don't know what to do

cakeordeath_2

oh and really glad to hear you had a smashing weekend with your friends, you definately deserved a break.

IWish

Also glad to hear you had such a good weekend -nothing like a little girlie time to lift your spirits - don't let him drag you down with his texts. If he keeps sending them I agree with cakeordeath, or else you could really not read them. Maybe it's time to think about setting some ground rules with him about contact? Those thoughts can wait until tomorrow, just enjoy your evening

snipzychick

sandhawk2701 wrote: »

How to I tell him to stop so he gets the message????

Just stop replying

Whilst you are texting him back, you are giving him what he wants........and that is contact with you!! He sounds very manipulative. If you reply to him at all, even about mundane things he will just keep texting. His goal is to get you back, is this is not what you want cut off this contact.

You're in control now hun x

munkiemunkie81

Hi there,

Just wanted to type a little tit bit of solidarity!

My H and I have seperated - in August. And like your hubby he liked a drink. Said it was his wind down after work - he'd go the pub straight from there and stay till 11ish without even a phonecall to say he'd be home for dinner sometimes he'd not come home till the next day. No amount of pleads from me or my face in tears made him even think twice about it and I was always expected to welcome him home with open arms and legs and a smile on my face.

Anyhoos on to the main reason for posting - I now have a serial texter too. (strange how he does it now but not one 'wont be home for dinner' text occured to him before!)
He texts me about every little thing. Texts to say he misses me, texts to ask me to do a family day together, texts me to tell me what he has had for lunch. None stop!!!!
I try to text back randomly - non emotional responses. But that doesnt work. He sent 35 texts on sunday. I replied to 2. I dont know what to do for the best either. He's pretty much on his own now so I feel guilty about that, feel sorry for him. But at the same time I dont want to gve him hope about any future of us together - because it isnt happening as far as i'm concerned.
How do you do that and not crush them into drinking themselves into oblivion?? Its a really fine line to getting it right I fear because the last thing our child needs is in dad getting into more of a mess. I try to only answer the required ones about our child but then that just opens the path!!

If you find the answer let me know!

sandhawk2701

munkiemunkie81 I have every sympathy with your situation...sounds just like mine.
This morning I have had 6 so far.. Morning, what you upto, etc even 1 to ask me to check his bank balance online for him.

Haven't replied to any of them, so he rang the house phone. DD answered and she said I was in the shower and will text when I have the time stop pestering her!!!!

Even as I type this he sent a joke!!
He wants to come and see DD on Wednesday as its her 14th birthday, but don't think he will show as most of my family will be popping round and he hasn't seen any of them since we split. I won't stop him because he will feel more uncomfortable seeing them than I will see him.

I do feel sorry him aswell and worried he will turn back to drink, but I really don't want that life back again.

I need to find me again and I intend t to that without him by my side.

Stick to your guns munkiemunkie81..... life is just begining....x

pinkshoes

With all those texts, are you sure he's stopped drinking??

Could you not get yourself another sim card, and not tell him the new number? Then only check the other one every couple of days.

Regarding the kids, have you sat down with them and discussed everything open and honestly, letting them ask questions? Perhaps make them feel involved i.e. show them what you earn, how much bills/rent/debts etc... are, how much food costs, and tell them he emptied £10,000 from the bank account. Ask them for their suggestions and how they feel, and if they have any ideas for saving or making money. They'll enjoy being treated like adults!

snipzychick

munkiemunkie81 wrote: »

How do you do that and not crush them into drinking themselves into oblivion??

If you find the answer let me know!

Well done for being so strong munkie, I didn't really explain in my earlier post but I do speak from experience. My ExH is an alcoholic, and as most are, is manipulative.

The truth is you have to accept that you are in no way responsible for his drinking, whether he does or doesn't. If he chooses to drink himself into oblivion as my ex did for 15 years, there is nothing you can do. Just make sure your children are protected, as i'm sure you do.

pinkshoes suggestion of an extra sim is a very good idea, and is exactly what I do. Just don't give him the number to your new one!

Sandhawk my ex has tried everything, to keep some contact with me! Don't fall for it hun, if it isn't what you want.

sandhawk2701

Hi pinkshoes thanks for your input.
My kids are 19, 15 and 14 (on Wednesday). We have beeen doing alot of talking and listening to each other, if anything it has bought us closer together. We now sit and eat dinner together at the table, discussing each others day. THey know how much I now I have coming in and how much I have to pay on bills. My eldest decided to put his rent up to help me out and has done a few of the jobs that his dad "will do at the weekend". I'm so lucky he is a mature lad.

I went and asked about my phone today, I went over to a sim only contact just 2 months ago and was told there was nothing I could do to cancel the number unless I got the police involved.
My younger son and his friends went car cleaning at the weekend, he made £32 which he said put it towards a bill. Bless him.

My Daughter said she is happy not to go to the cinema as a birthday treat if it saves money, but my mum has said she will pay for her and friends to go I have pizza express vouchers from tesco clubcard to pay 4 a bite to eat after.Making her birthday cake tomorrow and some batch baking as I have to wait for the chimney sweep to come.
My younger lad and his mates said they will sort out some kindling out for me as the man at the loal corner shop has saved me a couple of wooden crates that need to be broken up.

cakeordeath_2

Aww your kids are fantastic! and there you were worrying they'd blame you for things...sounds like you're all pulling together!

munkiemunkie81

Sounds like you have wonderful kids, you must be so proud x

My boy is only 2.5 so I have a long way to go before he understands why I upset his daddy - Who is of course his hero! Typical, but quite right too I suppose!
My Ex is so much like his mother, drinker, liar, thief. Had a VERY different upbringing to me - ie Dragged up! I just hope that my little boy doesnt take the same path as him - thats what I fear most!
It seems like your kids have your strength - I hope that for my child too.