Issues already with who to invite to wedding- ARGH

Mrs_pbradley936

Claire2831 wrote: »

poet123 wrote: »

:rolleyes: Honestly, a wedding, like life and relationships, is about, or rather imo should be about, compromise, trying to ensure everyone feels valued, and having a wonderful day in front of family and friends. Not stamping your foot and insisting you get your own way in every last detail, at the expense of family harmony, and just because you can.

QUOTE]


I completely disagree, a wedding is not about compromise, it’s about what the bride and groom want. Neither of them want anyone else there other than those that have been invited and this should be respected. They should not have to run off in secret in order to have the day that they want.

I rather think that poet and I are talking about marriage rather than the wedding they are not the same at all. But then she and I have had decades of experience at marriage. Something very unlikely to be achieved without compromise. That does not mean you have to be a doormat - it means you have to consider the situation (any situation) and the likely pitfalls of a course of action. Things that do not bend will break after all.

poet123

Claire2831 wrote: »

poet123 wrote: »

:rolleyes: Honestly, a wedding, like life and relationships, is about, or rather imo should be about, compromise, trying to ensure everyone feels valued, and having a wonderful day in front of family and friends. Not stamping your foot and insisting you get your own way in every last detail, at the expense of family harmony, and just because you can.

QUOTE]


I completely disagree, a wedding is not about compromise, it’s about what the bride and groom want. Neither of them want anyone else there other than those that have been invited and this should be respected. They should not have to run off in secret in order to have the day that they want.

The Wedding Day should be about what the two people involved want. However, it is still advisable/nice to be considerate of the feelings of others, especially when the wedding day is just that, a single day. The repercussions of that day, and actions taken then, are sometimes felt for a long time.

The addition of one guest, and one who is a close relative of the groom at that, is not too much to ask imo, particularly under the circumstances.

Obviously I am not advocating the bride and groom run every decison past a committee, rather that they focus on what is important, and what isnt, and not fight battles which are trivial just for the sake of being bloody minded.

tizhimi

poet123 wrote: »

The Wedding Day should be about what the two people involved want. However, it is still advisable/nice to be considerate of the feelings of others, especially when the wedding day is just that, a single day

No it is not advisable/nice in the least, its about not being a push over and doing what the couple wants.

Its the most important day in a couples life, why should they compromise their day?

The OP in the first post says... "plus when we do she is quite sharp and not at all easy to talk to". Great company then!!

archie9uk

I don't think you should give in to MIL's demands, but without changing your venue I'm not sure what choice you have. Which is more important - having the wedding at the in-laws house or not having the aunt there? If you stand your ground, I think you and your fiance should talk to his aunt, rather than leaving it to your MIL.

We had a very small wedding - five guests each. My hubby had to leave out some family members, but they were fine with that because they knew we were having such a small wedding. We needed to keep the cost down and neither of us feel comfortable with large groups of people, so it was perfect for us. The room where we got married (registry office in a town hall) had a limit of ten guests anyway, so that was a good reason to keep the numbers down so low!

Evansangel

Sounds like my mum lol.

I told her i wasn't inviting any of my great aunties, 2nd cousins to my wedding next June. At first i said they can come to the reception, then at a family party where they first all met OH, one of my 2nd cousins got drunk and started on me, and when OH told him to back off as he was upsetting me, my whole family turned on OH and accused him of trying to 'beat' up my cousin and start fights lol.

So i said they are not coming at all, they ruined it for themselves. And my mum said if they dont come she's not going.

I said "Thats fine, its your problem not mine."

She's coming now though haha. Then when i told her we're thinking of having a french fancy cupcake tower she started saying "i cant have that, its not real wedding cake, it will look stupid, etc, etc"

To which i said "oh well, its MY wedding I do what I want"

Stick to your guns OP, tell her that aunt is not coming as its YOUR wedding and NOT HERS

And congrats!

Zazen999

tizhimi wrote: »

Its all down to power isn't it? I mean, when I was at uni in first year they taught us something in the first lecture that stuck with me....

"gift exchange creates obligation"

Just 'cos its at thier house it doesn't mean they should be obliged to invite who they like. Guilt tripping someone into gettting the aunt invited would just get their back up.

At the end of the day, weddings should be about the couple, not the guests. I'm inviting friends and family who I like, and who like me. (obviously vice versa with my OH too) No fakers thanks!

Yes, and the mother in law to be has the power to
a - completely muck up the wedding that is being held at their house
b - hold this against them forever.....

What's a little compromise when you are a guest in someone else's house?

It's not like the aunt is someone off the street....she'll probably help out with the day anyway...perhaps the MIL2B wants her to be there for moral support.

I'd get her there and give her a really important job to do to make her feel part of the day.......what's the worst that can happen?????

wendywitch

Buddingblonde wrote: »

I would be tempted to tell them that it is your wedding and if they dont like your plans then you will get married elsewhere and they wont be invited.

Dont let others hijack your day

I was going to say exactly the same thing!!

mwa

No practical advice I'm afraid but I just wanted to say aaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh on your behalf, what an inconsiderate old bat she sounds, is your finance able to stand up to her at all?

We got married last year and had some family problems with his Dad not wanting us to invite his Mum (very bad divorce 20 odd years ago) and it caused no end of problems, in the end we invited them both and made sure they were sitting far apart. It made things very awkward!

Why do we hear of so many people having huge family problems when they get married, it's unbelieveable!

Good luck and keep us posted...

prudryden

When you renew your vows next year, you can invite the ones who missed out this time.

poet123

tizhimi wrote: »

No it is not advisable/nice in the least, its about not being a push over and doing what the couple wants.

Its the most important day in a couples life, why should they compromise their day?

The OP in the first post says... "plus when we do she is quite sharp and not at all easy to talk to". Great company then!!

No one would accuse me of being a push over:rolleyes: but I do know what battles are important and what are trivialities. Also, we are not hearing what the couple wants, rather, what the Bride wants, which is a tad diffferent. If the Groom really does not want his Aunt present, let him tell her, and let him tell his mother......

With regard to why should they compromise....maybe compromise is the wrong term, we are not talking about a huge issue, such as who is Best man, Bridesmaid, Venue, colour scheme, flowers, enitire guest list, etc, etc, but ONE guest:rolleyes:. The prosepective MIL is hardly asserting any pressure asking for her SISTER to be invited to the wedding held in HER home. So, not a compromise at all, just accomodating the Groom's mother in a reasonable request imo.