Absolutely fuming with school!!

shellsuit

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

Is the male teacher your kid's form tutor, hun?

No, her form tutor is female, the male teacher was the teacher of the class she was on her way to when it happened.

memelalou

I can only add what happened in a simular situation to me.
I was in year 6 at primary school, when at lunch we was all playing tag. On lad pinned me down instead of grabbing or touching me to 'tag me' and started rubbing himself on me. Luckly two other boys got him of me, even though i didn't quite understand the full implications of it as i was young, i still was shaken and scared of the boy.

The head teacher took me out of lessons until he contacted my mum then sent me home. I was later moved into another class. The boy wasn't moved as he had learning and behavioral difficulties and needed my previous teacher who had worked with children with these difficulitys before.

I still think more should have been done in my situation, but it just shows the school is not taking your daughters sitution seriously. You could say a bottom pinch is one thing {though it's not right}, but for some dirty lad to try to grope her further is quite another.

shellsuit

memelalou wrote: »

I can only add what happened in a simular situation to me.
I was in year 6 at primary school, when at lunch we was all playing tag. On lad pinned me down instead of grabbing or touching me to 'tag me' and started rubbing himself on me. Luckly two other boys got him of me, even though i didn't quite understand the full implications of it as i was young, i still was shaken and scared of the boy.

The head teacher took me out of lessons until he contacted my mum then sent me home. I was later moved into another class. The boy wasn't moved as he had learning and behavioral difficulties and needed my previous teacher who had worked with children with these difficulitys before.

I still think more should have been done in my situation, but it just shows the school is not taking your daughters sitution seriously. You could say a bottom pinch is one thing {though it's not right}, but for some dirty lad to try to grope her further is quite another.

Oh that's awful! Good on the school for dealing with it immediately and appropriately though!

That's what I keep saying, that it wasn't a brush past, a pinch, a smack etc, but a full on grab and it doesn't seem to be getting through to them.

Like she's gonna lie about it !!!!!!, she was with her friend when it happened who went with her to report it to the teacher.

I know my daughter and I know if she thought nothing of it, she wouldn't have said anything to any member of staff as she's really quiet and shy when dealing with someone with authority ~ apart from me lol!

Minxy_Bella

shellsuit wrote: »

No, her form tutor is female, the male teacher was the teacher of the class she was on her way to when it happened.

Righty ho - I don't quite understand why the poor male teacher has been lumped with this then.

In most schools, the first point of contact is the form tutor who usually deals with all problems until it reaches a more serious level when the HOY takes it up. For more severe concerns, the HOY should be picking it up straight away.

The other thing I was going to say is that it's entirely possible that the HOY won't be able to see you after school, in which case, I'd demand to see her line manager or any other senior member of staff.

Good luck!

shellsuit

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

Righty ho - I don't quite understand why the poor male teacher has been lumped with this then.

In most schools, the first point of contact is the form tutor who usually deals with all problems until it reaches a more serious level when the HOY takes it up. For more severe concerns, the HOY should be picking it up straight away.

The other thing I was going to say is that it's entirely possible that the HOY won't be able to see you after school, in which case, I'd demand to see her line manager or any other senior member of staff.

Good luck!

Just checked the school handbook online and he is the Head of learning plus the teacher she was on her way to. (There are that many heads of this and that, that I get confused! )

I haven't even spoken to the form tutor.

Like I said if I don't hear anything from HOY I'll go there at the end of the school day. If she can't see me (I'm prepared to wait though!), then I'll ask to speak to whoever is over her, because it's just getting ridiculous.

maggied_2

Oh God they're really not doing themselves any favours here are they? I know HOYs are very busy but speaking to the parent of a child who has complained of having her privates touched at school by an older boy surely takes priority.

Shellsuit - in order to get the most out of your conversation with HOY can I recommend:

1. Take an itinerary of the events including your daughter's complaint, action taken by the school and dates and times of your attempts to speak to them
2. Say "thank you for seeing me" and then explain why you are there and what you hope to achieve by speaking to her. If she says she's in a rush ask her how much time she can spare and then - don't be fobbed off into coming back another time.
3. Ask lots of who, what, where, why, how questions and let her talk. Ie - what is your policy on this? Why was I not contacted sooner? How will you deal with this? What will you do to reassure my daughter that her complaint is being taken seriously?
Don't ask "are you going to do something" or "will you review your policy on this" because it'll be easier to give "yes / no" answers without actually telling you anything.
4. Have some 'action' decided at the end of the meeting "Right so you're going to speak to XYZ, then you're going to call me, then you're going to speak to my daughter" etc.

I'm not suggesting that you don't know how to have a conversation but she sounds a bit hopeless (and some people are just not good at dealing with this sort of thing), it's the end of the school day, you'll have a baby with you and you're quite rightly p*ssed off.
If you can be logical about it you'll get more out of it and be less likely to lose your rag.

