sex drive??

RoxieW

sallymander wrote: »

Hi Roxie, Just wanted to send you a big hug because I think you might need it!

I went through a similar thing a few years ago, My other half went off the boil after he had a health scare (he would have been the same age as your OH at the time). I always felt rejected and there was no intimacey between us. This lead ME to have an affair and because of it we split up.

Me and my ex are now good friends and have spoken about it, it turns out that it simply was a result of his health scare, but because we didn't deal with it properly at the time it severly damaged our relationship.

My advice would be to talk to him. There are many reasons for it and second guessing or just assuming its an affair wont help. I agree that it may be wise for him to see a GP, he may have depression and not realise it, there may be underlying stress issues, money worries, he may just be over doing at the gym and not have the energy etc etc.

I go to the gym a lot because I enjoy the space that it gives me from other things in my life, peace and quiet, me time etc, and Im wondering if your OH goes for the same reasons? It sounds like you are both still young (im guessing mid to late 20's) and with three children he may feel like he has lost his sense of self / his own identity. Im not a parent but speaking with friends that are I know that can sometimes happen (perhaps more so if you are young and peers are out clubbing, living it up??) If thats the case its nothing to worry about he is just reaffirming his own identity.

I also agree with you that you can have trust issues, even without a wiff of anything wrong. Im exactly the same!

If you had time together at the weekend, and both enjoyed it, it may be that you both just need to spend more quality time together to bring down barriers.

Sorry for the rambling xx

Hi Sally - yes we are both late 20's. He seems generally happy with his lot though although I know he does enjoy time away from the kids with me or his friends (who doesn't lol!). He finds our middle child in particular a challenge and is low in patience with the older two (esp the middle one - he can be dificult as he is too much like his dad ). He absolutely dotes on the baby though and is far more of a hands on dad now then he ever was when the other two were babies. He even takes turns getting up early in the morning which he never did before - another reason for the tiredness I guess. This also ties in with his lack of libido as it is a fairly recent thing (since I stopped breastfeeding) that he has been getting up early every other day.
He's never been into clubbing and his friends aren't really into it. He does have a selfish streak though and if he does go out he always has to take it to extremes ie be the last one out and drink until he is ill. he can also get quite agressive and a 'dont care' attitude towards me when he is drunk which is the side to him that I hate. We have discussed it and he freely admits that he is a A hole when drunk and that he has no clue why - drink just effects him badly. Luckily, he rarely does get drunk or I wouldnt be able to stand it.

iamana1ias

Maybe he's scared about getting you pregnant again.

3 kids at 28? :eek:

RoxieW

We're happy with our family thanks. I did actually tell him to go get the snip if he wanted to be 100% but he didnt want to We are taking precautions though, of course.

RoxieW

I have to say I'm feeling quite worried by pretty much every person on here saying that he's having an affair. That would absolutely devastate me and our children. If it was the case I must say I would never ever trust anyone again as he has hard won my trust over ten years and we've been through thick and thin together.

iamana1ias

RoxieW wrote: »

We're happy with our family thanks. I did actually tell him to go get the snip if he wanted to be 100% but he didnt want to We are taking precautions though, of course.

Men never do, and precautions can fail

RoxieW

Well sure they can but is it a reason to stop having sex? It's hardly sustainable in the long run is it and there's not much I can do about the fact that contraception isnt 100% foolproof?

whitewing

Well, I'm being stuborn here because I actually don't think he is having an affair. I'm going to stand up for him.

I'm not saying there's nothing wrong, but I still think maybe its part of the ebb and flow of relationships and life.

RoxieW

I dont think he is either whitewing. But there is that part of me that thinks I'm the fool that everyone can see what's what a mile off but I cant- esp after all these replies! What can I do though - there's no way I can know for sure is there - I just have to trust.

Lunar_Eclipse

RoxieW wrote: »

lunar non of your options sound great to me! But I'll look at them anyway

Roxie,

I almost didn't post that reply since I really didn't want to upset you. It was my head trying to 'figure it out' and I knew if I was in your shoes I would find it very upsetting to read. Yet it seemed the logical answer and since we have crossed paths on here a fair bit, I felt I sort of owed you my honesty (as a cyber stranger-friend!) Hence I tried to write it in the third person.

FWIW, I'm more of a gut instinct person and my heart says he isn't having an affair and he does still find you attractive. (Yay!) Drugs I'm not so sure about, only because it's left as an option, not because of what sort of picture I have picked up about him.

However, going by his explanation and spousal trust, it could well be nothing and will pass in time. If you have no reason to doubt his word, you shouldn't.

What do you think?

Lunar_Eclipse

whitewing wrote: »

I actually don't think he is having an affair. I'm going to stand up for him.

Me neither.

Roxie, try not to get disheartened by the 'affair' replies, although I know how horrible it is to read, putting myself in your shoes. People have only mentioned it as a possibility, myself included, based on what you have written. Personally, I don't think he is being unfaithful, but there are only a few explanations. In hindsight I should have added a fourth (nothing to worry about, hormones playing up) type option.

Hopefully things will pick up really soon (no pun intended!)