Please help, partner spending my cash!

MyLastFiver

Sorry I haven't read through the whole of this thread, but she takes your card without your permission, uses it for shopping and takeaways, then lies to you about it?

You say you love her, but how can you love someone who steals from you and lies to you?

Get away before she drags you down with her.

injaroc

My husband and I know each others pin numbers only because we use different accounts to store money for different reasons e.g bill money/holiday money etc but on no occasion have I nor he taken money from any account without the agreement of the other person.
The way I see it if you and she have separate finances then her taking your card and therefore money without your knowledge is as everyone else here has said theft no doubt about it.
On a side note how did u find out that she had taken money from these accounts did she for instance home home and say "oh look sorry i've had to borrow £x til payday" or did she say nothing and you found out by looking at your statements?

spykey_uk

injaroc wrote: »

On a side note how did u find out that she had taken money from these accounts did she for instance home home and say "oh look sorry i've had to borrow £x til payday" or did she say nothing and you found out by looking at your statements?

He only found out when he checked his bank statements...

fabforty

angeleeyes wrote: »

I just received this text when I mentioned that I will be calling her dad tonight (yes, I know I was probably !!!! stirring by telling her, ah well).

"If you are honestly telling the truth, then you will be the cause for us to end. You had my word I would start repaying friday"

So anyway, ultimatum is "You will be paying me back £x per month, one missed standing order or one more use of my card(s) will result in a phone call to your dad. End of discussion."

Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship where the only way to get your partner to treat you with respect/not steal from you/not lie to you/stop crapping all over you, is to threaten to tell her dad? Like two kids in a playground, with her dad keeping watch to make sure you play nicely. Lets hope he lives to a ripe old age or you really will be in trouble. Neither one of you is blameless; she is walking all over you and you know that she is but have decided to continue playing the doormat. My advice, run while you still can or stay and get used to it.

Trollfever

My ex is an additional cardholder on a card of mine that has a very substantial limit.
It is for use in case of need and if it gets abused will be instantly withdrawn.

dexter_fan

I agree with everything that has already been said. Sorry to sound harsh, but what future do you see in this relationship? do you want to marry her one day? Do you want her to be the mother of your future children? If you cannot trust her with something as fundamental as money, then what basis do you have for everything else in your life?

I would think yourself lucky that you have woken up and smelt the coffee now, before life got even more complicated (mortgages, children etc). And you HAVE smelt the coffee, as your posts seem to show. Perhaps you just needed support to know you were right.

DF

fabforty

angeleeyes wrote: »

I just received this text when I mentioned that I will be calling her dad tonight (yes, I know I was probably !!!! stirring by telling her, ah well).

"If you are honestly telling the truth, then you will be the cause for us to end. You had my word I would start repaying friday"

So anyway, ultimatum is "You will be paying me back £x per month, one missed standing order or one more use of my card(s) will result in a phone call to your dad. End of discussion."

Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship where the only way to get your partner to treat you with respect/not steal from you/not lie to you/stop crapping all over you, is to threaten to tell her dad? Like two kids in a playground, with her dad keeping watch to make sure you play nicely. Lets hope he lives to a ripe old age or you really will be in trouble. Neither one of you is blameless; she is walking all over you and you know that she is but have decided to continue playing the doormat. My advice, run while you still can or stay and get used to it.

Locke

She's treating you like a mug and you seem to be letting her get away with it.

If you're going to stay with her then you should only use your cash card to draw money out at the beginning of the week and leave it at home for the rest of the time, that way she can't get her hands on it.

But really you shouldn't be going through this situation.

beaujolais-nouveau

angeleeyes wrote: »

She has suggested in the past that all her wages go into my account, I then work it all out (I have countless excel spreadsheets) and then basically transfer the £x spending money she has (Petrol, days out, food shopping).

That's not teaching her to understand money. She is treating you as if you were her Daddy. Did she ever pay back her grandmother (see post above)? If her wages go to your account, and you then pay her an allowance, how is this different from being a teenager with a clothes allowance from Daddy? How will she ever learn to budget? If you continue together and both get into financial difficulties, won't she just look for another "Daddy" - because she certainly won't know anything about value for money or economising or taking responsibility.

beaujolais-nouveau

nearlyrich wrote: »

It's madness to give anyone your PIN no matter how much in love you are

Hear hear.

A member of my family seemed to think that he had to have joint accounts and share PIN numbers with his spouse to demonstrate his love for her. She maxed out one card on the same day that she knew that he would be using it to pay for lunch for himself and a guest in a City restaurant - his card was refused, and the guest had to pay the bill. It all got much much worse, years later, because she continued to spend money like it was going out of fashion, even when they had by then accumulated a £400,000 mortgage yet there was only one wage-earner in the household not earning enough to service the mortgage and keep the family in food and clothing.

The OP's partner is never going to learn, in my view.