13yr old HELP!!!

Wicked_witch

Haven't read the whole thread yet, but wanted to comment asap about your remark about depression. My son suffered from this at 13 and the doctor arranged for him to have counselling/therapy via CAMHS- no pills or anything like that. It worked really well for him. I was a depressed teen also but didn't get any help and so was able to pick up very quickly that my son was not just being a normal teenager. I feel it may be worth you investigating this idea futher, as having a messy room is very different from leaving used pads about or not washing properly, which sounds far more like depression to me.

Right, will go and read the other posts now and probably find that at least five other ppl have said this a lot better! I just didn't want to get distracted by any other comments made.

tandraig

I was looking at kazmeisters pic and OH walked over 'why are you looking at a pic of bedroom'?
me 'because this belongs to a 17 yr old boy'
OH 'yes ...and?'
me 'its unnaturally tidy'!!!
OH 'well, mine was like that'
me .........................well! I never knew that you were tidy!'
OH 'I keep telling you its a mess here'
me 'my house is CLEAN and fairly tidy'
OH 'well, my room was clean and VERY tidy'
me 'why?'
OH 'I liked it that like that'
kazmeister? is your son a virgo too?

MyRubyRed

Nightmare love , I feel for you!!
Ive two daughters so have been through this a bit, nagging does not help one bit. It only drives them further awayand gives them an excuse to carry on as they are.Don't give her the opportunity to use your concern against you.
Try a bit of praise re her appearance (even if you are lying!). Find something positive to say, even something as mundane as her eyes look really sparking, she has lovely skin/hair/nails???. In other words, tryto get her to see you are not the enemy.
What are your daughter's friends like? Is she trying to fit in with them re rebelling against parents/authority etc? Better still, are any of them good kids that you know well and could enlist to help. . Also need to consider whether there is an underlying reason for the behaviour untidiness/feeling no one understands her, is normal - pads etc left is absolutely not) Not sure of this helps xx

Penny-Pincher!!

DD is 14 nearly 15 and her school routine is:

6.15am up, dressed, breakfast, empty dw, makes bed and room tidy
7.30am-leave for school as she starts at 8am
3.30pm-arrives home and does homework for 1-2hrs (she's at grammar school)
5.00pm-shower
5.30pm-dinner as a family, then she loads dw up
6-9pm-family time then she will go on internet and chat with friends etc
9-9.30pm-bedtime

At the weekends she gets up later and we try and have a cooked breakfast together. She is a home bod but twice a month she goes to a shopping centre with friends and goes to the cinema and out for lunch/dinner with them. Her friends are regular here and she stays with friends when she wants to.

I trust her and think she is quite well balanced for her age...much more than my OH & I were:D

DD receives pocket money for doing her chores and as she has always been money motivated, this works well for her. She is generally messy so I know its difficult for her sometimes.

Looking at the above it sounds like we have a wonderful DD and relationship but we do have rocky times but on the whole she is very good and we are very lucky. We try and keep her focused on her future and what she wants from life and this seems to help. She has just started her GCSE's so hopefully she will keep knuckling down but I know this could change at any minute being a teen:D

PP
xx

perplexed.com

kazmeister wrote: »

Thats the totally bizarre part this is DS room and he's 17.



It rarely gets any worse, occasionally a bit of washing behind the door or a few empty glasses. He even changes his bedding regularly without being asked.

- I am

Oh now that's such an unbelievably tidy bedroom for a 17 yr old boy could you be pulling our legs or have you really checked he's human!:D

OP- I hope your manage to work things out with your daughter and that she feels better about herself soon.

kazmeister

tandraig wrote: »

I was looking at kazmeisters pic and OH walked over 'why are you looking at a pic of bedroom'?
me 'because this belongs to a 17 yr old boy'
OH 'yes ...and?'
me 'its unnaturally tidy'!!!
OH 'well, mine was like that'
me .........................well! I never knew that you were tidy!'
OH 'I keep telling you its a mess here'
me 'my house is CLEAN and fairly tidy'
OH 'well, my room was clean and VERY tidy'
me 'why?'
OH 'I liked it that like that'
kazmeister? is your son a virgo too?

