"Bullying" on the forum

MrsE_2

valk_scot wrote: »

The other thing is to make PMs readable by mods, and archived even when deleted in an individual message box, ie leave the messaging aspect but remove the privacy bit. I've been on forums that have had one of these systems which work very well. Keeps the real poison out the system, and makes folk think twice about what they post "up front" for anyone to read.

I always assumed they could read them:o
They should be able to.

Zazen999

Impleo wrote: »

I am posting under an ae and only because I enjoy posting on MSE and want to continue without the stress of potentially being labelled a troublemaker. I have no "friends" on MSE and am only posting as a outsider looking in.

I think cliques are a natural part of life, whether in a playground, workplace, online forum, sports team etc. etc. I just see them as a close group of friends who have naturally bonded over similar interests and experiences. I don't see any real harm as long as they are civil and respectful and inviting to those around them.

The issue I have with Old Style and the reason I refuse to post, particularly on the daily thread, is the use of the thanks button to what appears to deliberately alienate other, regular posters. I know a few posters who click the thanks button on all but one other regular poster and I just can't understand why they would choose to leave that person out every single time they post a perfectly decent contribution. To me, that is bullying.

Yes, of course sometimes we mistakenly don't thank someone, or are in the habit of only thanking posts that are particularly relevant to us and that is fine, but not deliberately leaving them out and thus making someone feel uncomfortable. Yes I do check regularly and yes, perhaps I should occupy my time more, but I know first hand that there is nothing more hurtful than being made to feel an outsider in a large group. I would urge that those that knowingly do that to rethink.

MrsE wrote: »

Thats really sad:(
Its also sad that you had to create an AE to voice this:(

I know exactly why they made a new user name to voice this - last time there was trouble on the board; I mentioned the above points and was lambasted for it; for days on end. Every time I came back with my thoughts and feelings on the matter; in they waded again. It started with saying that I didn't post on the daily thread because it was cliquey.....and ended with 'aah well, it will blow over until next time'...and I take it this is now the next time.

Churchmouse

MrsE wrote: »

I always assumed they could read them:o
They should be able to.

:eek::eek::eek: No, no, no. They are PMs, PRIVATE messages. They should remain private unless one of the parties wishes to let abuse see them. This allows anyone who is being abused or bullied by PM a remedy, but why should anyone else see something I've sent to another member in trust. Not that I send nasty PMs or anything, mostly mine are total rubbish, but the principle remains ;)

OrkneyStar

Churchmouse wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: No, no, no. They are PMs, PRIVATE messages. They should remain private unless one of the parties wishes to let abuse see them. This allows anyone who is being abused or bullied by PM a remedy, but why should anyone else see something I've sent to another member in trust. Not that I send nasty PMs or anything, mostly mine are total rubbish, but the principal remains ;)

Some people may give contact details etc by PM, if they are, say posting something, or whatever. A BG does not need to see this surely (not that I don't trust them of course!). I presume admins can see more than BG's can ?

mummysaver

If bullying is occurring then it is only right that something is done about it, but we do all have the option to ignore other posters, and apparently to change our pm settings (thanks, didn't know about this one!).

As for the search thing, there is a guide to how to search somewhere, if I could do a linky thing I would! Though I appreciate that anyone new wouldn't necessarily expect to find a guide to it, and mostly people are pretty helpful about directing posters to the correct thread and the board guides do a great job providing links as well.

I hope that this is all sorted out quickly.

Nordictat2

Impleo wrote: »

I am posting under an ae and only because I enjoy posting on MSE and want to continue without the stress of potentially being labelled a troublemaker. I have no "friends" on MSE and am only posting as a outsider looking in.

I think cliques are a natural part of life, whether in a playground, workplace, online forum, sports team etc. etc. I just see them as a close group of friends who have naturally bonded over similar interests and experiences. I don't see any real harm as long as they are civil and respectful and inviting to those around them.

The issue I have with Old Style and the reason I refuse to post, particularly on the daily thread, is the use of the thanks button to what appears to deliberately alienate other, regular posters. I know a few posters who click the thanks button on all but one other regular poster and I just can't understand why they would choose to leave that person out every single time they post a perfectly decent contribution. To me, that is bullying.

