I just do not know what to do

Kay_Peel

Sorry to hear about your distress TinaT.

It sounds to me as though your husband is not convinced that the Other Woman is for him. He has returned to you, but his heart isn't really on rebuilding and strengthening your marriage.

I suspect that if a third woman came along and fulfilled all his needs, then he would have no hesitation in leaving both of you.

Firefly

Tina, sounds to me like your OH is having his cake AND eating it!

The title of this thread is 'I just do not know what to do'.

I know what I'd did and would do again if in the same situation. I'd make him leave. Don't think so little of yourself that you'll put up with his behaviour.

paddy's_mum

The thing is, the other woman isn't letting him "get away with" anything. She is being lied to, deceived and manipulated in exactly the same way as Tina has been and this has already been going on for months. In a way, IYSWIM, I almost feel sorry for her since she also is being tricked and cheated by the same swindler, guilty party though she may have been in the beginning.

Tina - if you go back to post 624 (around page 30) by Mutter, you will see that almost two months on, absolutely nothing has changed especially the lies. If you still haven't levelled with your in-laws, then I would ask if you believe that you are a truthful person. If you are, why are you enabling his lies?

If you love your husband enough to be sleeping with him plus his other woman (and her alcohol and the 'god knows what else' you mention in your post 732) plus her other married man (and so on like a game of falling dominoes) I hope to God you are practising sex so safe that you wrap his pecker in a remoulded tyre! If you can't see the whole picture, can you at least see the danger that you are in and do something about that?

98sidney

Ok been here and done this. 8 times I took my ex back and I also heard stories about what the other woman was like and how she would end it if she knew we were together.
And how he has tried to get away and she just wont take no for an answer..
All lies it was him he was keeping in contact and giving her same hopes and dreams as he was me , weighing us both up to see what one was better..

End result I found the courage to say go and be with her I dont want you, though part of me did but just couldnt believe a word he said anymore.
I also wrote a letter to the other woman so she knew they had my blessing and that in time I would like us to be polite to each other because she would be around my kids..

2 weeks they lasted, but I held my ground and never took him back..

Me and the other woman actually spoke and swapped all the things he had said to me and she done the same, he was the liar not us, he was the one saying same things to us both, and saying bad things about me, just like he did with me about her..

I wouldnt being calling the other woman names, it takes two and like other posters have said you dont know what story she has been told about your marriage.
IE classic saying from men, we dont sleep together anymore we are more like brother and sister..

I am also very sus about kids texting him to say their mum is drinking, could it be she has made them do that so your husband will go round there..

I agree with other posters the very least he could do is change his number, and if he doesnt agree then I am sorry you have your answer. Let him go and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve..

Pollycat

Tina
I agree with what everybody else has been posting.
paddy's mum has made the point that things haven't changed for 2 months but it's much longer than that.

tinatony1 wrote: »

After speaking to him when he returned he dropped the bombshell that he doesnt even know if he wants to repair it

he said he needed a couple of days apart to think things over so i agreed, what else could i do, keep him hostage!

Crazily enough, your quote above was in reply #23 from 12th October!

So his few days have turned into almost 4 months and he's no nearer to making a decision.
And he never will as long as he has 2 women fawning over him.
He's probably sniggering to himself that he can't believe his luck.

paddy's mum asked an interesting question - do your in-laws know the full situation now?
If they do, what do they think?

She also raised a frightening possible scenario about sexual contact between the 3 main and who knows how many more peripheral characters in this tangled web.

misgrace

Grrrrr I had written a good reply, my first to this thread, and the stupid window thing came up asking me to sign in again, even though I already had, so I lost the whole flippen thing.:eek:

I have been reading the thread till about page 16, then caught up with again today, I havent posted on it before, as I didnt know whether I wanted to send you hugs or send you a shake, but I read that not a lot has changed in the sense he's back with you and things are still not working out.
So,In a nutshell, make your mind up what your going to do, he has and is playing you like a violin, he wants you, he wants her, he drives you around, he pours out his woes, they had a row, he left, he's back with you, he's still not too sure, he's getting texts, your walking on eggshells.

If you want a solution to the problem, get rid of the problem, (him) this is going on for too long now, and your still in hell, because he is not making it any easier for you, because your allowing him to walk over you, your accepting the crumbs from his table.

I know you love him etc, but stop faffing around, get it sorted one way or the other, this cannot go on, its not healthy or fair to you, you are the one that needs the backbone, your the one thats been sinned against.

I dont mean to come across as harsh and brutal, but all this fannying about isnt do any of you any good, if he wants her, let him go and good riddince, as you cant hold onto something that isnt there.:(
You'l get over it, you'l survive, I did, and I bet 3/4 of the posters who have given you excellent advice has as well.

I really hope it all pans out.:)

swiss69

Why are some women obsessed with keeping a man who treats them this way?

I really dont see how you can be "In love" with someone who has not only done this to you, but has then continued to do it for over 4 months!

Have some self respect, get rid of him, grieve for your loss and then get back in the saddle and find someone who will love and respect you.

This man just isn't worth it......

jennieshrew

I really do hope that things work out for you but you really are setting yourself up for a fall here. After everything he has put you through he should only be back with you on your terms. And your terms need to involve a whole lot more common sense.

If he loves you and is sorry and is serious about being with you then he would be trying a whole lot harder. Not changing his phone number is unacceptable and shows that he wants her to be able to contact him. He needs to move out and go and live with family or a friend until he can sort his mind out properly.

A few weeks ago you said that if he did come back then you wouldnt be walked over but because he has only half come back to you, you are still trying to fight for him and keep him wanting you.

I really hope that you can work things out and it's so easy for me to say all this stuff as im not in your situation at the moment but I have been and I know how you are feeling.

Good luck x

*Louise*

Men tend to want what they can't have

Show him the door - he will soon make his decision. If it's not you then ask yourself - what have you REALLY lost??

When you were younger, did you dream of a man who only half-loved you, and couldn't decide between you and another woman?

You deserve to find your prince - get rid of the frog who is holding you back xxx

pammie39

hi tina.......hi all

i have read all the posts and replys since the first one. i do aggree with the other posters saying that he is having his cake and eating it!!!!!

everyone says to get him to change his number, can YOU get his phone???? if so, you could always go into call barring and bar her number, then cancel her number of his phone. this way she cant contact him via phone or him-her.

hope this helps alittle
good luck, you are so strong. xxxxx