Issues already with who to invite to wedding- ARGH

silvercar

Stop discussing the wedding with MIL. If she is going to argue on every decision then she needs to be kept out of the picture until the last minute.

Now the cat is out of the bag, you will have to deal with it. I would tell her there is a small party 10 each side and that is it; if auntie needs to come then she needs to suggest who is dropped. For the future, each partner has to deal with their own family, so MIL creating is your OHs problem.

prudryden

Get married in Maui. There is a little white church on the volcano overlooking the ocean. Anyone who wants to come and pay their way is welcome.

PinkLipgloss

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

I think you should invite the aunt.

I completely disagree. It's OP's day and if she and her fiance don't want a certain someone there (regardless of the reason) then that's THEIR CHOICE.

Furthermore, in my experience this will be the tip of the iceberg - before OP knows it MIL will be demanding other relatives/friends of family are also invited. It's best to be firm from the start - that way everyone knows exactly where they stand.

ailuro2

Go away and get married and don't invite anyone.

Don't have a party when you get back.

It's you two who are getting married after all.




If you want the whole white dress and pressies thing then get married here and invite everyone, also invite MIL and FIL to pay for the extra guests they want there at around £40 a head just for the evening do.

tandraig

tell future MIL there are funds and space for set amount of guests. tell her you would be quite happy to invite aunty in HER place!! hun - this woman will be a nightmare to deal with if you let her bully you now. put your foot down now and save yourself a lot of heartache in future

Becles

If you've agreed a guestlist I think you should stick to your guns. If you do invite this one aunt, are you going to offend other aunts/uncles/relatives on a similar level, because they didn't an invite?

I've been married twice. At my first wedding my Mam took over my side of the guest list. My Grandad has five older sisters who all had to come with husbands, but I'd never seen them for years, plus other distant relatives, then 3 couples that are friends of my parents had to be invited too. People kept coming up to me and saying "eeehhhh I remember when you were this high...." and I was smiling sweetly while thinking who the hell are you? I wasn't allowed any of my friends at my wedding and I really regret it.

Got married a second time and we organised and paid for it. Just had close friends and family there and it was a fabulous occasion. I really enjoyed it a lot more.

2boysmum

I was in the same position when I got married, we got married in an old country house and only wanted immediate family as it was quite expensive and we were having a reception at night. We paid for our wedding ourselves, but MIL thought it was awful how certain people in her family were not going for the meal, we had kept the numbers even on both sides of the family so it was fair, but there is always one more person who they think should be invited. Stick to your guns, you are paying for it, so you are entitled to decide who attends your special day!

Congratulations by the way!!!!!

notsayingaword

This is exactly the reason I got married without telling anyone . Why should you invite someone who makes you feel uncomfortable? It probably won't stop at one more as her partner/children (if any) would probably have to come along, then there's the inevitable "if she can go then why can't so-and-so come"? Your MIL probably thinks she has the right to stick her oar in as you want to hold the wedding at her house, regardless of whether you are paying for it. She could make things difficult for you so it may be easier to either move the venue so that you have total control or just go off on your own. Good luck with whatever you decide.

belfastgirl23

I don't think it's this one aunt, I think if you give in on that then it will be the other aunts and uncles etc etc. I think you should both sit your MIL down and tell her you're really sorry but that you only want people who are close to you both and the aunt isn't one of them. And that you aren't inviting aunts and uncles at all. Appeal to her better nature (whether it's there or not ). Stay calm and stick to your guns. Remember the broken record approach - I'm really sorry this is upsetting you, but I'm afraid this is how we want it to be. Whatever arguments she throws at you, this is what you need to keep saying. Don't engage in debate because at the end of the day, it isn't a logical argument and you can't win on the basis of logic. You need to be very very careful not to lose your temper or have a row about it. Keep smiling if it kills you.

Your FILs statement worries me too, clearly people in the family have just given in a lot of times and she now expects it. I think this is part of your training of both your H2B and the family, that you don't just agree all of the time.

Lots of luck. You're right to stick to your guns on this one.

tandraig

sorry but if future MIL is throwing a hissy fit on this - how is she going to be in future? you need to get things straight now! is your future OH supportive now? she sounds right bossy cow to put it honestly. can you count on OH support? if so - you are in position of strength - there is damn all she can do. if not - hmmmmmmmm rethink needed hun and post back