don't know what to do

belfastgirl23

Would it be worth thinking about having counselling, either as a couple or as a family, to help you all decide a way forward. If you are still really angry then you have issues you need to explore, especially since your (ex) husband is still going to be your co-parent no matter what else happens. You need to be able to smile at the man at your childrens' weddings. And it's not good for you to be carrying around all these negative emotions. It also should help him face up to his problems. If he isn't willing to do it then there's a nice clear decision for you in any case I'm definitely not saying to go as a step to getting back together, rather to help you sort out your feelings and your future. To me the best way is to in with an open mind and see what happens.

By the way I think what's going on with the kids is that they're just working their anger out on you, it isn't really about you but you are unfortunately the recipient. Try to keep this in mind when you're dealing with it.

Also keep in mind how amazingly well you are doing! It might not feel like it at times but it would be easy to be in a pit of despair by now. It is testament to your strength of character that you're coping so well.

sandhawk2701

it is something I will look in to. When I went to the CAB, before I told him I couldn't do this anymore they gave me leaflets about mediation and counselling. Will have a read through and maybe ask him about it.

Savvy_Sue

Even if he doesn't want to, you could go to counselling on your own, with Relate or others, and you might find it very helpful.

sandhawk2701

Had a Text from him late last night saying Please tell me if we have a chance because I'm struggling without you.
I sent back.... All the time you keep sending texts to say you are going to do it properly then no we will nevr get back together. It's just blackmail and I'm not falling for it Ihave nothing to be guilty for.
You need to be honest with yourself.There is a future for you, you just need to find your own path.

Didn't hear anything back after that, until about an hour ago
another text to say "got mental worker coming to see me tonight"
I replied " I'm glad you are seeking help just be open and honest, you are doing the right thing"


So hopefully he is sorting him self out. I didn't mention about the mediation, will leave that til next time.

rjc73

I've followed your thread sandhawk and just wanted to say hang on in there...you are being so brave. I just wanted to second the relate/councelling advice. My oh and I went for the first time today and it has really helped to clear my thought processes. Not necesarily for you to go together but it might help you for your recovery .
Good luck and stay strong!!

sandhawk2701

Haven't had no texts from him tonight which is a relief.
Went to darts tonight, for the 1st time since we split. Noone mentioned him at all, apart from the postman who said he was sorry to hear we'd split and he hoped me and the kids where ok. I said we are getting stronger as the weeks go on.

I'm back to work tomorrow, when I called my manager he was surprised as he thought I'd be back after half term. Typical!
Went into town with mum this afternoon to do a bit of window shopping, tried a couple of tops on in Next and even the sales assistant was helping me decide. Felt a bit like a Trinny and Suzanna scene...lol

One top I liked was £22 and I said to mum I can't warrant paying that for a top, her reply "he would think nothing of spending £30 on a tshirt, so get it!! you look great in it!!"
So I did and mum got me a pair of jeans. I didn't feel guilty for spending money that on the top after all any birthday money I'd ever get usually went towards some bill or shopping so thats how I looked at it.

All in all a good day

Morglin

Hi

Good for you for staying strong - and keep doing it!:T

Sort out your bank account (open a single one if needs be) so that he can never get his hands on your money again, and work out something with any creditors.

As for the 'suicide attempt' - my ex tried all this old moody. :mad::mad:

He phoned me to tell me he'd took an overdose and was then left gobsmacked when I congratulated him on finally doing something useful and hung up. He then rung a mate and was taken to hospital. He hadn't taken enough of anything to kill himself, and even the shrink told me that he was attention seeking and trying to get his own way with what he wanted me to do.:mad:

I refused to be manipulated by him and actually that was the final death knell on our crumbling marriage, as I was so incandescent with rage at him putting our (adult) kids through this 'tantrum' of his, I packed my bags and never went back.

The kids, although they loved him and still do, lost all respect for him after this nonsense, which has affected their relationship with him.

If you give into it, you will end up being threatened with 'if you do this, I will kill myself' for ever.

You sort you and the kids out, and let him sort his own life out.

Good luck and best wishes.

Lin

sandhawk2701

Had a really good weekend, went away to Butlins for a few days with a few girlfriends. Would never of been able to do that when I was with him.
Had a real laugh, girlie time, I have missed out on so many years of doing that, so hope we can do it again.
OH knew I was going away and kept texting ,hope u have a good time, drive carefully, do you need any money.
The whole weekend he kept texting, in the end I had to text him to stop because it was really bugging me now.
Got home this afternoon and he is texting again asking me to go to dinner with him, then another 1 what are we having for dinner, his was horrid.

How to I tell him to stop so he gets the message????

cakeordeath_2

You could tell him that if he carries on sending pointless messages then any texts from his mobile are going to be deleted without being read and therefore if he tried to send anything important you wouldn't get the text.

sandhawk2701

yes I could try that I s'pose.
He has just sent another one about missing me and asking me to stay over at his 1 night. I think I will just not reply to any he sends me for the rest of the night and if they carry on, will text it in the morning.