No he's not, he's cancerian - not sure what traits they have

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

DD is 14 nearly 15 and her school routine is:

6.15am up, dressed, breakfast, empty dw, makes bed and room tidy
7.30am-leave for school as she starts at 8am
3.30pm-arrives home and does homework for 1-2hrs (she's at grammar school)
5.00pm-shower
5.30pm-dinner as a family, then she loads dw up
6-9pm-family time then she will go on internet and chat with friends etc
9-9.30pm-bedtime

At the weekends she gets up later and we try and have a cooked breakfast together. She is a home bod but twice a month she goes to a shopping centre with friends and goes to the cinema and out for lunch/dinner with them. Her friends are regular here and she stays with friends when she wants to.

I trust her and think she is quite well balanced for her age...much more than my OH & I were:D

DD receives pocket money for doing her chores and as she has always been money motivated, this works well for her. She is generally messy so I know its difficult for her sometimes.

Looking at the above it sounds like we have a wonderful DD and relationship but we do have rocky times but on the whole she is very good and we are very lucky. We try and keep her focused on her future and what she wants from life and this seems to help. She has just started her GCSE's so hopefully she will keep knuckling down but I know this could change at any minute being a teen:D

PP
xx

Does she want a 17 year old boyfriend :rotfl:

perplexed.com wrote: »

Oh now that's such an unbelievably tidy bedroom for a 17 yr old boy could you be pulling our legs or have you really checked he's human!:D

OP- I hope your manage to work things out with your daughter and that she feels better about herself soon.

I know I am so lucky, he is a lovely, very very placid, always does his homework, will help round the house when asked. He's not afraid to come in and give his mum a hug either and he even told his form teacher that he didnt want to go to far away to uni as he didnt want to be far from mum . DD on the other hands wants me dead if I so much as ask her to lift a finger.

Back to the OP though, LonelyLil, have you actually tried talking to her about when you are both calm (sorry you may have said but I couldnt remember)

buxtonrabbitgreen

I would take a photo of my dd's room but I can't get in. It might make some of you feel better. Once a week I go up with a washing up bowl and laundry basket, and though she will fill it it still looks just as bad.

pinkneonmartini

I was a messy teenager and still a messy adult, although not quite as bad as i used to be, the biggest problem is after a relationship breakup i moved from a 2 bed flat back into my childhood bedroom, and all my posessions came with me! I seem to have inherited my dads hoarding ability lol. This drives my mum mental!!!!

When i was younger she would routinely appear with half a dozen bin bags, and say "right 3 for the charity shop, 3 for the bin, stick a cd on and help me, or you'll only have the things i like left" As a fully fledged tomboy there was no way i was gonna have my mum chuck all my hoodies/jeans/trackies and leave me with the kind of outfits that only came out for xmas/weddings.

As for the pads my mum taught me to roll up the used one and put it in the empty wrapper of the fresh one, that way nobody would catch a glimpse of anything, and we had our own "lady bin" in the downstairs loo which neither my dad or bro ever really used.

springclean

i was a messy teen, but was instantly tidy once i got my own place, so i think i was just lazy because i knew my mum would do it in the end :rotfl:

now i have 2 teen daughters, and their rooms are messy more often than not, but i shut the door and if they want to live in crap, then they can. if they try it in the rest of the house though i let them know about it!

what i'd like to mention though is the age thing and 'babying'. my youngest did NOT want to turn 13, and let everyone know it. she wanted to remain a kid (who wouldn't?!). i didn't force her into it, but when she started coming home from school smelling of BO, badly, i managed to pin her down for a quiet few words. i didn't push it, but i just said that she needed to keep herself clean, because she would be bullied, as other kids can be cruel. i didn't pass judgement myself, but she knew i was right.

sooo, now it costs me a fortune in toiletries, and she can't wait to be 18 next year!

i wonder if your daughter is not ready yet to be a teenager. it's a lot to handle after being cossetted as a pre-teen. perhaps this is a bit of rebellion because she's struggling with it all.

why not try catching her for a quiet, non-judgemental talk?

tandraig

where has lonelylil gone? come back hun - the thread isnt the same without you!
kazmeister - my dad was cancerian and he was very tidy!! they are homelovers who take pride in their surroundings and appearance. my OH is virgo and he is a right nit-picker who wants everything just so!! er - I'm Gemini so I am either in housekeeping mode or couldnt care less if engrossed in something else! but the house is CLEAN. its just not very tidy - I like to watch How clean is your house - it makes me feel so superior!!!!!!!!!!!!