"Bullying" on the forum

ubamother

I love MrsE's term 'bossy tone'!

Terry Pratchett had a wonderful phrase - I'm can't quote it, but basically it said that when you get the label 'mother', you automatically give everyone else a little bit of the label "child"

I'm not convinced this happens just to mothers either!

catman-without_wings

MrsE wrote: »

I agree, its more a bossy tone than a bullying one IMHO.


We women are masters at multi-tasking:D

ETA what I was trying to say we are all different & different things work for all of us.

Take your word for it Mrs E:rotfl: Wouldn't know as (despite my fantastic cooking:rotfl::rotfl:-not!) I am 100% male. Honest.

Nomoneymummy_2

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Equally so could I, as it was mainly my posts she choose for dissection!
But I realise she was just having a healthy discussion, even if it was a bit off topic IMHO.

Agreed also but it does get the point across of how easily accusations of bullying could occur,
Tis a shame as Im pretty sure 99% of people post well meaning replys and that there are a few (never noticed any yet) who are bullying for there own reasons etc!!
Ohh well, Im off to bully the children into picking up toys!!!:D:rolleyes:

thriftlady_2

MrsE wrote: »

I agree, its more a bossy tone than a bullying one IMHO.

I think that's a fair point. I'm afraid I'm guilty of being bossy and I apologise for it. I will be thinking more carefully about how I word my posts in future:)

ETA Point taken too Jennyjelly.

candygirl

thriftlady wrote: »

I think that's a fair point. I'm afraid I'm guilty of being bossy and I apologise for it. I will be thinking more carefully about how I word my posts in future:)

ETA Point taken too Jennyjelly.

There's nowt wrong with bossiness imo;):D

jennyjelly

There does seem to be a hard core of regulars who clearly spend an awful lot of their day on the site, and they are the backbone of the board.

But it does leave those of us who just dip a toe in occasionally, either to find out about something or to add a comment if we think we can help, in danger of feeling that we are not part of the in crowd. It's bound to happen.

Most of the core members can generally be relied on to be kind, helpful and supportive, but just occasionally there is a 'I know best because I've got a higher post count than you' moment. If several of the regulars who share the same view on a topic all join in it does feel a bit like pack politics. Not very nice at all and, unless you have a very thick skin, easy to construe as bullying. Hopefully the regulars will take this on board if they are not already aware of it.

And BTW I'm NOT talking about people just having different opinions - long live that, and our right to express them in a CONSTRUCTIVE way!

MrsE_2

catman-without_wings wrote: »

Take your word for it Mrs E:rotfl: Wouldn't know as (despite my fantastic cooking:rotfl::rotfl:-not!) I am 100% male. Honest.

My DH is hopeless.

He can't even think while doing something:rotfl:

Bunny200

There seem to be 3 problems IMHO

1) Basic Netiquette - the written form is very difficult to get opinions, views and feeling over in a concise form without much re-writing and analysis. Therefore t'internet forums will always have many examples of people trying unsuccessfully to succiently voice their POV.

2) Some people will take offense at anything! I know many people IRL who will take offense at the most innocent comment, look, or action so I'm not surprised that many people take offense at something written in a post due to point 1!

3) Some people just like to provoke an argument, inc members of my family! These posters are just Trolls and best ignored.

Sometimes I'm surprised at comments which people do that offense at and I generally put it down to a combination of point 1 & 2. If I think a comment was a bit b!tchy I generally take the view that people aren't trying to offend me and I must have read it wrongly due to point 1.

The only thing that does annoy me sometimes on MSE is people criticizing posts for spelling and grammer errors. Language evolves over time and technology increases the speed of this evolution. I doubt any forum, unless on the use of English, will have correct grammer or spelling all of the time. Sometimes posters are quickly trying to post (usually b4 the boss comes back!)therefore on t'internet the use of emoticons & abbreviations are a way of enabling fast interchange.

IMHO to try to reduce the amount of offense posters should quickly scan their posts to check theres nothing obvious that would cause offense, and readers should take comments with a pinch of salt as I'm sure people don't mean to mean to offend and those that do, point 3, are best ignored and left in darkness!

Hopefully I haven't offended anyone in this post!!!!!!!!

Reverbe

Great post Bunny. I have also found both here and on other chatsites and forums that some people can take an irrational and illogical dislike to people whose lifestyles and circumstances differ from their own.IMO Takes all sorts to make a world and what a dull place it would be if we were all exactly the same.Each is as valid as the other.

rosieben

jennyjelly wrote: »

There does seem to be a hard core of regulars who clearly spend an awful lot of their day on the site, and they are the backbone of the board.

But it does leave those of us who just dip a toe in occasionally, either to find out about something or to add a comment if we think we can help, in danger of feeling that we are not part of the in crowd. It's bound to happen.

Most of the core members can generally be relied on to be kind, helpful and supportive, but just occasionally there is a 'I know best because I've got a higher post count than you' moment. If several of the regulars who share the same view on a topic all join in it does feel a bit like pack politics. Not very nice at all and, unless you have a very thick skin, easy to construe as bullying. Hopefully the regulars will take this on board if they are not already aware of it.
...

you've given me something to think about jennyjelly, I try to be friendly and helpful and I'd hate to think that I was contributing to making anyone feel like an outsider; so I shall be aware in future

when I first discovered these forums I was in dire straits - no, not Dire Straits! - and I found so much good advice and support here it really helped me. I try to pass it on as much as I can.

I love OS and spend a lot of time here when I should be house cleaning