"Bullying" on the forum

Nordictat2

ceridwen wrote: »

awwww....and can I have the kitten - she's so CUTE!!!

Hehe that kitten isn't mine. I have 3 kitties of my own but none like that little ball of white fluff :P Pics like that just make me smile

Nomoneymummy_2

Thanks to Zippychick and ceridwen, I didnt know there was a proper way to search for things and hats v. usefull, Know I've been guilty on posting things that have prob been covered so many times before!,

This being said though when I have I've only ever had polite replys and help, no nastiness or bullying, so huge thanks to all...

Caterina

Glad to see that the majority of posters here feel that OS is a friendly place. Having said that we need to take into account the minority, those who feel bullied and vulnerable on the forum.

Geordie Joe said that he can give as good as he gets, which is fine, so can I, but some people feel easily intimidated and I am sure that they are the bullies' targets.

I had someone (on another MSE thread) really attack me about the fact that I objected to buy bottled water in a shop and asked for tap water! How silly is that for a subject, but there was this person who really had a go at me. Other posters really took up my defence and this "battle" went on for a little while. In the end it got so silly that I decided it was no longer worth it replying, as by doing so I was just feeding into this sad person's need to fight a stranger online!

It is easy enough to be perceived as bullying if you express a strong opinion which is contrary to the majority view, I suppose, but if we all take responsibility to always reply courteously and support the less outspoken members of the forum, we should be able hopefully to continue enjoying this beautiful OS forum!

Also, let's not forget the old maxim:

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS!

Love and peace, OSers!

Caterina

Edited to add: It is always good manners to welcome a new person on to a thread, just a few welcoming words from a few of the regulars are enough to help people feel more "at home". Please let's all do it, it takes so little and it makes a huge difference for the new person.

kunekune

Rather hesitant to express a view here, especially as I'm about to head off to work.

I think there are some cliques, but mostly it is easy to avoid them - they are associated around some particular long-running threads, and if this is somewhere you pop in for occasional advice or to answer other people's questions, they aren't threads you need to go onto. Cliques are unavoidable, especially as so many people post and many posters have been here a long time.

The use of PMs to take a discussion off-board is tricky - I've sometimes had them or sent them, and I've never been unhappy (well, except for once, on another board where I got three 'helpful' notes from someone in quick succession, but hadn't really wanted that kind of help and felt a bit patronised). But isn't there an option to turn PMs off? If there isn't, then that would be useful, and it would mean that people could choose to keep all their conversations public. It would also be an easy way to 'discipline' someone who had misbehaved - let them on the forum but block their PMs for a bit. Real friends have each their email addresses anyway.

The other thing that has cropped up is board cleaning/getting into trouble for not searching first. I have mixed feelings about this, because I've been on the receiving end of this. I don't mind being joined onto an existing thread, but I like it when PP says "I'll do this in a couple of days". That's tactful, as you still get the sense that it's your own thread. What can feel very much as though you are being ticked off is when the thread is moved to another board altogether ... often to be ignored, in circumstances where you know that people here would have responded. I wonder whether the same 'put it on hold for a bit' approach might work. On the whole it is done very tactfully, and it is of course MSE policy not just the interpretation applied on OS. I don't think any major changes are needed.

valk_scot

Well, speaking as a long-time MSE-er and veteran of many a Boots thread...:eek: (and the Boots furum DID get shut down for bullying, cliqueyness and downright open warfare, remember...)

I tend to regard myself as a clique of one, ie, I don't take sides. However I do take note...and in the few brief weeks I've been on the OS I have noted a few frictions. In fact, I could probably list half a dozen names here that basically seem to have history with one another and never pass the opportunity to have a wee dig in the most "innocent and reasonable" way. I gather though that most of the action takes place off stage. So I've got a very strong suspicion that Andrea is right but that we on the forum threads don't really see most of what's going on.

Two solutions to this. And I say this as an ex mod of other forums. First is to disable the PM system. How annoying would that be, eh, for the innocent as well? The other thing is to make PMs readable by mods, and archived even when deleted in an individual message box, ie leave the messaging aspect but remove the privacy bit. I've been on forums that have had one of these systems which work very well. Keeps the real poison out the system, and makes folk think twice about what they post "up front" for anyone to read.

geordie_joe

kunekune wrote: »

But isn't there an option to turn PMs off?

You can turn your own off, or set it so you just get PM's from mods and your contacts.

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

I used to be on here several times a day but since the early spring I've been so busy I get to look in when I can manage it.
Hopefully now the colder weather is here I can catch up on everything.
I have to say I've not seen any bullying but as I've said I've not been on as often.
I've always found this board (unlike some of the others) to be such a comfy place to come and it would be very sad if it were to be spoiled.

OrkneyStar

momoyama wrote: »

As a side thing. I won't "agree to disagree". That's just overly PC nonsense. I'll quite happily and respectfully disagree, though. Disagreeing is what makes forums interesting and fun.

Agreeing to disagree IS respectfully disagreeing IMHO....what would you call it ? I often use the phrase when a discussion is going round in circles, people clearly have differing opinons, neither of which are wrong......so no matter how many times they restate this point they will never quite agree, so they agree to disagree!
x

Impleo

I am posting under an ae and only because I enjoy posting on MSE and want to continue without the stress of potentially being labelled a troublemaker. I have no "friends" on MSE and am only posting as a outsider looking in.

I think cliques are a natural part of life, whether in a playground, workplace, online forum, sports team etc. etc. I just see them as a close group of friends who have naturally bonded over similar interests and experiences. I don't see any real harm as long as they are civil and respectful and inviting to those around them.

The issue I have with Old Style and the reason I refuse to post, particularly on the daily thread, is the use of the thanks button to what appears to deliberately alienate other, regular posters. I know a few posters who click the thanks button on all but one other regular poster and I just can't understand why they would choose to leave that person out every single time they post a perfectly decent contribution. To me, that is bullying.

Yes, of course sometimes we mistakenly don't thank someone, or are in the habit of only thanking posts that are particularly relevant to us and that is fine, but not deliberately leaving them out and thus making someone feel uncomfortable. Yes I do check regularly and yes, perhaps I should occupy my time more, but I know first hand that there is nothing more hurtful than being made to feel an outsider in a large group. I would urge that those that knowingly do that to rethink.

MrsE_2

Impleo wrote: »

The issue I have with Old Style and the reason I refuse to post, particularly on the daily thread, is the use of the thanks button to what appears to deliberately alienate other, regular posters. I know a few posters who click the thanks button on all but one other regular poster and I just can't understand why they would choose to leave that person out every single time they post a perfectly decent contribution. To me, that is bullying.

Yes, of course sometimes we mistakenly don't thank someone, or are in the habit of only thanking posts that are particularly relevant to us and that is fine, but not deliberately leaving them out and thus making someone feel uncomfortable. Yes I do check regularly and yes, perhaps I should occupy my time more, but I know first hand that there is nothing more hurtful than being made to feel an outsider in a large group. I would urge that those that knowingly do that to rethink.

Thats really sad:(
Its also sad that you had to create an AE to voice this:(