don't know what to do

sandhawk2701

well most of the direct debits have been cancelled have rung each 1 before I stopped them. I can't believe how understanding they have been.

One of his friends went to visit him today and text me after to say that that he was feeling very low, tearful and very sorry for what he has done. He said he now realises he has lost me because of the drink but is going to work hard to change things round. Only time will tell. He is still on a drip so can't be coming out tomorrow surely???
Would they let him out if he had nowhere to go as who he was staying with don't want him back and I don't think his mum will have him stay at hers.

Cooked a nice roast beef dinner tonight and we sat down as a family to eat, conversation was flowing freely, plenty of laughter, which is something he hated while eating.
Just so glad I filled the freezer and cupboards before he left so after doing a freezer list I can cook meals for the next 2 weeks with just doing basic food shopping.

Thank you for all the messages of support and encouragement, I feel like a weight lifted off my mind just by what I've accomplished today.....

Lets see what tomorrow brings............

Stephb1986_2

Sandhawk I don't really have any advice I just wanted to wish you luck and send you loads of love. take care of yourself and your kids

Steph xx

sandhawk2701

Had a bit of a duvet day yesterday as the weather was so miserable,
have found out he is out of hospital cos he text me saying sorry he wants to come and see me but i have said Im too angry with him after what he did to our kids. said I haven't got all the forms I need yet.

Went to the drs yesterday and they have signed me off with nervous exhustion for 2 weeks so a bit of time to sort myself out.

I'm scared he will come back to the house and stay.
He told me in a text that he is seeing CAB tomorrow won' they tell him he has the right to back to the house????

Minxy_Bella

sandhawk2701 wrote: »

Had a bit of a duvet day yesterday as the weather was so miserable,
have found out he is out of hospital cos he text me saying sorry he wants to come and see me but i have said Im too angry with him after what he did to our kids. said I haven't got all the forms I need yet.

Went to the drs yesterday and they have signed me off with nervous exhustion for 2 weeks so a bit of time to sort myself out.

I'm scared he will come back to the house and stay.
He told me in a text that he is seeing CAB tomorrow won' they tell him he has the right to back to the house????

Is the mortgage in both of your names? If so, then he does have a right to access the property BUT I know of a few women who've changed the locks to prevent estranged OHs coming back in, at least in the short term anyway.

Could his mother take him in for a while, if you asked her nicely? Maybe you need to do a bit of sweet talking with his family to get them to step in to give you some breathing space.

Personally, I wouldn't have him back under 'my' roof - I wouldn't care if it was legal or illegal.

floss2

sandhawk2701 wrote: »

....When I rang the council about c.tax, they were really helpful til the heard my address (on council estate with a bit of a bad name), her attitude totally changed and said because I had a son of 18 i wouldnt receive to single persons discount.....

Is your son still at school / college? If so, then he will be exempt from council tax, so you should get the 25% discount. You need to get an exemption form from the council & get his school/college to sign & date it for you.

Also, contact the tax credits people & tell them you are now a single person, as you may be entitled to help from them.

sandhawk2701

Yes the mortgage is in joint names and I have been told he still has the right to move back in.
But surely I have the right to tell him to leave if he is a danger to my kids because of his drinking and the fact he took an overdose??

I ended up ringing him telling him how angry i was with him all he kept saying was he was sorry he is trying to change.
He told me he legelly could come back to the house, but I replied that he'd walked out and did what he did so I'd have more rights (just trying to buy some time really).
Tax credits people are dealing with my claim, so hopefully wil hear something from them soon.
The council tax will be a no-no as eldest son is nearly 19 and just completed a plumbing apprentaship so working full time on a minimum wage.

sandhawk2701

His mum lives on a park home estate where you have to be over 55 to live there, she has told him that he wouldn't be allowed to stay because of his age, more like she doesn't want the trouble.

Barneysmom

The question has to be do you want him back?
If so, then there are some things you have to do. Make it clear that the house is an alcohol-free zone. And make sure he has gone to AA or the doctor for help with his drinking. He can't be allowed access to the house account or he will spend it. So set up a solo account in your name for the DDs and make sure his money is paid into it.
A spell in rehab will help him. What they do there is to dose him up with something like prozac for a month or so to help with the withdrawl symptoms, then he has to prove he can stay off it himself.
You will probably bever be able to trust himwith money but that really is a small price to pay.
The booze will kill him if he doesn't stop.

sandhawk2701

Hi Barneysmom,
No I don't want him back, not after he put my kids through that.
He says he is going to change, but don't they all say that don't they??

He has been in hostipal since sunday night is that not enough time to 'dry out' I haven't a clue how it all works?

floss2

Barneysmom wrote: »

..... A spell in rehab will help him. What they do there is to dose him up with something like prozac for a month or so to help with the withdrawl symptoms, then he has to prove he can stay off it himself......

It may well help, but it may not be immediately available, if at all, in their PCT area. He needs to have the full support of his GP & consultant to stand a chance of getting a place.