sex drive??

iamana1ias

RoxieW wrote: »

Well sure they can but is it a reason to stop having sex? It's hardly sustainable in the long run is it and there's not much I can do about the fact that contraception isnt 100% foolproof?

For a lot of people it could stop them wanting sex, yes. But hey, feel free to believe the posts that think he's having an affair and ignore my valid suggestion :rolleyes:

RoxieW

I've posted several times that I dont think he's having an affair I'm not ignoring your suggestion either - you have a good point - I just dont see the sense in it or how it would be sustainable long term that's all.

RoxieW

thanks lunar
To add weight to the 'not having an affair' - he's just come home from football all smelly and stripped straight off in the living room and got me to help measure him - no not down there you mucky lot - he does his measurement ie around the arms etc. If I'd been doing the dirty the last thing I'd do is strip off in front of my other half - I'd be straight in the shower.

poet123

I think the poster who suggested pregnancy may be an issue might have a point. Imagine you are a man who is happy his family is complete, but releuctant to have the snip (for whatever reason) and who knows that no other form of contraceptive is 100% reliable. You may decide to take another route to ensure no more babies occur....a bit of abstinence, or maybe it is not as thought through as that, it could be subconscious. Maybe he feels ashamed that he could not/would not have the snip.

There are lots of reasons for the issue, don't jump to conclusions, take care and try not to stew too much on the less palatable options.

Lunar_Eclipse

poet123 wrote: »

I think the poster who suggested pregnancy may be an issue might have a point.

I never thought about this one, but knowing how my OH would feel about an unplanned addition to our family, this could very well be the case. He isn't keen on the snip and being honest, I don't think I could deal with the potential psychological issues or physical effects in the event that something went wrong. Hence he can exert self control that I never thought possible when required.

I could imagine it being very hard to admit this being a reason to one's spouse as well, for fear of it being rejecting. Could even be sub-conscious?

Good point.

iamana1ias

poet123 wrote: »

I think the poster who suggested pregnancy may be an issue might have a point.

Lunar_Eclipse wrote:

I never thought about this one, but knowing how my OH would feel about an unplanned addition to our family, this could very well be the case. He isn't keen on the snip and being honest, I don't think I could deal with the potential psychological issues or physical effects in the event that something went wrong. Hence he can exert self control that I never thought possible when required.

Good point.

It was me

And yet no thanks?

poet123

iamana1ias wrote: »

It was me

And yet no thanks?

OK, now;):D

mad_bad_spender

it doesn't sound to me like he is having an affair and i am one to know the signs and although they are similar to my ex it just doesnt add up time wise at all does it..

however it does sound a little like myself when my depression kicks in, i started going to the gym and swimming and it became an obsession, it was the only time i could switch off from how i was feeling..

just to point out what you have said:

1. is low in patience with the older two, (me:really irratable with kids sometimes for small silly things)
2. lack of libido, (me:low confidence in myself)
3. he always has to take it to extremes ie be the last one out and drink until he is ill.(me:trying to impress others probably my worst flaw at the moment)
4. a 'dont care' attitude towards me when he is drunk which is the side to him that I hate.(me:acting like you dont care means you cant get hurt)
5. he freely admits that he is a A hole when drunk and that he has no clue why (me:cant understand why i act as i do when i have no idea why i am depressed)

all of the above sound like me when i am at my lowest..

it took a very long time for me to admit how i was feeling and to get help. although it could still be many different things so all i can say is stick in there, chances are he will need your support whatever the issue is. i honestly dont beleive it is an affair

all the best

s

jcr16

to me it sounds like he is thinking i've got 3 children and a wife . i wanna look after my body and be around for them forever to take care of them.

i wouldn't of said once thats he's having an affair. why does a man who takes an intrest in looking after himself mean their is another woman on the scene. perhaps the only woman he is wanting to impress is his wife.

Fork86

McKneff wrote: »

In your original post you said that he instigates sex 80% of the time.
Has it occurred to you that he is fed up of instigating it and is trying to
get you to instigate it more. Just a thought.

Is his performanc okay when it does happen. Maybe he's having trouble in the mens dept and is trying to over compensate.

Dont just automatically think hes getting it elsewhere, there are 101 reasons why this could be happening and after 10 years together you should be able to sit down and talk about it.

My sentiments exactly.

I think it is hugely derogatory and offensive when people suggest that men have affairs as soon as they stop instigating sex and the like. There can be many other reasons.

As McKneff suggested, the OP's husband may be going to the gym to make himself seem more appealing to his wife as he may be wondering why he must instigate a sexual encounter most of the time?

Just a question, but how many times in the past did he instigate and subsequently get turned down? Maybe he has stopped because he feels embarrassed when this happens. I do realise you have been together for a while and if there weren't many occasions where this has happened then please disregard the above question, I didn't mean to presume or offend,

Has your OH been experiencing any hardships recently, family or financially related? This can severely dampen anyone's libido. A mental burden can quite easily manifest as physical tiredness too.

There are also issues with his gym regime, and whether he is taking any supplements that can alter his hormones or behaviour. If he is feeling overly tired and his health is concerning you, it might be an idea to convince him to see his GP for a check up as there can be numerous reasons for these changes.

The best thing to do is sit down and talk to him, but please don't jump the gun and immediately ask him if there is another woman as some people here are suggesting. I think you said that you completely trust him, which is good.
Just ask him how things are going at work, with his family/friends and go on from there.

Hope you get to the bottom of it