Feeling Melancholy

moggins

Do you have a college near you where he can take his A levels? My daughter was the same at school, she hated it and just wanted to leave, we wanted her to do A levels. We compromised by letting her go to the local college to study, it still wasn't easy and we hit a few rocky spots but at least she left with more than she would have done if she had stayed at school.

Broken_hearted

Couldn't he just give up on A levels altogether and learn a trade instead, he obviosly isnt interested in them. also learning a trade might toughen him up a bit . Round here we are crying out for builders, plumbers and even gardeners plus the ones we have charge a fortune so they must be raking it in.

in*the*red_6

Tes

I agree with what Chortle's said, I'm a parent but not of teenage children and I obviously don't know your son but please don't write him off at age 17 - that's not going to help his confidence, ambition or self-esteem. Your post seems to say you've TOLD him this and that, why not try talking to him, asking him what he wants and let him start making some of his own decisions?

Best wishes

ITR

tesuhoha

Thanks. First about being pushed, we might have pushed him a bit when he was young but we just let him get on with things when he was dooing his GCSEs and then he failed them. He could have got out of study then but he was absolutely shattered and said he wanted to do A levels. Thats why we paid for the school to help him. We havent pushed him at all this year and he got a really bad report from hi9s teachers. I try to make his life as happy as possible by paying for him to go to his rock concerts because otherwise he is a hermit and never goes out. He only has one friend he goes out with although he says he has friends at school. I would like him to go to the local college but he keeps saying he doesnt want to go there. I appreciate what youre saying Chortle and I believe its true, hes probably all over the place and maybe feels under pressure but I want to help him not push him because there arent many chances in teh world for the likes of him. As for him taking up a trade well my husband is a plumber and he took our neighbours boy to work and hes now earning good money but our son is not at all practical and when my OH took him to work with him he spent the day sitting in the van with the heater on. It may come to it that he has to take him to work but he says he wants to go to university still and this comes from him not me so I nag him to study otherwise he wont make it.

tesuhoha

Every time I try to talk to him he says not now Im busy/listening to music/tired/studying (not!)/fed up/cant be bothered to talk about it right now. My OH had a long chat with him 2 weeks ago and they were going to go fishing together but DS could not be bothered even to look on ebay for fishing tackle and OH is so busy, doesnt have tiem.

MushyPeas

Hiay tesuhoha, hope you slept well. What about asking him to come and talk to you when he is ready? Maybe if you just remind him you are there and leave him to his own devices he will then come and talk with you.

What about going fishing to a place where they supply tackle, like a lake?

FrankieM

I don't really know what to say....but I'm thinking of you in this this difficult time with your son.
I have younger children and so in my idealistic way, I generally think that if you give young people too much then they don't have to work for anything and so I wonder if they then ever really become passionate about anything.
Unfortunately that view doesn't help you in the here and now.

Maybe you now need to leave the ball in his court. You've told him to contact schools about next year, so now leave it to him.
Don't write him off by all means, but do let him start to take responsibility for his future.

As I said my views are quite idealistic, as I've not had to put any of them into practise !!
But try not to despair...

fruitycar

If he is uncomfortable talking or finds it difficult to say how he is feeling, why not ask him to write it down? it doesnt have to be a formal letter, even just a random list of jumbled thoughts might help him clarify something in his own mind. You say he listens to music, it may be that the lyrics of his favourite/most listened to songs may reflect how he is feeling but not able to put into words.
Does he have a pet? Its amazing what responsibility for another living creature can do for someones self esteem. (Hope it's not a snake......)
Can you find fishing tackle on ebay and then show him the choice, let him pick. Break it down into bite size chunks for him to deal with, babysteps along the way to taking responsibilty.
I do have family, girls 22 and 19, and one of 7.

rkh001

Sorry to hear about your 'trouble' with your son tesuhoha. I don't have children so can't offer anything substantial. But I do have a step-daughter and we have had a lot of trouble with her. She refused to go to school, when she was there she would get the teachers to call her mum because she was 'sick'. This went on for years and it so happened that one day my hubby picked her up from school and took her straight to the hospital, even though she insisted that she was sick but not very sick! To cut a long story short, we ended up getting her to see a child psychologist and now she is a lot better.
Please don't get me wrong - I don't think anything is wrong with your son as he is just being a teenager. But it might help to consider getting him to talk to a stranger or a family member that he can confide in so that any concerns that he might have may be aired. The world is a scary place for teenagers, especially if they are not streetwise. That does not make him a hopeless case.
Like someone has said, he might fare a lot better if given responsibility. Kids like that, makes them feel important. Also, you might want to consider a line of "you can apply to gain qualifications that would allow you to work in the computer games industry as you have an innate ability to do so well in them". Might just get him to think.
I am rambling now so I will stop but whatever you do, remember that there are loads of people here who might have had the same experiences with their children or they might even be those children who are now taking responsibility for their own lives. I guess children have to be left to make their own mistakes as long as the parents are there to help them through the mess and hopefully the children come out better people.
Hugs to you.

Annie_Fanny

Would anything like this get him going?

http://www.raleighinternational.org/ He would need to do fundraising etc but you never know...if he is completely taken out of his environment and tested a bit then maybe...?

I went to Guyana in South America (with Raleight International) when I was 18 - and it was an utterly life changing experience. Made me realise how lucky I was even though I was from East Hull and parents were going through a divorce!

I know that people here say that you may be being hard on him but sorry I think the opposite. Although I do not have kids I sympathise with you as it must be so heart breaking to raise a kid who turns out to be lazy and with no drive. Many many people do not realise how fantastic life is and what a gift we have been given.

I know a family who are in the same boat. The younger son is really go getting - into sports etc - but the older son 20 is a complete layabout - won't work says it is boring etc just wants to go out and get p*ssed - but unfortunately he has just been in trouble with the law and his family are having to pay for all the court fees! The parents have always helped him but refuse to throw him out - pay for him to go on holiday! Sometimes I think you need to be cruel to be kind. Harsh words I know.