Am i being paranoid?

pulliptears

Have any of you tried to see this from another perspective?

My OH went through a phase of being exceptionally paranoid. He was convinced I was having an affair. His paranoia ran from checking the mileage on my car every morning, researching my mobile phone bill via my online account and cross referencing the numbers to hacking my email accounts using my secret questions. I wasn't having an affair at all, and the strain of his insecurities almost split us up permanently.

There does have to be some trust in any relationship. He shouldn't have to give you access to his accounts, you should trust him enough in the first place. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be constantly accused? To have your OH yelling at you at 8.30am because he just got your car out of the garage for you to go to Uni and found you did 3 miles more than you usually do? The sinking feeling you have when you can't explain why that is, but you know you are not seeing someone else and you were at college all day? Then the realisation that you dropped off a birthday present to a friend with your DD in tow so she has to confirm it at just 9 years old?!

Do you know what it feels like to have a text from an old friend and feel guilty? To have to remember where you are at all points of the day in case he asks? Its not fun in the slightest, it pushed me over the edge.

We did eventually turn our marriage around, and his insecurity is under control now but I promise you its no way to live.

ipod_killed_the_musicshop

pulliptears wrote: »

Have any of you tried to see this from another perspective?

My OH went through a phase of being exceptionally paranoid. He was convinced I was having an affair. His paranoia ran from checking the mileage on my car every morning, researching my mobile phone bill via my online account and cross referencing the numbers to hacking my email accounts using my secret questions. I wasn't having an affair at all, and the strain of his insecurities almost split us up permanently.

There does have to be some trust in any relationship. He shouldn't have to give you access to his accounts, you should trust him enough in the first place. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be constantly accused? To have your OH yelling at you at 8.30am because he just got your car out of the garage for you to go to Uni and found you did 3 miles more than you usually do? The sinking feeling you have when you can't explain why that is, but you know you are not seeing someone else and you were at college all day? Then the realisation that you dropped off a birthday present to a friend with your DD in tow so she has to confirm it at just 9 years old?!

Do you know what it feels like to have a text from an old friend and feel guilty? To have to remember where you are at all points of the day in case he asks? Its not fun in the slightest, it pushed me over the edge.

We did eventually turn our marriage around, and his insecurity is under control now but I promise you its no way to live.

He is a very, very, lucky man.

gareth01422

linz32 wrote: »

Just a quick question to see if it's me being paranoid, ive had a bit of a argument with my boyfriend so were sort of not speaking, ive had my suspicions that he's been messaging other women on facebook and on msn, ive asked him if he's doing this and he replied no, i don't believe him so ive asked him for his passwords for facebook and msn i know some of you will think that's his private stuff, but to me if theres nothing to hide then whats the problem, his reply was you can have it when i change my password as its the same for everything, to my knowledge those are the only two things i know about, am i just being paranoid?

Nothing like telling half a story is there?

First of all, as for talking to people on MSN - Their are 2 people on my msn YOU and a friend called Phillip.

Second, You are going on about me talking to people on facebook? I'm not the one getting asked round to a guy's house to catch up over a bottle of wine and also getting set up with a bloke through a friend. But yet ive added one female of the OU course facebook group and I'm the one up to no good.

Now tell whos been chatting to people on facebook and MSN? and Facebook?

Is it me who should be told to hit road? I dont know maybe its rules for one but not the other.

just a little advice for some people on here, There is always 2 sides to a story.

Gareth

gareth01422

linz32 wrote: »

Were 33, and thanks BeenieCat that's true it will all come out in the end and if i get one bit of evidence he's up to no good he's up the road for definate.

see above post???????????

gareth01422

linz32 wrote: »

Firstly when im at work he's facebook a lot i ask him about it and he says he was talking to his sister, then this might sound stupid but he add's this one girl off a course he's doing then makes her admin on a group he's created, this makes me sound stupid i know, ive not seen him for 4 days he's been on facebook loads, when he comes to my house he brings his laptop goes on facebook then straight off it again, 2 weeks ago i noticed he had a message in his inbox he never opened it while i was there, i went out of the room and when i came back in he had opened it the little one next to inbox had gone, i asked him later on that night who it was off and he said it was his sister, when he's here and goes out like the other day he was here one night went to his mums the following day then was meant to stay here the same night he took his laptop with him and came up with the excuse, he can check the bank to see if his money had gone in. I think maybe im probably a bit paranoid as when i met him for around a year after i found him still on dating sites, he doesnt do that now as far as i know.

1. When your at work im watching TV, doing my uni work and a bit of facebook (not loads).
2. My sister has just broke up with her boyfriend and she has been messaging me through facebook telling me all about, now im not going to give you password for you to go reading all about them. especially when you havnt a good word to say about any of my family.
3.When you text me and said "I'm off to bed now, see you tomorrow" in other words dont come to mine tonight, I was at the petrol station at the end of your road, as you know because one of you spy's saw me.
4. No its not you who is stupid, I think its me because as i keep trying to tell you Its me who is living down here for one reason and thats you.

Stop playing you silly little kiddy games and make the most of what have before you loose it.

Thanks again everyone for all the support and advice on this thread and mine.

Minxy_Bella

Hmmm I think these two need to have a proper talk face to face, rather than playing games online.

pulliptears

Good luck Gareth. I did say in my post above that people should see this from the other side, and now you have posted your side I do sympathise having been in your position.

You can work through things, OH and I have been happy for a while now without him being jealous or paranoid, but you do need to talk.

I wish you both all the best.

gareth01422

pulliptears wrote: »

Good luck Gareth. I did say in my post above that people should see this from the other side, and now you have posted your side I do sympathise having been in your position.

You can work through things, OH and I have been happy for a while now without him being jealous or paranoid, but you do need to talk.

I wish you both all the best.

I totally agree but you know when you are trying to comunicate with someone and they just give you a lie as an answer, or just sit there looking dumb, this is what i have to put up with.

zippychick

sorry why are yous together?

esio_trot

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

Hmmm I think these two need to have a proper talk face to face, rather than playing games online.

Absolutely. This is the kind of stuff you get up to when you're at school, not at, what did OP say they were...33?

ETA - the "other side of the story" http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1978563