sex drive??

seven-day-weekend

I don't think this young man should have the 'snip' at only 28, and can understand his reluctance to do so.

I think not wanting another pregnancy could be the key to this, and I think his obsession with the gym has taken the place of sex. You can get really 'high' on the endorphins that exercise produces and this may be acting as a substitute for sex without the worry of an unplanned pregnancy.

Then of course, he WILL be very tired after all the exercise and heightened state of mind.

Oldernotwiser

McKneff wrote: »

I know you said he doesnt work with any women but has there been any new or younger men at work, they can be a big influence when he sees them come in everyday and theyve been to the gym and there using the lastest cologne.
Maybe he is just striving to be 'one of the lads' but as other people have said you both need to sit down and have an adult chat. You'll never be sure what is happening in his head till you do and your just prolonging your own agony.
Good luck

I thought that you were going a certain way with this (which you weren't) but it might also be something to consider.

squirrelchops

Hi,

I haven't had time to read all the posts sorry but thought I would say this.

My OH has little sex drive...in fact we are up to the 3 months mark without having sex and are only 2 1/2 years into our relationship.

OH began to get like this after about 6 months of us going out. We hae discussed it though and for him it is sresses of life that really afffect him badly. Eg, work pressure, doing up the house etc.

I knew when I read the OP thread people would assume he is having an affair and it did run through my mind to be honest. However, maybe the OP needs to separate his fanatical desire to get in shape with the loss of sex drive. It may not be connected.

Could he be having a bit of a mid life crisis? Maybe his body is ina bit of shock from a low fat diet? Maybe he is too tired?

I don't know.....just some ideas other than he is having an affair.

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

csh wrote: »

Hmmmm, my first thought was could he be taking Anabolic Steroids but maybe I'm too trusting??

Me too,is he getting short tempered too.

MrsE_2

csh wrote: »

Hmmmm, my first thought was could he be taking Anabolic Steroids but maybe I'm too trusting??

Thats what I thought

Katie-Kat-Kins

I think the pregnancy issue is a real possibility too. You say you are taking precautions, what sort? Is he confident in them? Have you had an accidental pregnancy in the past or have they all been planned?

My DH used to be a real worrier about accidental pregnancy to the extent that it affected things. He's fine now after years of trouble free use of a very reliable contraceptive, but worried no end at first that there would be an accident or about horror stories of guys being trapped by accidentally on purpose pregnancies.

If your DH feels that the family is complete and is perhaps even struggling a bit to cope with three children the prospect of an accidental pregnancy could be very off putting. From a man's perspective often contraception is very much out of their hands, how does a guy know if his OH has taken the pill for example.

He may not have actually made a decision not to do it for fear of pregnancy but it could be bothering him subconcsiously.

Worth talking through and reassuring him, maybe even doubling up on contraception, maybe using condoms as well as your usual.

RoxieW

He isnt taking steroids. If he was I imagine he'd have bulked up alot quicker and easier then he has done.
Lack of patience, his aggression when drunk, being the last one out - he's always been like that - it only the bedroom that has seen a sudden change.
nothing has happened recently work wise or financially to worry him - no more so then anyone else I think - he does worry abit about his job but there has been no indication of any problems on that front, it's just worse case scenario worrying though I do have PND (I did with the older two boys also) and have had a couple of bad episodes recently which I think have taken him by surprise and i have needed to lean on him abit more then usual, but he has been great - helping more with the kids and the house and checking that I'm ok.
I think the poster who said about the body being in shock may have a point - he has gone from being quite unhealthy really - eating a pack of biscuits easily at work in one day and eating alot of sweet things to completely cutting out refined sugar and fatty 'junk'. He doesnt touch chocolate or biscuits or sweets now whereas before he would have them every day. Maybe biscuits are the key to a high sex drive lol.
The pregnancy issue may be a point as we definately want this to be our last baby and although OH dotes on baby now he would have been happy to stop at two - in fact sometimes I think he'd be happy not to have kids at all (tongue in cheek!). But it is funny how he was his normal self after i had baby and wouldnt leave me alone even when we were at our tiredest, most shell shcoked and finding the baby the hardest work ( and me not looking too great either!) but all that has settled down now and his lack of libido does seem to tie in directly with his 'pumping iron' - not necessarily cardio. I did notice also that we have argued less as it seems to take some of the aggression out of him which is why I wondered if testosterone gets 'used' up somehow??
Anyway, we spoke about it again yesterday - he guessed I'd be on here and wanted to know the opinions. He's assured me that he's not having an affair, that he's not secretly gay (lol), that he still finds me attractive, that he's not doing drugs but other then that he is as clueless as me.

RoxieW

KatP wrote: »

I think the pregnancy issue is a real possibility too. You say you are taking precautions, what sort? Is he confident in them? Have you had an accidental pregnancy in the past or have they all been planned?

My DH used to be a real worrier about accidental pregnancy to the extent that it affected things. He's fine now after years of trouble free use of a very reliable contraceptive, but worried no end at first that there would be an accident or about horror stories of guys being trapped by accidentally on purpose pregnancies.

If your DH feels that the family is complete and is perhaps even struggling a bit to cope with three children the prospect of an accidental pregnancy could be very off putting. From a man's perspective often contraception is very much out of their hands, how does a guy know if his OH has taken the pill for example.

He may not have actually made a decision not to do it for fear of pregnancy but it could be bothering him subconcsiously.

Worth talking through and reassuring him, maybe even doubling up on contraception, maybe using condoms as well as your usual.

Another pregnancy would be a disaster for us right now. We definately dont want more children - we cant afford them in money, time, space or attention. But I have a mirena coil and he wont use condoms.

Katie-Kat-Kins

Have you tried showing him how to check your coil is in place for you, it might make him more confident about it. If he won't use condoms then you can't really do much more contraceptive wise, and the mirena is VERY reliable.

Fleago

I also fall into the "not having an affair" camp. I actually think he's to be admired for taking up a fitness regime and getting himself in shape, plus, to be honest, he really could just be genuinely too tired, nothing more than that. The OP and her hubbie clearly have a busy lifestyle, with work, young children and other activities, so some degree of tiredness for both of them is surely a given?

Sex isn't the be all and end all in a relationship, so it concerns me to see that so many people immediately assume an affair when someone posts in the OP's circumstances. Of course some people will be having affairs in similar circumstances, but it just seems so sad that a lot of people assume infidelity right away when in reality there can be a myriad of reasons as to why love making goes off the boil.

Roxie, I also admire your trust in your OH, because trust is one of the foundation stones of a lasting relationship. I think as long as the two of you keep communicating, you'll continue to enjoy a wonderful relationship.