What would you do? inheritance decision to make with limited choices.

bluestarrz

I think you are soooo lucky to have a mum that worked so hard for you and your siblings to give you and the grandchildren the best future she can. I personally would take the house and put all earnings towards the kids college and future. Thousands of parents (including me) sit up all night worrying about paying bills, college plans etc and you have a chance to have security in you life, I think you'd be a fool not to take this kind offer and I'd let your mother know just how much you appreciate it.
Your partner sounds very selfish and greedy not at all family minded so I'd definitely get house in my name.
Don't know how much that helps but I'd feel very blessed if it was me

gizmo111

I'd take the house but insist that partner pays pay mum rent which she can put away for children. If you are married then be careful of putting the house in your name as he could still claim on it at a later date shouldyou split.

FROSTYFRECKLE

I would opt for Option 1 but can the house be put in trust for the children, so that your partner has no financial claim to it. Your partner sounds financially irresponsible and immature (thinking of himself first). As stated previously you and your partner will not be paying rent so can put that money aside for maintenance/improvements of property.

tori.k

I think i can understand exactly where your coming from, well both of you....you love you mum (that shines thru your post) but your want her to see that you dont need her help and can stand on your own two feet.
from her point of view it seems (and makes more sense) thas she disposes of her assets now rather then the state take it, if she needed nursing home care, or you having to pay inheritance tax.

Oldernotwiser

tori.k wrote: »

I think i can understand exactly where your coming from, well both of you....you love you mum (that shines thru your post) but your want her to see that you dont need her help and can stand on your own two feet..

But it isn't standing on your own two feet when you have to say " it's not like you couldn't get help with rent/council tax if you had to temporarily give up work/reduce hours. " and when you believe that the council should be responsible for maintenance and upkeep of your home.

Another possibility for the OP and her mother would be to fund a good quality retraining course for herself. This would mean that she need no longer do a "menial" job and could be a better role model for her children, who seem to already be totally lacking in aspiration for their future lives.

busiscoming2

I would go for option 1, even if you choose to rent it out and continue living in your rental house. But take care that your husband/partner has no claim on the property if you should ever split.

aliasojo

I think the OP needs to accept that as a parent, her Mum is doing the last thing she can for her 'child/children'. Just as most women go through a 'nesting' period at the end of pregnancy, most parents who have the means to do so, will want to settle the last thing they can do for their offspring, largely for their own peace of mind I suspect.

I'm sure the OP has her reasons for feeling as she does, but I can't understand them tbh. A house would give certainty and stability which would in turn give the OP's Mum a feeling of ease ..... she could leave this earth peacefully knowing that her family were taken care of. Leaving the OP money would not give provide the same peace of mind and in fact would only probably throw up more worries.

I think a house would solve the teenager issues (which will only get worse with age so doing what you can to make life easier seems to make sense) and it's a good safety net for the future.

On the face of it, it's a no brainer and the fact the OP is having such problems with this situation makes me wonder if there are underlying issues not mentioned?

Katie-Kat-Kins

I think you'd be mad not to take her up on the offer!!!

I'd suggest that she buys the house but sets up a trust to own the house giving you a life interest in it but it being owned jointly by your three children. This should prevent your partner having a claim on it and she can set it up so that the pair of you pay rent at a suitable level to the trust fund which would be used for the maintenance of the house and any surplus to be a university fund for the children.

But you'd all need legal advice on that.

I also like the other posters suggestion about asking her whether she would fund retraining for you as an option so that you can reach your full potential.

I'd also say that staying in a council home you don't need is downright selfish when there are so many people desparately in need of one and such a lack of housing stock. A friend of mine couldn't get a council house when she was made homeless due to loss of her job (which included a flat) and was left in B&B accomodation in one room with two schoolage sons whilst 8 months pregnant. If houses weren't taken up by people who don't need them the genuinely homeless could be helped instead.

Oldernotwiser

aliasojo wrote: »

On the face of it, it's a no brainer and the fact the OP is having such problems with this situation makes me wonder if there are underlying issues not mentioned?

I totally agree with this; particularly about the underlying issues.

The OP seems to harbour a vast amount of resentment towards her mother, her partner and her two older children. Turning down this generous offer seems to me to be a way of punishing all of them in one fell swoop, even if she does seem to be cutting off her nose to spite her face!

ema_o

I can see where you are coming from, especially with your concerns about your partner. I think you should accept your mum's offer, but as people above have said make sure he continues to put money that would have been rent aside to do the things you would like to do - holidays, emergency fund for repairs, education fund, things that you need for the house.
Sit down and write up a budget taking into account what you both have now and what the difference would be if you weren't paying rent. Work out what you want put aside for holidays / repairs etc (you can set up a direct debit to put this into a seperate account). Then work out what additional is left, it might be that you and your partner can afford a small amount of spending money each, which he could then save up and spend on these luxuries his eyes lit up over (but he should have to save up for things not just get them automatically).

If you are not confident this will work with him and he will end up getting his own way why don't you show this post to your mum to explain why you are not immediately accepting her offer xx