13yr old HELP!!!

kezzae

I shared a room with my sister who was very untidy!!
Her stuff would be thrown everywhere and all over the floor. It used to drive me mad............... but my mum would nag and nag and it made no difference, so In the end my mum used to collect all her things, rubbish, clothes you name it and throw it all in a heap on her bed and at bedtime when my sister was tired my mum used to make her put everything away before she could get into bed. She only had to do it a few times before my sister realised that it was easier to just keep a clean room than have to go through that every night!
And.............. I must say that I have used that trick a few times with my own children when ive needed too.

LonelyLil

kezzae wrote: »

I shared a room with my sister who was very untidy!!
Her stuff would be thrown everywhere and all over the floor. It used to drive me mad............... but my mum would nag and nag and it made no difference, so In the end my mum used to collect all her things, rubbish, clothes you name it and throw it all in a heap on her bed and at bedtime when my sister was tired my mum used to make her put everything away before she could get into bed. She only had to do it a few times before my sister realised that it was easier to just keep a clean room than have to go through that every night!
And.............. I must say that I have used that trick a few times with my own children when ive needed too.

You are a genius! I will try that tonight!!

csh_2

kezzae wrote: »

I shared a room with my sister who was very untidy!!
Her stuff would be thrown everywhere and all over the floor. It used to drive me mad............... but my mum would nag and nag and it made no difference, so In the end my mum used to collect all her things, rubbish, clothes you name it and throw it all in a heap on her bed and at bedtime when my sister was tired my mum used to make her put everything away before she could get into bed. She only had to do it a few times before my sister realised that it was easier to just keep a clean room than have to go through that every night!
And.............. I must say that I have used that trick a few times with my own children when ive needed too.

If I done that, DD would just sleep on the floor!! With no duvet.

RachelW1987

LonelyLil wrote: »

I am worried she may have depression, but as I have suffered myself I do not want her going down the pills route. Am unsure what the doctocr would do with a 13 yr old.

I dont know your daughter but I think she's probably just being a lazy teenager

I did the same with my mam and she would always tidy my mess cause she couldn't stand it so I just left it. She would be too embarrassed if my room was a mess or I was

I on the other hand will leave my OH stuff unwashed if he doesn't put it in the basket in the washing machine atleast twice a week. He can go to work with dirty clothes for all I care cause he's not being lazy in my house.

I would just let her get on with it, most teenagers are lazy

pinkshoes

How about some quality mother and daughter time together, go out and have some fun, then ask her what's wrong, and why she's so demotivated, and what would make her feel happier?

It's hard to care for something like room tidying when her hormones are all over the place and she no doubt feels like the world is a rubbish place to live.

January20

LonelyLil wrote: »

We are not talking a bit of dust or an unmade bed here, but a Kim and Aggie job if it gets left.

It starts to smell after a while too and comes into the hallway. Dirty sheets and clothes, you smell too. Yuk!

I have also found used pads on the floor. Just disgusting and unacceptable.

I have to agree with you here :eek: unacceptable! and unhygienic!

pir

I think there are a number of issues here

Teenagers are messy. I was a messy teenager and I've turned into an untidy adult (think mad scientist at work). I'm untidy in my study, but it's hygienic and the rest of my house is fine. Teenagers will be messy, untidy and have a higher level of tolerance than adults for this but there will be a point at which it will become too much. If she doesn't give her washing down, don't do it and she will quickly realise she needs clean clothes. The competitive edge of teenage girls to look better and have more stuff than their peers means she's not going to go out in dirty clothes and smell. If she does seem happy to go out in dirty and smelly clothes then this could be a classic sign of depression.

The idea of losing valuable things is about respect. I would be of the opinion, if she loses something she doesn't get a replacement or start making her save up for the items herself rather than buy them for her. There may be an element of not having respect because she doesn't know the value of money which you need to teach her.

Not doing school work. I wasn't the biggest fan of school work but that was because it bored me as it wasn't challenging enough. Could this be the problem or the other side of the coin could she be struggling?

I think we have typical teen mixed in with a few other things.

I would maybe try and get her interested in something. You don't mention what she does for fun, she needs something outside TV, phone and ipod, a real hobby.

Just my opinion. Good luck!

tiff

My DS is 11 and just started secondary. From day one I suggested to him that he did his homework every night, then put it in his bag so it doesnt get lost. So far, he has been very organised like that. My kids arent allowed food upstairs, so I dont have that problem. They also have to do jobs to earn money, 25p for loading the dishwasher etc and a wild card for doing something "extra". We add up their tickets on a Friday and pay them what they have earned. (DD is 9.)

I got fed up with working hard and running around after the kids when they are old enough to do some things for themselves. DS is lazy, but motivated by money so will do things to help so he can buy something for his bmx, scooter etc.

LonelyLil

pinkshoes wrote: »

How about some quality mother and daughter time together, go out and have some fun, then ask her what's wrong, and why she's so demotivated, and what would make her feel happier?
.

We have had lots of chats about this. She gets teased at school for being a "tramp". I have tried to explain kindly that she needs to look after herself a bit more, or this will happen. When she leave the house she is tidy, but by the time she gets home she looks like she has been dragged through a hedge backwards. Also if I forget to remind her to brush her teeth, her breath smells etc.

I have told her to check her apperance in the mirror once or twice a day, take a brush to school etc, but she seems to think that it should be up to her how she looks. On one hand I agree, but I also know that if I looked like a slob at work I would be pulled up.

I am so sad for her, but I do feel that lack of effort on her part is contributing to the teasing.

csh_2

About a year ago DD couldn't have cared less how she looked, and had to be nagged to brush her teeth. Now she's into make up and hair straighteners and won't go over the door without cleaning teeth. That side of things will prob come in time, think with her it was inmaturity.

So a year on she has sparkly teeth but her room is the same, you just can't win!