Issues already with who to invite to wedding- ARGH

never_enough

My thoughts on this are mixed. Whilst I agree that it's your big day I think having the wedding at her house gives her more say than normal. My mother took over the guest list (& plans) for my first wedding which both my ex & I wanted to be very small & simple. We were paying & had 16 guests in mind. We ended up having a huge do & I had the same thing as an earlier poster, total strangers there. It did annoy me LOTS in the run up to the wedding. The one thing I did want her to do (pass on any present suggestions *if* anyone asked) she was rubbish at & told everyone to just call me & ask... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes::rolleyes: However, it was a very lovely day & nothing could have changed that, everyone had a great time & she was happy.

Second time round we went abroad, just the two of us & it was amazing. There was never an option for anyone else to be there (they knew the country but no more details. ) We had a small party when we got home for close family & a few friends.

As you are getting married in her home you would be silly to stand your ground on this. She could make things very unpleasant for you on the day. I'm not saying she would, but the opportunity is there. My suggestion would be to discuss with your fiance who is going to be dropped from his list & be replaced with his aunt. You can then let his mother know that X has been dropped in favour of the aunt. That should stop anymore guests being demanded. It is important that you & your fiance stick together on this though, no raising numbers or you'll never stop!
I'd like to think of it more as taking the moral high ground than the start of some kind of enslavement to the MIL monster!
Good luck, let us know how it pans out.

Bennifred

I think this is one for your H2B to sort out!:D
He needs to decide if he is prepared to drop one of his friends in favour of his aunt - and then tell his mother, whichever he decides! That way it his her son saying "I would rather have Fred at my wedding than Aunt Misery and that's who I'm inviting" or "I'm going to uninvite Fred, Mum, so that you can have Aunt Misery - hope that makes you happy".
If MIL-to-be speaks to you about it, just say that you (as a couple) have decided on 10 guests each and it's up to H2B who his 10 are. Let them slug it out!

miserly_mum

I think the major mistake the OP has made is using the inlaws place as a venue. It just gives the MIL ammunition (rightly or wrongly) when it comes to who gets invited to the wedding.

Personally I would have paid for another completely neutral venue

I do symathise with the OP. My OH and I have just decided to cancel all our wedding arrangements and just clear off on our own and get married instead.

This is mainly due to complicated family politics. We just got fed up with the whole thing and thought f*ck the lot of them it's our day.

We've lost deposit money but will save thousands in the long run and nobody will feel excluded because....... they'll all be exluded

Primrose

I think the comments are right about choosing the in-laws home as the wedding venue. It may have looked a cheap option in the short term but with the amount of aggro that is being caused, I wonder if it's too late for you to choose somewhere else. With a neutral venue and you paying all the bills, there can then be no arguments about the issue of number of guests. In terms of avoiding family ill feeling for the future, this might still be the best option if it's still possible for you to do it.

pinkshoes

Stick to 10 guests each, invite the Aunt, and un-invite the MIL

PERFECT solution! (other than you'll need a new venue...)

reeree

weddings always seem to bring the worst out in some people, my case was the opposite though, my mum and dad were divorced when i was eight, and when i announced i was getting married (aged 18) my mother said she wouldnt come if i invited my dad, so stupidly i didnt invite him, on the day before my wedding she changed her mind and said he could come, by that time of course it was too late, Ive always regretted listening to her, you should do what you want to do and not listen to her, after all its your wedding not hers, Sadly my dad died from a massive heart attack and i never got to tell him how sorry I was

Mrs_P_Pincher

In my experience (married three times) you can never put together a wedding guest list that pleases everyone. We did pretty much as you plan, we had 20 people for lunch and then a huge party (300+) in the evening. To keep to 20 we had to say family and 'old' friends only, which meant no friends from the pub. I just said to people - this is how it is, I'd love you to be there, but if we invite you we have to invite, A, B. C, D etc. Everyone was fine. Can't you or OH have a quiet word with Auntie and explain and then make a big fuss of her at your party?

It's your wedding, you're paying for it, you have control of the guest list. End of. However, upsetting someone comes with the territory so best get it over early.

The very best of luck to both of you - have a good one.

Mrs P P

SmlSave

Hi everyone - my two pence worth:

I got married in August I had to tell my Nan that my uncle N wasn't invited to the stag do, my uncle P that he wasn't invited to the day and had a lengthy discussion with MIl & FIL about how NONE of my DH's uncles or aunty's were invited at all!

It all worked out We talked everything through with our parents and gave our reasons whilst making it clear that it was our wedding. We also had more friends than family too and afterwards everyone mentioned how much fun it was and how refreshing that it was a 'young and lively' day

May I suggest that you have a chat with your MIL and say that you're more than happy to call the Aunt and explain what's happening?

I would say that if you invite the Aunt there is no doubt going to be other people that you have to invite too and it'll get out of hand.

I was tempted to run away and elope, bash people's heads in (literary) and crawl into a dark corner.............but I'm glad I didn't and had a good day. I was also very glad when it was over

SmlSave

P.S Totally agree with your post Mrs P P

poet123

SmlSave wrote: »

I was also very glad when it was over

Each to their own, but I find that quite a sad quote.

I got married 28 years ago, and had quite a big wedding. There were some differences of opinion as to who should attend (on both sides)we talked them through and compromised. The bottom line was everyone who others wanted to attend were nice people, and people who wanted to be part of our special day. Maybe a couple of them were people we only knew slightly, but they had been family friends for years and kept in touch with our parents via cards and letters, and always liked to hear how we were doing. So, to me, it was a nice gesture to have them attend. It added to, rather than detracted from our day, and cost wise a couple more made very little difference.

Our wedding day was so special that we could have repeated it time and time again, and we certainly weren't glad it was over. I look back on the day with really happy memories of the many people who wanted to celebrate with us, and who contributed to making it such a special day.