sex drive??

londoner1998

whitewing wrote: »

Well, I'm being stuborn here because I actually don't think he is having an affair. I'm going to stand up for him.

I'm not saying there's nothing wrong, but I still think maybe its part of the ebb and flow of relationships and life.

So am I. Human sexuality is sooo complex and rich and there are so many things that affect the sex drive. It is a bit cliched and unfair to put it down to an affair. Some people have them, many don't. I am also a firm believer in gut feelings- if he were having an affair, I bet anything that the OP would be feeling something is amiss. She doesn't . He sounds a lot like my OH- a good guy who just doesn't do the hiding bit- he would be so carp at it that he would be found in two seconds!

To be honest, having three children at 28 and a family to support, gym, etc... is quite a responsibility- give the guy a chance- I am sure it is just part of the natural adjustment process that happens in a relationship- you might be moving stages and just need to re-synch yourselves.

Give yourself a break, get out a bit more and have fun- taking things less seriously and enjoying life togeher will help enormously. Intimacy (and the lack of) is a biggie- you need to spend more time in bed chatting, drinking coffee and lazying about a bit, together. Try it- I am doing it now and it makes me want to be with him more and more...:D:D

mummy_Jay

Your OH mentioned needing more red meat in his diet, which implies he may think he's got an iron deficiency but I found this, it might help

From http://blog.healthcheckusa.com/stop-the-thyroid-madness/ferritin-blood-analysis/

"2) What are signs of iron overload in my system?
The most common symptom is pain, as iron accumulates in your body, usually in your joints. Other symptoms include fatigue and lack of energy, abdominal pain, loss of sex drive, and heart problems. Some people, however, have no symptoms of this condition."

Has he been over compensating on the iron?

Just a thought

RoxieW

oooh interesting mummy jay - he does have joint pain as well - thanks

RoxieW

londoner1998 wrote: »

So am I. Human sexuality is sooo complex and rich and there are so many things that affect the sex drive. It is a bit cliched and unfair to put it down to an affair. Some people have them, many don't. I am also a firm believer in gut feelings- if he were having an affair, I bet anything that the OP would be feeling something is amiss. She doesn't . He sounds a lot like my OH- a good guy who just doesn't do the hiding bit- he would be so carp at it that he would be found in two seconds!

To be honest, having three children at 28 and a family to support, gym, etc... is quite a responsibility- give the guy a chance- I am sure it is just part of the natural adjustment process that happens in a relationship- you might be moving stages and just need to re-synch yourselves.

Give yourself a break, get out a bit more and have fun- taking things less seriously and enjoying life togeher will help enormously. Intimacy (and the lack of) is a biggie- you need to spend more time in bed chatting, drinking coffee and lazying about a bit, together. Try it- I am doing it now and it makes me want to be with him more and more...:D:D

thank you I think you are right

**confuzzled**

Can i just say that I've read(well skimmed:o) all responses and I don't think OPs OH is having an affair either....to me he sounds blimmin exhausted!! And the fact he's not making any advances like he used to when he was tired is because its a different kind of tired IYSWIM After a day at work and then the gym/football he'll be physically tired when before he 'hit the gym' it was probably more a 'long day at work cba kind of tired'
I hops that makes sense! I'm not very good at puting what I think into words:o:o

OP try not to read too much into it, so long as you're still communicating(which you are:)) and are there for each other emotionally(sounds like you are:)) then I'm quite sure the rest will naturally come back.

HTH and makes sense:o:)

xx

londoner1998

He seems to be in a situation similar to mine... after soooo much tiredness, it seems the body only performs whatever is absolutely essential- ie, eating, working (reluctantly), and sleeping (yes please, more of it!!!). For me it is only now that I am waking up feeling human...after two and a half years during the last 9 months of which my sex drive has gone down to very little... starting to go up ever so slightly in the past month or so.

I insist- the more you do, the more you want to do and vice versa (after all, it is a muscle, use or lose it!!:eek:)- how about you giving him a lovely massage one night when he comes knackered from the gym, without expecting anything else (IYKWIM) - that will start bringing you closer... it is about being together, not scoring points...I think he just need sa bit of TLC and time to settle in his new self...

rozzy_2

I think you would notice something was different if he was on steroids i.e mood swings, spots, excessive weight gain etc.

If there is no suspicion of having an affair and he is exactly the same as before albeit being tired, I would guess that it is something to do with diet. When he gets the urge to start gaining a bit of weight and he starts eating more, the tiredness should start to disappear.

Fork86

I would advise him to not put off seeing his GP any longer.

There is a chance he may be getting excess iron from a source on top of the red meat (possibly some supplements too).

If he does have elevated iron levels, he'll need a blood test to confirm and some chelation to bind the excess iron before it causes any serious damage.

If it isn't excess iron, it could be something else health related if not the sudden change in diet and lifestyle.

I don't mean to startle you, but better to be safe

Mme.Hibou

Fork86 wrote: »

I would advise him to not put off seeing his GP any longer.

There is a chance he may be getting excess iron from a source on top of the red meat (possibly some supplements too).

If he does have elevated iron levels, he'll need a blood test to confirm and some chelation to bind the excess iron before it causes any serious damage.

If it isn't excess iron, it could be something else health related if not the sudden change in diet and lifestyle.

I don't mean to startle you, but better to be safe

Actually, seeing the doctor probably isn't such a bad thing. If he's feeling down/stressed about something he may want to talk about it to someone who isn't involved, and if it's a medical issue they should be able to work together to get it solved.

If it's not a mental or physiological thing and it's just your DH not wanting sex then surely that's a good thing, might not be great for you but you married him and sometimes people go though periods in their lives when sex isn't at the forefront of their minds.

Just relax, let him come to you when he's ready and perhaps keep yourself ticking over if that's what you need

For the record I don't think he's having an affair, this board seems obsessed with telling everyone that they themselves are in the perfect marriage and everyone else should get divorced! I think a lot of problems can be worked out before it gets to that stage, it just seems the easy way out.

niklepic

I also don't think he's having an affair, however I agree with sending him off to the doctors just to make sure there's not a physical cause for why he's feeling like he's feeling x