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What would you do please?

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  • Meadows
    Meadows Posts: 4,530 Forumite
    Mortgage-free Glee! Hung up my suit! Xmas Saver!
    So I guess what i'm asking is this... would you consider a relationship with somebody who can't/won't learn to kiss when it's really important to you when he has so many other amazing qualities that i'm looking for a in a great guy? I don't think i can compromise but i still love him and he's got this mental block and lack of confidence about learning to kiss. It's ridiculous! He's fine in the bedroom department, he just can't and doesn't want to learn to kiss. It's stopping us from being really happy with each other and settling down together. Some days I think i can learn to live without it but then i think i can't and i don't want him to meet anybody else. Can i have your thoughts please? Sorry for the long rambling post.


    I would say yes, kissing is nice but it's not the be all end all.
    It is a thing you have to be happy with yourself or it may lead you to resent him. Does he really not want to learn? Can it not be part of foreplay?
    Try kissing in different ways - softly, deeply, gently, hard - and see his response.
    Regardless of how it is in the ‘bedroom’ have you thought of how to videos, not really to learn anything new but they can add be fun and enhance the relationship.
    Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.
  • I don't think I could live with it tbh, I love kissing and pecks just wouldnt do it for me, you want to kiss a man not a chicken.

    DKLS thats what I was thinking too...

    Its pretty basic, doesn't take a degree - its just a kiss - its not too much to ask for a little bit of passion imo.
    Hey, Soul Sister
  • Meadows wrote: »
    I would say yes, kissing is nice but it's not the be all end all.
    It is a thing you have to be happy with yourself or it may lead you to resent him. Does he really not want to learn? Can it not be part of foreplay?
    Try kissing in different ways - softly, deeply, gently, hard - and see his response.
    Regardless of how it is in the ‘bedroom’ have you thought of how to videos, not really to learn anything new but they can add be fun and enhance the relationship.

    No he really doesn't want to learn. Just says I need to accept he can't kiss. My answer is that he hasn't tried! I can't try different versions of kissing on him as he doesn't hang around in the face department. Kisses me and pulls away. I've pulled him back before now and tried to carry on but he is just uncomfortable with it and backs off. He says he has problems breathing when he kisses. Says he doesn't know how to breathe through the nose when his mouth is busy! He eats food and breathes through his nose and sleeps with his mouth shut! I don't get it. I really don't.
  • tsstss7
    tsstss7 Posts: 1,255 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I have a friend who is a "sex" therapist maybe someone like this could help you.
    MSE PARENT CLUB MEMBER.
    ds1 nov 1997
    ds2 nov 2007
    :j
    First DD
    First DD born in june:beer:.
  • 3onitsway
    3onitsway Posts: 4,000 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    DKLS wrote: »
    Sorry to be so crude, but does he use his mouth anywhere else?

    I wanted to ask that - but i'm too polite! :o

    I don't think I could with with no kisses (especially in both areas!) I love a good snog! :D

    If when you were intimate, at the height of passion, if you just locked the lips on, and kissed him - would he not automatically kiss you back? Surely he couldn't turn away at such a crucial point? :confused:
    :beer:
  • pinkshoes
    pinkshoes Posts: 20,607 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    blindfold him? and blindfold you? it might make him less self conscious.

    Personally I think I'd just have a tantrum and ask him why he kisses me like he kisses his mum! Get all upset and let him SEE how much it upsets you.

    (then, when he tries to comfort you, attempt a snogging session whilst still crying!)
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
  • sexki11en
    sexki11en Posts: 1,286 Forumite
    Hmmmmm..... I'm going to comment from his POV. I'm exactly the same. I don't "do" kissing. I have no idea why I just dont and I never have. I'm not a "huggy, touchy feely" person either (especially not in public) My DH finds it difficult sometimes, in fact he mentioned it last night - but it's something I have never done, and he knew that from the beginning. He chose to accept it.

    I would say only you can decide what to do. The likelyhood is, he won't change - I know I would find it very difficult - and why should he? He doesn't have a problem with it, you do. You just need to decide whether it's a big enough problem to walk away. I know that might sound harsh, and it's not meant to.

    SK x
    After 4 years of heartache, 3 rounds of IVF and 1 loss :A - we are finally expecting our miracle Ki11en - May 2014 :j

    And a VERY surprise miracle in March 2017!
  • Meadows
    Meadows Posts: 4,530 Forumite
    Mortgage-free Glee! Hung up my suit! Xmas Saver!
    No he really doesn't want to learn. Just says I need to accept he can't kiss. My answer is that he hasn't tried! I can't try different versions of kissing on him as he doesn't hang around in the face department. Kisses me and pulls away. I've pulled him back before now and tried to carry on but he is just uncomfortable with it and backs off. He says he has problems breathing when he kisses. Says he doesn't know how to breathe through the nose when his mouth is busy! He eats food and breathes through his nose and sleeps with his mouth shut! I don't get it. I really don't.


    I feel for you as others have said, kissing is part of a loving relationship and it does make you feel wanted and loved, I expect he wouldn't even consider talking to a doctor would he?
    Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.
  • pinkshoes wrote: »
    blindfold him? and blindfold you? it might make him less self conscious.

    Personally I think I'd just have a tantrum and ask him why he kisses me like he kisses his mum! Get all upset and let him SEE how much it upsets you.

    (then, when he tries to comfort you, attempt a snogging session whilst still crying!)


    This has happened. I cried in front of him and he said how sorry he was. Still no kisses though.
  • No he really doesn't want to learn. Just says I need to accept he can't kiss. My answer is that he hasn't tried! I can't try different versions of kissing on him as he doesn't hang around in the face department. Kisses me and pulls away. I've pulled him back before now and tried to carry on but he is just uncomfortable with it and backs off. He says he has problems breathing when he kisses. Says he doesn't know how to breathe through the nose when his mouth is busy! He eats food and breathes through his nose and sleeps with his mouth shut! I don't get it. I really don't.

    Sounds like he's over-thinking as breathing while eating etc is an automatic/subconscious thing, which suggests he could be a bit more than 'nervous':confused: Maybe he knows how much it means to you so doesn't want to try incase its hugely disappointing for you:confused: Sometimes not even attempting to try is a way of safe-guarding himself fom criticism(sp?)

    Maybe him seeing a 'sex' therapist(or any type of therapist) might be a good idea?!:confused:

    I know it's a bit different from my other post but I've thought about it a bit more:)
    1.11.09 - debt = £45k:eek:
    [STRIKE]Car Loan = £0[/STRIKE] CCCS Total = £30,246.88 Total Debt Paid off - 32.78%
    DFD [STRIKE]Nov[/STRIKE][STRIKE]Sept[/STRIKE]Aug 2018:o Only 75 payments to go:)
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