" get the message. If not, then perhaps giving him a few drinks, pinning him down and snogging his face off is the way to go
I wish I would take my own advice!0 -
WestWalesWannabee wrote: »A lady Garden!!!?? ha ha! That made me laugh!! No.. not bothered about germs and the like. It definitely is just a shyness thing! thanks for that though! Funny..:rotfl:
In that case then its about education, he obviously missed this part of his education and is now fearing a good snog.
Perhaps introduce him to his education with some intimacy lessons, perhaps start with a naked you and a paintbrush (NB Artist brush not Wallpaper paste brush), or massages then lead him up to lessons on tongue usage.
With men its all down to confidence, if he thinks he will fail or do something badly he wont try.
To give an example of my shyness and lack of confidence in certain situations:
This year I started Tango dance classes, I would leg it immediately after the beginners class, for fear that the improver's class would spot me and laugh at my moves.
And would definitely not stop for the social dance (Milonga) after the classes as I was convinced no other lady would dance with me.
As I proceeded through the classes my confidence improved, and I realised that the improver's class didn't laugh at me but would offer support and advice and surprise, surprise women did want to dance with me, and the ones that I didn't step on their toes would compliment me on my leading.
Now whilst I am no tango master I am confident to whirl a lady around the dance floor, and enjoy the dance without worrying what others are thinking of me.0 -
In that case then its about education, he obviously missed this part of his education and is now fearing a good snog.
Perhaps introduce him to his education with some intimacy lessons, perhaps start with a naked you and a paintbrush (NB Artist brush not Wallpaper paste brush), or massages then lead him up to lessons on tongue usage.
With men its all down to confidence, if he thinks he will fail or do something badly he wont try.
To give an example of my shyness and lack of confidence in certain situations:
This year I started Tango dance classes, I would leg it immediately after the beginners class, for fear that the improver's class would spot me and laugh at my moves.
And would definitely not stop for the social dance (Milonga) after the classes as I was convinced no other lady would dance with me.
As I proceeded through the classes my confidence improved, and I realised that the improver's class didn't laugh at me but would offer support and advice and surprise, surprise women did want to dance with me, and the ones that I didn't step on their toes would compliment me on my leading.
Now whilst I am no tango master I am confident to whirl a lady around the dance floor, and enjoy the dance without worrying what others are thinking of me.
That's a brilliant example and i'm pleased the dancing is going so well for you. Congrats!0 -
Youdontseeme wrote: »Just a thought, but if you are his 1st serious GF at the age of 34, did something happen when he was younger to knock his confidence?? (Girls can be so cruel about that kind of stuff) if this is the case then telling him that you feel like his an elderly aunt when he kisses you probably isn't the best way to go!
Maybe I am just a hopeless / hopeful? romantic but it wouldn't have even got to the bedroom stage if the kisses weren't doing it, (although not sure the "fine" is a glowing endorsement in such a new relationship???)
What does he do if you try to kiss him?
Personally I would rent a couple of old films eg. You're in the Army Now, An Affair to Remember with those ever so passionate looking 40's style movie kisses. I bet Cary Grant never did that wet, sloppy, dribbling and aimless tongue stabbing thing! Snuggle up on the couch and whenever a smooch comes on give a big sigh!
He "should" get the message. If not, then perhaps giving him a few drinks, pinning him down and snogging his face off is the way to go
Hi. When I try to kiss him I can tell he's uncomfortable and he pulls away. That's part of what makes it so frustrating. It never has the chance to lead anywhere or get better because he doesn't hang about.
oh and no nothing happened to him in earlier years. He's never had any kind of relationship and so nobody to be cruel to him. He never kissed anybody as he was growing up either.0
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