don't know what to do

sandhawk2701

But my kids are going to blame me because I have been rowing with him my eldest is already looking to move out, middle son refused to go to school yesterday.

This is really wearing me down

BitterAndTwisted

Your kids might blame you in the short-term mainly because they can't and don't understand the gravity of what's going on. You are the adult and it's your marriage and therefore you must do what you know is right for yourself and your kids, long-term. It's a very confusing and worrying time for you and especially your kids but please try and be firm in your decision about how you move forward and PLEASE do not be tempted to give in to your husband's blackmail.

If he cleared out your joint account what has he done with the cash and why is he therefore paying off a new TV at x pounds per month?

sandhawk2701

I don't know what he did with the money he did that before his 1st suicide attempt, it was probably p'd up the wall.

The kids where understanding until he did what he did. Since he has been out of hospital he has contantly tried to make an effort to show he has changed, but I feel its too late. Every time I see him I'm in tears because I'm so angry with him.

Money_maker

Does he not have contact with any medical professional or do they just let them leave the hospital after an overdose without support?

Where is he living?

sandhawk2701

He was given some numbers that he could contact when ever he felt he needed to talk to someone, but I don't think he bothered.

He is living in a 1 bedroom annexe place not far from his work.

Money_maker

It sounds as though he may be foolish again. I would contact his family (you mentioned a mother, anyone else?) and let them know.

Then stand back and keep your distance. You mentioned going out for a meal with him a few posts back, you may be confusing him by this. If you want the break to be permanent then contact should only be when actually necessary and be short and business-like. Or he may hold onto dreams that things will go back to the way they were.

Nothing he does will be your fault and by advising his family, the onus will be on them to sort him out.

Hang in there, girl.

IWish

SH - I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending virtual hugs. I do agree with everyone else though, you can't let him emotionally blackmail you. Easier said than done after all the years you have been together, I know, but if he is still trying this, he really isn't serious about changing. I know it has been said before but he is not your responsibility. As for the kids, try not to make decisions on what they are saying and doing in the short term - they are just reacting and trying to come to terms with what is happening. Maybe this would be a good time to contact Al Anon as Belfastgirl suggested

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Be strong xxoxx

sandhawk2701

Have texted his sister and asked her to contact his mum as MIL would only have a go at me.
SIL has tried to ring got no answer so his mum is now going to try

sandhawk2701

SIL said MIL is only going to text him, even she isn't bothered by it all

cakeordeath_2

It sounds like your MIL has realised the tough love approach is the only way to help him. Try not to worry about your kids' reactions, they're too young to realise the true gravity of the situation. For their dad to get better everyone has to be in it for the long haul, if the people around him cave in, then so will he. You're doing this for everyone, not just yourself, they might not get it now, but it's for the best.

Stay strong, you're doing a sterling job!! you have my admiration.