Yes, of course sometimes we mistakenly don't thank someone, or are in the habit of only thanking posts that are particularly relevant to us and that is fine, but not deliberately leaving them out and thus making someone feel uncomfortable. Yes I do check regularly and yes, perhaps I should occupy my time more, but I know first hand that there is nothing more hurtful than being made to feel an outsider in a large group. I would urge that those that knowingly do that to rethink.

It is a shame you had to go under another name to voice your true opinion.

It's funny you mention the thank button issue. I have noticed that some people click on peoples thanks button even when they aren't offering any help in any way and it's the same select few..seem to stick together.

What DOES hurt my feelings a wee bit is when I invest MY time in helping people..either with my advice or actually going and searching for things "for the OP" and they can't even bother to click the thanks button or SAY thank you. A bit rude..if you ask me. I know not everyone is like that as there are plenty of grateful folks but there are some who don't bother.

thriftlady_2

Impleo wrote: »

The issue I have with Old Style and the reason I refuse to post, particularly on the daily thread, is the use of the thanks button to what appears to deliberately alienate other, regular posters. I know a few posters who click the thanks button on all but one other regular poster and I just can't understand why they would choose to leave that person out every single time they post a perfectly decent contribution. To me, that is bullying.

.

That's news to me and seems very petty. I enjoy posting on the daily without taking too much notice of the thanks button. I use it say thanks for a useful or funny post or to thank people who have directly addressed me. I know a lot of people use it to mark their place on the thread for when they catch up later in the day.

jennyjelly

MrsE wrote: »

OS is friendly & a lovely board where people try to help each other.

But I have had a few curt remarks from long standing OSers because I didn't want to do as they told me too.

Composting was one I remember. Now I didn't ask anyone for advice about composting I just answered another that I agreed with them that visitors would be my worry too. I had a few regular OSers telling me I should compost & I was just making excuses!:rolleyes:

Then someone said how dare I ask for advice & not take it:rolleyes:

But I never asked for advice on composting, I just answered a post that someone had said why they didn't like the idea & I agreed with them.:eek:

I remember this compost business well and remember thinking the comments aimed at MrsE were a bit sharp and unnecessary. As I'm a bit of a wimp and would probably burst into tears and never come back if I felt I was the target of such comments I tend to stay out of discussions when I see this sort of 'feistiness' going on. Not everybody can let it bounce off them, some of us are a bit more sensitive and come on here for support, not criticism.

Having said that, I do find that mostly there is a good feeling here, and the OS board is by far the nicest. Please let's keep it that way!

Just want to say thanks to the guides too, it must be quite difficult when things like this have to be dealt with.

b4be

ive seen loads of bullying on other forums , a groom on the wedding forum slagging peoples dress etc , thankfully they will only have to put up with him till he's married ,i pity the poor bride to be that has to put up with him for life , seen one woman who was warning people if they go for the m&s dine in for 2 for £10 and one course is sold out , you will be charged the whole ammount at the checkout without the offer discount , to be told if she wanted to eat for a tenner go to lidl , which wasnt the point she was making , she was in the praise , vents and warnings section too, not the cheapest groceries challenge section

but people are rude in real life so it will spill into the forums , dont know about the os forum , havent been on much , love reading the sneaky ways to save the pennies thread ,

but i do feel that anyone who points a potenially bulling incident out is made to feel like a bully and pounced on for stating the obvious , so why bother ,

some people will say it is bulling, some say it aint , it stops there for awhile until the same rude tactless person makes another comment and then it starts all over again

so best bet is to say nothing on the forums , but report , report , report , and hope the admin do something about it

rosieben

this board is so big its easy for newbies to be lost or overwhelmed and we should cut them some slack if they ask questions that have 'been done before'; the same can apply to some longer-standing forum members, we're not all computer whizzes but OS'ers are very good at giving help if needed :T

I've noticed a few posters with a condescending attitude and some are very heavy on their own opinions. One actually annoyed me so much I blocked them in defence of my blood pressure they may still be blocked actually, it was ages ago and I'd forgotten about them until now! :rolleyes:

I'd not be happy if PM's became not so private, not sure how easy it would be to allow guides access to specific posters messages but that could be a way of calming things

We have regular discussions on OS about the use of the thanks button I use it to keep track of the grocery thread (so I dont miss any good recipes!) but I was looking for something last night and I found one post that I'd missed (2 pages back!). It was certainly not intentional so I hope no one would jump to any conclusions about that