Issues already with who to invite to wedding- ARGH

tizhimi

Exactly. Weddings are awful. Awful Awful Awful.

And why the hell should you waste money on people you don't like? Er.... "for harmony?" what a load of crap. Go choke on some icing sugar. And don't forget my present. Or else.

Zazen999

tizhimi wrote: »

Exactly. Weddings are awful. Awful Awful Awful.

And why the hell should you waste money on people you don't like? Er.... "for harmony?" what a load of crap. Go choke on some icing sugar. And don't forget my present. Or else.

Er...because the OP's wedding is being held at the OP's parent's house.....it's not rocket science is it? Just let auntie come. Simples.

It would be a different matter if it was on neutral territory...but it isn't.

poet123

It works both ways though, doubtless you will get some refusals from people you like, but who don't like you......why should they spend time or money on someone they dont like? and feeling as you do, why have a wedding at all? Surely it is supposed to be an event to look forward to, enjoy and remember fondly? not endure and get through with gritted teeth

tizhimi

Zazen999 wrote: »

Er...because the OP's wedding is being held at the OP's parent's house.....it's not rocket science is it? Just let auntie come. Simples.

It would be a different matter if it was on neutral territory...but it isn't.

Its all down to power isn't it? I mean, when I was at uni in first year they taught us something in the first lecture that stuck with me....

"gift exchange creates obligation"

Just 'cos its at thier house it doesn't mean they should be obliged to invite who they like. Guilt tripping someone into gettting the aunt invited would just get their back up.

At the end of the day, weddings should be about the couple, not the guests. I'm inviting friends and family who I like, and who like me. (obviously vice versa with my OH too) No fakers thanks!

Primrose

Get your fiance to write a personal letter to the aunt explaining that because you are paying for the wedding, you can only afford to invite immediately family to the actual ceremony but that you're planning a party shortly afterwards and do hope that she'll be able to come. Include a few chatty remarks and leave it at that. But don't give in to emotional blackmail. Start how you mean to go on.

tizhimi

Primrose wrote: »

But don't give in to emotional blackmail. Start how you mean to go on.

Bravo! :beer:

tandraig

brilliant primrose - you just summed up all the best advice in one go!!! would have taken me two pages at least!!!

Claire2831

I’m getting married next month and have had very similar problems with my parent in-laws to be. It started off because we were not planning on inviting any aunts and uncles on either side because we didn’t see them ever and wanted a small wedding. They caused such big arguments about it that we gave in and said we would invite aunt’s uncles from his side.

But it didn’t stop there, they then started pushing for the cousins on his side to be invited which we subsequently agreed too. They still weren’t happy, the weren’t happy that we weren’t having a gift list, they weren’t happy that we didn’t want a fruit cake, they weren’t happy that they were only getting to invite some of there friends and not there work colleagues also. In the end I stopped telling them about our plans and started avoiding going round to see them. I started to resent them for the pressure they were putting on us.

I feel strongly that a wedding should be about the bride and groom and whatever they should go.

Very best of luck to you.

property.advert

Buddingblonde wrote: »

I would be tempted to tell them that it is your wedding and if they dont like your plans then you will get married elsewhere and they wont be invited.

Dont let others hijack your day

Yes, just tell them to shut up. It is not their plan to like or dislike. In fact, just don't tell them anything. Invite them if you want to or not. If your other half does not do this himself, you need to think whether he can "grow a set" because he should have already stopped this in its tracks.

Claire2831

poet123 wrote: »

:rolleyes: Honestly, a wedding, like life and relationships, is about, or rather imo should be about, compromise, trying to ensure everyone feels valued, and having a wonderful day in front of family and friends. Not stamping your foot and insisting you get your own way in every last detail, at the expense of family harmony, and just because you can.

QUOTE]


I completely disagree, a wedding is not about compromise, it’s about what the bride and groom want. Neither of them want anyone else there other than those that have been invited and this should be respected. They should not have to run off in secret in order to have the day that they want.