Feeling Melancholy

dellamirandola

He could just be suffering from teenageitis, or he could be depressed. Well worth trying to see if therapy works. And, well, he's got time. It's not like in 20 years time everything is going to depend on whether he pulls himself together now or in three months.

tesuhoha

david_hellier wrote:

Give him a tenner a week, food and a bed. Nothing else. He's ruined.

Well thats what im afraid of. You made a shiver go through me when i read that.

In_Search_Of_Me

Hi...big hug! Teenagers are a bit of a mare at the best of times & a study recently demonstrated that there are times when grunting is all they can do (something to do with hormones..)...I dont have the answers but would like to tell you a wee bit about me...I was educated at boarding school (not posh - due to family circs!) & refused, point blank do do any revision & unsurprisngly left school with (incredibly!) 3 olevels. I hated education & became a nursery nurse having been told by all & sundry that I was thick & it was the best I could do...roll on a few years & deciding- of my own volition - that I would do a literature A level. I loved it & had a very encouraging teacher who said I could do a degree...I did! Then a masters & professional qualifications. turned out that I have "dyslexic tendencies" but am by no means thick. I didnt discover education until my later twenties & until then drifted into jobs I didnt like but got paid for. Your son sounds like he has low self esteem & is quite isolated & I agree that something like princess trust etc may help. I know its frustraing but positive reenforcement works wonders and I know from my own experience the more people "got at me" the lower I got emotionally & the less able i was to even contemplate study. It sounds like he needs some TLC but also needs to learn the consequences of his actions - ie if he doesent study he is likely to fail his exams. You cannot do it for him & part of growing up is learning this but I know that this is hard for you to watch & feel that he is throwing his life away. WHile his sister is doing "well" at uni he is not his sister and needs to be treated as an individual. I dont need to be critical on this but know how hard it is to "follow" a sibling who is doing well & when you feel like cack being told that they are better that you just makes you feel more cack! Not sure if that helps you but just wanted to let you know that there are *&(£^ like me who, despite doing very badly at school & HATING IT I have now done very well (sadly too well at shopping!!!) for myself despite predictions that I was likely to end up as a checkout girl with three kids by the time I was 20! Big hug & hope things imporve for you all soon....

Emmzi

Tesuhoha,

Don't be shivery - not yet. Be practical.

You know how some boys just take longer to get there..? (Sorry guys, it's almost always boys!)

He may well get there in his own time - *if* things aren't made too easy for him. So.. cooking for himself, doing his own laundry.. not relying on 'bank of mum and dad'..?

If he isn't going to school, is it time to sign on - and give mum rent? Just going to the job centre can be scary enough to get a reaction.

Do the school have careers advisors? What do they reckon?

beautifulgorgeous_2

Get out the old photos or videos and reminise about holidays and other good memories. He may open up as to what it was like when he was young and when he feels it all started to go wrong! you need to connect again and going back to when things were simpler may let you do this. The past sometimes seems less threatening than the future and you may gain an understanding of where he is coming from.Do he and his sister get on at all, does she have anything to suggest or does she think that he is a "waste of space". I have a 17 yr old daughter and my son is 10 and they are not exactly close. She is doing AS levels and is on exam leave at present, I am suprised that your son isn`t on leave now. Mary

tesuhoha

Its a private school. Hes even going in for half term revision. DS & DD get on extremely well. We have never made him feel inferior.

tesuhoha

He has an ally when she comes home.

beautifulgorgeous_2

I didn`t mean that you had, just that he might open up to her so you can find out what he really i thinking. He probably misses her when shes away and you must also.

livinginhope

How about getting him to read this thread,then he might realise how badly his behaviour is affecting the family,it might be the case that he doesn't know how upset you are by it all.You can scream and shout at kids,but if they are not listening they will never hear!

tesuhoha

Ive just read on the BBC news about a family of 3 boys who all have a life threatening disease and I know that I have nothing to whinge about really. Thank you all for your kind replies. I have read them all and I am going to take most of your advice, I just dont have time to reply to all. Lynz, yes he is practical when it suits him but he is not practical in building skills just computers. Yes, I really miss DD. When she is home it seems much more of a family and it feels lonelywithout her.