Fed up vegetarian needs advice please

seven-day-weekend

Disgruntled_Veggie wrote: »

Hi, I am a regular poster but have created a new user ID as DH knows my usual one. I am really fed up and would appreciate an opinion from fellow veggies on whether I am overreacting or not.

I have been a fairly strict vegetarian for over 25 years, although I completely respect the fact that most people, including my DH, are carnivores. I cook meat dishes for my DH and children but I choose not to eat meat as it is not food to me.

Anyway to cut a long story short, as a treat after a tough few days, I bought a couple of those really nice PizzaExpress pizzas from Tesco, to have a night off from cooking dinner.

I got home from work and did some chores, including preparing a chicken casserole to put in the slow cooker for DH and the children for the next day. I went to empty the washing machine and when I got back my DH was cutting up my cooked pizza on the meat chopping board where I had just been chopping the raw chicken breasts for the casserole, and using the same knife. The chopping board had not been cleaned and was covered in chicken juice, although not drenched.

I got a bit upset and said that I couldn’t eat the pizza now as it was covered in raw chicken. DH just couldn’t understand why I was upset and started to wipe the base of the pizza with a tissue. When I said that would not be OK, he said he could cut the whole base off, and then proceeded to turn the pizza upside down on the same chopping board.

His point of view was that I was overreacting and the chicken would hardly kill me. To illustrate that point, he mentioned that when we had visited his sister for dinner recently, the pea soup she had made specially and sworn was vegetarian actually contained bacon stock. Also the main course contained bits of tuna where she had used the same pan for my vegetarian dish and couldn't be bothered to wash it. And they had all commented how I hadn’t even noticed! DH says he didn't know until afterwards and did have a word with his sister though.

I know it is stupid but I feel quite violated at the moment. Surely this is no different to someone spiking your drink against your will?

Anyway, many thanks for reading, I guess my main questions are – if you are a vegetarian, would you have eaten the pizza and would you be really upset by the revelations about DH’s sister’s meal?

xx

I am not and never have been a vegetarian.

However, even as a meat -eater I wouldn't have wanted to eat the pizza (full of bacteria from the raw chicken) and I too would have felt like my drink was spiked if my meal, unknown by me, contained something I did not wish to eat.

I feel they have been really disrespectful towards your wishes.

My mum, a vegetarian from her childhood in the 1910s until her death in 2001, always cooked meat for us but we would not have dreamed of expecting her to eat off the same plate/pan that meat had been on, nor 'tricked' her into doing so..

minerva_windsong

I've been a veggie for four years and would have gone absolutely mental if it was me. Not just for the hygiene issue but for the lack of respect more than anything.

I would be refusing to cook anything other than veggie food from now on. If your OH doesn't like it he can teach himself to cook. And I'd never eat at your SIL's again.

Emmzi

I would not visit SIL again, and I would tell her why. Your OHs consipracy i her deceit is shocking so I would not cover for him.

I would also send her a nice vegetarian cookbook for christmas.

Humphrey10

I don't eat meat, and would have been very unhappy if I was in your situation, but mainly because of the hygene issues + the chopping board.

I wouldn't mind if my food was cut up with a knife that had been used to cut up cooked meat, providing the jucies etc had been wiped off. Re-using that knife doesn't mean any more animals are killed, it just reduces washing up imo, though I can understand that other vegetarians feel differently and see their point of view.

I would be really really angry about what had happened at your SIL's, the fact that they had intentionally decived you then talked about it behind your back. It shows a total lack of respect.

zippychick

sounds like your husband did it unintentionally and is just a bit dim when it comes to basic cooking hygiene. I had a veggie friend round for a barbie and we got a disposable barbie each so there was no contamination. We also had our own plates and tongs each. I worked in mcdonalds for years so couldnt possibly cross contaminate even if i wanted to (drilled into me) but I genuinely think your OH is quite clueless unintentionally. I don't think he understands vegetarianism at all so maybe a nice quiet chat with him explaining how and why would help? For eg, he may not know how many things contain gellatine and what it is made from etc

karma definitely got him back though!

regards the sister - I couldnt possibly keep my mouth shut and would have to say something. That woman deserves to be completely mortified and called up on her indecency. Disgusting.

Disgruntled_Veggie

Thank you to everyone who replied, I really appreciate all of your advice and opinions. When I started the thread I was half expecting most people to say I was stupid and being too dramatic so your replies have really cheered me up – thank you. You are a great bunch.

I am going to show this thread to my "D"H when I get home (if he is off the toilet yet!) and will think about how best to deal with his sister. I will not be babysitting her children on Saturday night now, for a start.
xx

Blackpool_Saver

Does this abusive pig tell you he loves you? and his sister could go to hell too

Mrs_pbradley936

I am not a vegetarian but I would not have eaten that pizza either due to the raw chicken being there! I think your husband is being disrespectful to you and I would have a major "turn" over that!

If your ethics have been compromised by the bacon in the soup you really have to make a stand and say that you will not be eating there in future.

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

That sounds like ignorance coming from the hubbie, i would be furious too - I'm not a veggie, was when i was preggers more for the fact i couldn't stomach meat (could eat fish though) and must admit i liked being veggie but with an all-meat eating family i found it hard to stick to - plus after DD was born i could stomach it again, even though i enjoyed being veggie (i do eat much less meat now, for the health benefits not anything else).

BUT while i was veggie everyone in my family respected that and i really really appreciated how nice and accomodating they were about it. My OH gave up most meat just to be nice too (which was very tough for him and i know he'd eat a meaty lunch at work).

I think your hubbie really needs a talking to to make him see just how you feel. He is taking you for granted, I too would go on a cooking meat strike. If your kiddies are old enough explain why too, and just say that it is too teach everyone to respect each others values If you don't want to do that you can always secretly add some meat into their meals but i wouldn't, veggie meals are some of the best.

As for the SIL, well, i would be furious - that is simply out of order, if i were a family member and aware i wouldn't giggle along, i'd tell her i think it is immorral. If i were you i would tell her you are aware and very dissapointed. And if OH cares about your values he should stick up for you. He should have told you as soon as he found out in my opinion, not just 'have a word with her'. He is just as bad for not making a bigger deal out of it.

It's not just veggies that have values, lol, meateaters do too

lolarentt

Can someone explain the delight that some people appear to get from feeding a non-meat eater meat without their knowledge? Do you remember the Gordon Ramsey story last year when a vegetarian celebrity/critic (can't remember who it was) ate at one of his restaurants where he was in residence, there was an argument about something and when the diner left Ramsey publicised the fact that he'd put meat in whatever it was the guy had eaten 'and he didn't even notice', as if this negated the guy's vegetarian principles somehow!

I think you're very noble to cook meat anyway, I won't even at Christmas. My OH father comes to us, he's a traditional meat and 2 veg man, but he gets our standard Christmas nosh - roast spuds, parsnips, a couple of green vegs, cauliflower cheese, stuffing, bread sauce, bacon rolls (from v bacon) and chipolatas (usually LMcC sausages cut in half).and with that lot on his plate he doesn't even really care that he's got a couple of Quorn fillets under the bread sauce rather than turkey breast.