Hope that doesn't sound too patronising, it's just something I use when I have to go to 'difficult' meetings and it always gets me through!

C xxx

Puzzledbubbles

hey shellsuit,

just caught up quickly, i just wanted to say, well done for looking at this as level headdedly as possible and for asking your DD what she would like to do, many parents would just have waded in and not thought about the long term implications for other children and for DD moving on.

I think that the idea of lisitng out everything is great, it will allow you to be fully prepared, also, would it be possible for you to get both teachers in the room at the same time? That way you can all discuss it together rather than having the HOY say she has to wait for the opinon of Male teacher etc etc.

I hope this gets sorted soon - how is DD coping with it at school? has she had to go back to this lesson yet? i only ask becuase she will be walking through the hall at the same time with the same students behind her (probably) and that might be a bit tough.

Maybe you could ask the school about some form of councellor for her to talk to?

Hope it gets sorted this avo!

Puzzled x

Minxy_Bella

shellsuit wrote: »

Just checked the school handbook online and he is the Head of learning plus the teacher she was on her way to. (There are that many heads of this and that, that I get confused! )

I haven't even spoken to the form tutor.

Like I said if I don't hear anything from HOY I'll go there at the end of the school day. If she can't see me (I'm prepared to wait though!), then I'll ask to speak to whoever is over her, because it's just getting ridiculous.

Ah ok - so he's presumably the Head of Department?? So that would be why he's involved and why the HOY was happy for him to talk to you about it.

I don't know why they have to keep changing their ruddy titles - it's all very silly!

shellsuit

maggied wrote: »

Oh God they're really not doing themselves any favours here are they? I know HOYs are very busy but speaking to the parent of a child who has complained of having her privates touched at school by an older boy surely takes priority.

Shellsuit - in order to get the most out of your conversation with HOY can I recommend:

1. Take an itinerary of the events including your daughter's complaint, action taken by the school and dates and times of your attempts to speak to them
2. Say "thank you for seeing me" and then explain why you are there and what you hope to achieve by speaking to her. If she says she's in a rush ask her how much time she can spare and then - don't be fobbed off into coming back another time.
3. Ask lots of who, what, where, why, how questions and let her talk. Ie - what is your policy on this? Why was I not contacted sooner? How will you deal with this? What will you do to reassure my daughter that her complaint is being taken seriously?
Don't ask "are you going to do something" or "will you review your policy on this" because it'll be easier to give "yes / no" answers without actually telling you anything.
4. Have some 'action' decided at the end of the meeting "Right so you're going to speak to XYZ, then you're going to call me, then you're going to speak to my daughter" etc.

I'm not suggesting that you don't know how to have a conversation but she sounds a bit hopeless (and some people are just not good at dealing with this sort of thing), it's the end of the school day, you'll have a baby with you and you're quite rightly p*ssed off.
If you can be logical about it you'll get more out of it and be less likely to lose your rag.

Hope that doesn't sound too patronising, it's just something I use when I have to go to 'difficult' meetings and it always gets me through!

C xxx

God No, it's not patronising at all, infact it's given me something to think about, in the way I'll come across because the last thing I want is to go in like a red rag to a bull, which is what I'm dreading.

Baby is due for a feed in about 20 mins, so I'll make a note of that as soon as he's done.

Thank you

shellsuit

Puzzledbubbles wrote: »

hey shellsuit,

just caught up quickly, i just wanted to say, well done for looking at this as level headdedly as possible and for asking your DD what she would like to do, many parents would just have waded in and not thought about the long term implications for other children and for DD moving on.

I think that the idea of lisitng out everything is great, it will allow you to be fully prepared, also, would it be possible for you to get both teachers in the room at the same time? That way you can all discuss it together rather than having the HOY say she has to wait for the opinon of Male teacher etc etc.

I hope this gets sorted soon - how is DD coping with it at school? has she had to go back to this lesson yet? i only ask becuase she will be walking through the hall at the same time with the same students behind her (probably) and that might be a bit tough.

Maybe you could ask the school about some form of councellor for her to talk to?

Hope it gets sorted this avo!

Puzzled x

Thanks! To be honest, she's fine, but the longer this goes on and the more they pull her out of lessons, the more the kids are likely to gossip and then she just may be unhappy.

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

Ah ok - so he's presumably the Head of Department?? So that would be why he's involved and why the HOY was happy for him to talk to you about it.

I don't know why they have to keep changing their ruddy titles - it's all very silly!

They don't tell me their titles when they ring, I only know HOY is HOY because she was at the parents evening we went to when DD was starting at the school.

We never had all that at school, that's why it's confusing. We had form tutor, head of year, then headmaster!