Feeling Melancholy

melancholly

tesuhoha wrote:

I have done it all wrong as a parent I know that now.

now that's just rubbish, isn't it!!
you care about him and you're trying to keep him happy and do what's best for him.

if you ever feel that it's all gone wrong - watch supernanny or something like that - when you see 4 year olds throwing bricks and spitting at their parents, then you know something serious is wrong. you have teenage son who isn't out drinking/smoking/doing drugs - you're obviously done quite a lot right!

if you can't get his login, go into his room and remove the cable from the computer to the internet connection until he tells you! that requires minimal technical knowledge!

perhaps you could tell him that if he's not in full time education then he needs to contribute financially to the house - if that's not an incentive to revise and pick up work at school, i don't know what is!

Mrs_Optimist

What a sad post! and what a lovely mum you son has! My B-I_L who is 16 was the same as your son and it turned out that he hjad a gift - musically at least. he is now at music school and LOVES it - my MIL despaired of him but after speaking with him she discovered what he wanted to do, and he was too scared to tell her because it was not the "norm" See if you can sort out that fishing trip for your son and OH so that they HAVE to go and you may discover that there is something troubling him or he has a secret desire careerwise. One thig I do know as a fellow parent is that your SOn is very lucky to have you and that he will eventually grow up and realise that!

calleyw

tesuhoha wrote:

I have done it all wrong as a parent I know that now.

I think that you are being rather hard on yourself.

Me and my two brothers where brought up exactly the same. But once my eldest brother left school at 16 he went to pot. It was who he was mixing with.

We are totally different I have got on with my life bought a house and have car etc.

He got himself in to allsort of trouble.

You can't blame my parents for that as they brought us all up the same with the same belief and values.

I actually had a harder time because of what he did. And also did not help being female.

I wish you all the best. Take care.


Yours


Calley

pineapple_beach

Hi there
You are not a bad person and have not done everything wrong... as others have said you have just tried to do your best. :grouphug:

I don't like what you said about him being bigger than you and you cannot take the computer etc away from him as it sounds like you may be scared of him? Thats not a good feeling and I think it must be dealt with by you, your OH, maybe your daughter too... does he have any other adult he relates to or would listen to that you could ask to help?

I don't think it is too late to take control of the situation, as it is your house and he has to learn some respect for you and your OH. This is a valuable life skill and he will no doubt thank you for it later. :rolleyes:

Maybe move the computer/games from his room to the family area so you have control? I say this as I don't think he will learn self discipline if he doesn't see why he should or what he could gain from it...

Good luck, the worst thing you can do is nothing as the situation will continue which can't be good for any of you, and your relationship with your OH may suffer as the way to deal with him comes between you?

I am speaking from the experience of being one of five kids and the way my parents dealt with us, my kids are only 8 and 7 so the theory may not hold up when it gets for my time obviously!!!

tesuhoha

Im not scared of him; its just that he can physically stop me from doing things like switch off the computer. I think that the time when I could have done much about it is past as I dont think there's much point unless you can get the child to accept that they are in the wrong by spending so much time on the computer and he wont accept that. Because of that I have a constant battle on my hands. The computer has been disabled a few times but he always manages to get it running again. He is stronger than me; he wouldnt threaten me or anything like that but he does have a temper. But as some of you say, he is not so bad. Hes not into drugs, booze, gangs or even spending money. Hopefully he will sort himself out once he has left school and has to do something with himself.

tesuhoha

Sorry this is getting boring isnt it. I keep on letting it go then it comes up again and I feel I have to reply.

Kevicho

Try something like this

http://www.kmint21.com/keylogger/

it should log all his passwords

SKIPPY

My son left school last year and started college which lasted until November (not academic at all). He then took part in a Princes Trust Course which ran for 12 weeks, team building, week away, problem solving etc. It gave him so much confidence, I'd recommend it to anyone. After that my employer very kindly gave him a job for a couple of days a week which has given him even more confidence and now looks like he has landed himself a full time job albeit working at the same company as my OH. Connexions have also been very helpful, he's just completed a customer service course and they are also going to put him through his fork lift truck licence. 16-18 is still quite young to be deciding what they want to do but if he could just get out there and do a little something even if it's not every day, I'm convinced he would feel so much better

Mrs(no)money

Hey, I dont think this thread is getting boring at all - I think its excellent! I reckon as parents we all need a bit of support, especially with the good old GCSE's starting next Monday:eek:

lynzpower

Kevicho wrote:

Try something like this

http://www.kmint21.com/keylogger/

it should log all his passwords

Clever clever.