Feeling Melancholy

in*the*red_6

Tes

Have you googled World of Warcraft and addiction? - there are lots of stories. I remember hearing a debate on the Jeremy Vine show a few months ago about it. It has become quite a serious problem for many people so your husband may be right.

x

jellycat40

Hi Tess

I have not read the massess of replies that you have had because they are so many.

I would like to offer you some comfort. My son now 19 was in the wilderness for a long time. He stopped working at school at about 14, smoked, drank, took cannabis and I never knew where he was. He did get GCSE's one grade D and a couple of E's. However we are talking about a very bright boy who has excellant vocabulary and a very quick wit.

He was violent and agressive, we all tiptoed around him and if he was in he monopolised the tv, he played games all night and slept all day. He made me take him out every night ( I know that sounds nuts but it was true). He had a nasty group of mates and I am sure that i do not know the full extent of their activities. He has a police record for assault and possession and I was sure it was all my fault.

However, when he was 17 we had a big row and he left for 2 weeks to stay at a friends and when he wanted to come back I would not allow it. I stood up to him and he found a supported housing association to give him somewhere to live and he started a college course a few months later. When he turned 19 he got an apprenticeship and came home to live.

I never gave up hope that the nice person, the intelligent person, the boy I loved would emerge but sometimes it was difficult. I stood by him, I went to court with him, I wrote letters for him, helped him with benefits when he lived away from home. I promised him that I would always be there for him. When he finished testing this promise he finally settled down.

I have three daughters who are not like this. I appreciate what you are going through and all I can say is hang in there. Assure him you love him but do not continue to act as his enabler. It took for my son to leave home, I don't know what it will take for you but you must find the strength to stop enabling him to live the life he is leading and sort himself out. it may not be in time for As levels but that is not the end of the world.

Pm me if you want to.

Love Louise

second_chance

Im Sorry You Are So Distressed But I Feel That People Are All Individual And Unfortunatley Perhaps Gaining A Levels Is Not What He Really Wants-we All Want The Best For Our Kids And I Have Already Set Up A Uni Account For My Daughter But Maybe She Wont Have Any Interest At All In Going-from My Expirience I Was The One Who Worked Hard At School Got A Good Job Etc And My Sister Behaved Much As Your Son Is And Everyone Thought She Would Be A Waster As She Wouldnt Stick To Any Job/course Didnt Get Any Gcse Etc But There Came A Time Wer She Decided What She Wanted To Do And Now She Has A Good Job And Is A Bit More Sensible!!!!! I Just Mean Maybe He Hasnt Realised Yet What It Is He Wants To Work For So Maybe You Could Help Him To See What Other Options Are Available?? Sorry Bit Rambley But Im Sure He Will Work Things Out Himself In Time ...is There A Tec In Your Area Perhaps A More Manual Course Would Suit??? Anyway Chin Up:d

tesuhoha

Thank you all you lovely people for all your stories, kindness and the time you have taken to reply. I am touched by them. The general consensus of opinion seems to be that I've got to back off, but also be tougher with him. I agree with that. I am going to back off while he does his exams and I am going to be supportive. I hope I can keep it up on the day I have an exam to invigilate and he has an exam to go to and he wont get out of bed! I trickled cold water on him this morning and it seemed to do the trick. I also woke up at 3 in the morning and came down and told him to go to bed so he got an hour more than usual. Hes got an A level geography exam tomorrow which Ive paid for and ive told him he has to go to bed early at 12 tonight. We shall see.

dollindebt

Your son could be depressed. This is coming from similar, personal experience at the same age.

melancholly

tesuhoha wrote:

Thank you all you lovely people for all your stories, kindness and the time you have taken to reply. I am touched by them. The general consensus of opinion seems to be that I've got to back off, but also be tougher with him. I agree with that. I am going to back off while he does his exams and I am going to be supportive. I hope I can keep it up on the day I have an exam to invigilate and he has an exam to go to and he wont get out of bed! I trickled cold water on him this morning and it seemed to do the trick. I also woke up at 3 in the morning and came down and told him to go to bed so he got an hour more than usual. Hes got an A level geography exam tomorrow which Ive paid for and ive told him he has to go to bed early at 12 tonight. We shall see.

just wanted to see if things were going any better?
been thinking of you - i hope you feel less stressed about the situation!

(and i'm glad the water trick helped!)

wannabedebtfreebeth

Hi Tes

I am Mum to 3 young adults - and I went through various kinds of hell when they were teenagers - different kind for each child! I do know how you are feeling. But the good news is that my three have all now turned into pleasant, capable young adults (and I often felt as helpless and hopeless as you are doing now!)

They are not doing what I would have wanted them to do but they are all happy and healthy and succeeding in what THEY wanted to do.

I have been far from a great Mum but all three are still around and we have really good relationshoips now so please do not give up hope. LEt him know you love him even if you do not agree on everything - or indeed anything as that is what counts most now and eventually.

Love and hugs to you - I really do know what it is like to cry yourself to sleep night after night about your kids!

tesuhoha

Thank you for thinking of me. My son came out of school in tears on Friday after having 4 AS level exams and said that he had failed them. After he told me the disaster in detail I said to him that it was time to give up. My OH has a few ideas for him, like training him to be an electrician but DS does not seem particularly interested. I told him that he should get a job for the summer holidays after he told me that it was easy to get a job in a fast food place. I would like to see how he gets on. It seems very likely now he is not going to make it to his A2 levels. However, I am feeling more positive. There is nothing more we can do to change things. We have done all we can to help him. We just have to let him go his own way I suppose but at the moment he doesnt seem to want anything. I will wait for the exams to be over before I talk to him again. I am just relieved that we have only one more payment of fees and we have made it through. You cannot imagine the relief of no longer having to pay that. We can now concentrate on paying back our debt,

whatamess_2

I have three teenagers, all boys:eek: One way to help him might be to get tough. I had to. Isolated the power to the bedroom so it was switched off at a reasonable hour. Do not give him a penny.Sky sports is about to be switched off. All to try and motivate him into doing something. He is finally starting work for an agency. On the other hand I have been to the job centre with him, nothing for under 18s, connections were not much help at all. Plus when you hear about some teens things are not as bad as they could be. He is not mugging old ladies, stealing cars, doing drugs, shop lifting etc.
Messy

tesuhoha

I know that it seems as if we are pushing him into things but left to his own devices he would do nothing for the rest of his life, just play World of Warcraft quite happily. Another reason OH is going to help him is there's nothing out there but TBH I would like him to find that out first, thehard way.