Feeling Melancholy

lynzpower

i completely agree with you Briona, and I did say this to tes some weeks ago. not having a go at you tes, but at the end of the day if you try to shoehorn him into something, no wonder hes sulking. Lay down the law about whats expected from him board wise, and then leave him to it.

My OH left school with a few pretty low grade GSCES and thats it. Hes been out of work for no more than 2 months, and most of that while he qwas adjusting to living in london and trying to get temp work etc, and a few weeks over Xmas. Alternately, Ive got a degree Im still paying off and a job my OH could have got its a 5 gcse job. Education isnt everything.Finding something you enjoy is what most of us dream of, I for one will be following my heart once these debts are paid off and taking something lower paid, if I find the perfect job it wont matter.

Agencies will have *something* I started in agencies, filing, taking phone messages etc, and yes wasnt thrilling, but it was experience.

there will be some careers guidance around ( for what thats worth, im not a fan) or someone in connexions to help him make the best of his CV. He has been to a good school, it will look good on his CV, and some agency work ( few days here & there) wont even need interviews.





I dont buy this " there are no opportuities" business, my parents said the same to me, and Its so not true.

System

I'll chip in here, as a kid that had a computer/lazyness problem

When I was in school years and years ago, I was a quiet kid, had the old Amiga, and assorted consoles. I would come home from school, play on them till tea, eat tea then jump back on till 11pm or so.

Homework often got ignored or rushed in a 3 am cram session. All this used to make me tired and irritable. I put weight on and had violent temper tantrums.
It stuck with me till I got to Uni and then I discovered the delights of online gaming and would sometimes play for 16 hours straight. This affected my grades and built me into what I am today, quite a shy person with a weight problem. Looking retrospectively, it would have been great to have someone put me on the straight and narrow. If its not nipped in the bud quick, it can cause lots of problems. I don't profess to know what the answer is, but i hope you can sort it because it is so true what they say about those years being the formative years.

sarymclary

13000, I think that should be a lightbulb moment to any parent with a similar problem out there. I'm sure there'll be lots of 'bud nipping' taking place now!

tesuhoha

Thank you for all your helpful and amazing posts, some of them so long that it makes me feel overwhelmed by your kindness and thoughtfulness. I have done it all wrong as a parent I know that now. I wish I could go back to the time when it would have been easy to make him do chores. His room doesnt really get untidy as he hardly spends anytime in there and his washing is thrown in the basket in the bathroom after he has taken a shower so that isnt really an issue. I think we have been weak and we are still being weak but everything tough means a fight and I hate fighting. He is so slippery. I dont know if you know what I mean by that. I have given up trying to push him Lynz except that i am going to suggest that he finds a job for the summer until we find out for sure about his A levels. That will be the decider whether he stays in education or not. At least if he is earning some money he can give me some housekeeping. Im in the Medway area and it is quite a depressed area with a lot of unemployment. If he wants to stay in education I've told him hes either got to apply to a school or college to do his final year of A levels. i told him to write letters but he hasnt bothered with that. He was supposed to go into school this week for revision but has not bothered. OH couldnt be bothered to drag him out of bed yesterday so I'm not going to get myself all stressed about it. Therefore I'm going to wait till hes finished his exams and then gently guide him into looking for a job as I cant stand the thought of him sitting on the computer all summer. All that business about taking the computer controls away from him we should have done years ago but we did not see the addiction coming then. We even bought him Playstations and computers for Christmas. It was just for his amusement and if we had even dreamed it would affect his education in this way then things would have been different. I dont find it easy to fight with him as I'm only 5'3" and hes 6'2". I know that sounds weak but its not easy, he physically stops me if I try to do anything and OH is usually too tired to care. I'm not very technical either. I suppose now im pinning my hopes on him getting a job and becoming more ambitious for himself. I dont mean to whinge on but I am grateful for all your support. I read every post andthere is a lot of useful advice; i just feel that it is too late for him really as he has proved he cant do education at the moment and maybe as many of you have said, he will mature later on. BTW he does cook his own dinner quite frequently but it is usually fried eggs, or spaghetti on toast. Not very nutritional and he has spots although luckily he is very skinny. I usually offer him what I am cooking but sometimes he doesnt lilke it. This year I've tried not to spend much on him because of the school fees. I've really cut back. His clothes are all old and I never buy him Coca-cola or beer or other treats that he likes. He only gets a haircut every 3 months or so and his glasses were hanging off his face and he couldnt see properly before I replaced them. I have funded the rock concerts because I want to see him go out but thats the only reason and I never give him money otherwise. He doesnt ask for much. We havent had a holiday for over 3 years now or even a weekend away. In some respects he is very careful as he gives me every penny he has in his wallet if I ask him for the change for something. I talk about the debt a lot and he seems to have taken that on board.

tesuhoha

sarymclary wrote:

13000, I think that should be a lightbulb moment to any parent with a similar problem out there. I'm sure there'll be lots of 'bud nipping' taking place now!

Yes if any of you out there have young sons, take all this as a dire warning.

tesuhoha

Or daughters for that matter.........

Chortle_2

Tes - Blizzard (the company behind world of warcraft) are well aware of the fact that kids are becoming hooked, and have set up a parental control system. You'd need his login info to be able to set it up though.

info on Blizzards parental controls

Also, just a thought, but WoW costs £8.99 per month to subscribe to the servers - is he paying this, or you?

tesuhoha

Chortle wrote:

Tes - Blizzard (the company behind world of warcraft) are well aware of the fact that kids are becoming hooked, and have set up a parental control system. You'd need his login info to be able to set it up though.

info on Blizzards parental controls

Also, just a thought, but WoW costs £8.99 per month to subscribe to the servers - is he paying this, or you?

Thanks, thats really useful. I'll discuss it with OH tonight. I didnt know about the subscription. Havent got a clue how hes paying it. Should imagine its on his card. He has a cashcard that has been his pocket money account since he was small but lately has been using it for some purchases such as games.

Mrs(no)money

I just wanted to say that i dont think you've 'done it all wrong' at all. You have to remember that being a parent is the only job you get no training for. All kids are different and what works for one child/parent/family set up, doesnt for the next. I'm not saying you've made mistakes, but if you have, you will know that you only learn by making them. We all do our best for our kids, but thats no guarantee that they turn out ok!For what its worth, I dont think you're doing too badly....after all, your son has at least warned you that his exams didnt go well so the lines of communication are still open although it may not always seem like it.

Good on you for not getting stressed about the lack of revision - if he cant be bothered to do it for himself, why should you worry - you've done your best by supporting him financially and emotionally and by advising him. Maybe he knows in his heart of hearts that what he wanted to achieve originally is now beyond him? Or that he's too far behind in his studies to catch up?

If he thinks he can go and get a job easily, then i hope he does, but, as we all know, its not that easy when you're a spotty just-out-of-school kid. If he wont take advice (like most teenageers) then he has to find out for himself - welcome to the real world!

Just try and take each day and face things as they happen - I sometimes find I am so busy wondering what my kids are going to be up to next, I always end up thinking the worst (and the reality is never that bad!).

Finally, keep reminding yourself that you are doing what every good parent does - your best!

Take care and lots of luck

tesuhoha

There is no way i'll be able to get his login info. He is very secretive about it. Hates me looking over his shoulder.