sex drive??

RoxieW

1sttimer wrote: »

I thought he was a borderline anorexic with his undereating and over exercising but he pooh poohed the idea thinking I was just jealous that he was so good and I was over reacting and being silly about it! :eek:

I think this is what he thinks about me when I tell him off for losing more weight! I was hoping it was just a fad but it doesnt seem to be tailing off at all.

whitewing

I find it quite depressing that people can't just go off sex without having an affair.

He's got a young baby, which is impacting on the time available for his wife, as well as all the interrupted sleep, he goes to the gym, has a radical diet change. Seems to me things just need to settle down a bit.

Buddingblonde

People can go off sex often when depressed by feeling rejected because of a new baby however:

1. Depressed people do not tend to start focussing on themselves and self improvement (gym and fashion)

2. If he was feeling rejected why would he turn down moves made by his partner

3. Why would a loving partner react to the concerns of their partner re: facebook and other women by changing all the passwords. My passwords are known by my other half and I often show him my facebook page - friends and families pictures etc or games that I am playing. If he was insecure about facebook and contacts with other people I would compromise - after all facebook is not the be all and end all. Trust can be a fluid thing and if giving up facebook would make my OH feel more secure then I would do it in a heart beat!

foxy-roxy

How old is he? He could be having some sort of midlife crisis.
Alot of men do odd things at some point in there lives where they become unrecognisable, women too.
My mum upped sticks and moved abroad during her menopause.
Some men have affairs, some buy a sports car or motorbike and others go on a health kick etc.

RoxieW

he's 28 lol. I can see your point about facebook, but i can also see his. it was feeding my insecurities and became abit of an obsession scouring for the smallest negative thing so there was a reason behind it.

whitewing - i dont think its the baby. when he was1st born OH was still totally up for it - even in the difficult first months. It's since he started the gym - but i dont think he's having an affair.

londoner1998

whitewing wrote: »

I find it quite depressing that people can't just go off sex without having an affair.

He's got a young baby, which is impacting on the time available for his wife, as well as all the interrupted sleep, he goes to the gym, has a radical diet change. Seems to me things just need to settle down a bit.

My thoughts exactly- I am just coming back to be myself and regaining my sex drive and I can categorically say that no third parties are involved. Why should it be different with a man?
OP mentioned a loss of intimacy- this is fundamental if you want to have good sex. You end up goign thorugh the motions. If you are not enjoying time together out of the bedroom, relaxing and enjoying life,doing things together, sex at the end of a long day when you are knackered can become a chore, something you 'will do tomorrow' and keep putting off...until your body sort of forgets how to do it... iykwim.

So many things affect the sex drive of people!!
I would encourage the OP to go out and do things together, even if it is just going for a coffee- get out of the house and try ot have a 'date ' once a week- find someone to leave the children with, you need to start by relaxing together and enjoying eac other's company. Could it be possibel to leave the gym session out once every so often to make time for each other? I used to be like that and then I realised I wasn't spending time with my man..
Has he had any significant life event recently? My father died two and half years ago and my brother was extremely ill in November: it is only now that I am starting to wake up in the morning with something similar to a clear head (and that is after a lot of counselling too!)- the fatigue and depression iare what wiped out my otherwise healthy and eager sex drive...:o

viktory

DKLS wrote: »

Sorry to say, but it sounds like he is having an affair.

Or, as someone else has said he could be addicted to steriods. They really decrease sex drive.

OP, you need a frank and open chat with your OH.

It could be nothing!

foxy-roxy

viktory wrote: »

Or, as someone else has said he could be addicted to steriods. They really decrease sex drive.

OP, you need a frank and open chat with your OH.

It could be nothing!

Oh i don't know about that, they can also have the opposite effect and make people very sexually aggresive.

morg_monster

hey. just wanted to give a couple of facts
you don't "burn" testosterone at the gym. Usually doing lots of exercise might be expected to actually increase testosterone levels.
If he is overdoing it he probably doesn't have the energy for sex. But i find even when my OH is utterly knackered he can still get the horn no probs and be up for a roll in the hay, whether he has the energy to carry it through is another question though!

steroids can literally shrink willies (although that is a symptom of prolonged use) and also can cause impotence. But if he can perform fine when you do do it, this probably isn't the cause. When did you last have sex? other possibly relevant things to think about are, does he wake up with a morning glory (sorry!)? any suspicions he's "sorting himself out"?

has he started taking any new medication?

to me also it sounds like he might be having an affair or trying to impress someone. i think you need to keep trying to find out the reason he suddenly doesn't want it any more. It could be that he is fed up of always being the instigator, and decided to make you be the instigator, but in the mean time his libido dropped (wholeheartedly agree with "the more you get it, the more you want it" theory)

argh its a hard one (pun intended, sorry), hope you sort it out x

MrsTinks

I think there could be a number of reasons for it - but top of my list would be affair too... I have a small baby too and our sexlife has certainly decreased! Hubby is stressed at work, away from home 12 hours a day, then he's home and wants to cuddle his baby girl and snuggle up rather than get jiggy
However he's not down the gym loads, he's not obsessed with his looks and he's certainly not keeping his passwords secret from me! He knows I can hack his accounts if he did anyway (worked in security for several years...) but we have nothing to hide from each other so it doesn't matter. Sure sometimes he'll add some girl to his facebook, I'll ask him about it, find out where he knows her from - be it work, old jobs, school etc etc and he has access to my facebook - email etc etc

His decreased drive could be exhaustion I guess, or stress if his job is stressed and he might be feeling under pressure if jobs are going?

Blokes sex drives in my experience doesn't drop all of a sudden without a reason... Either something is causing it like steroids or meds, or he's finding another outlet for it...

Personally I'd sit him down and bring up that you are concerned that he doesn't seem interested in you any more and you feel that you need to address that together to try and get to the bottom of it because it's affecting you and your relationship.