sucidial... no help given

tandraig

just re- read that post and it sounds harsh - but i stand by every word.. you heard of tough love???? its when you spoiled your kids and have to re-write rules!!! I cant believe your adult kids would see you struggle while dad is doing nicely - and criticise you! whatever happened in past you are still their mum . but to be honest - while they got that attitude - i would keep contact to minimum and concentrate on son - they are adults - and not very nice ones!!!

1sue23

my daughter struggles like you and has at times felt low enouth to want to take her own life she is a single mother to a lovely little girl and like you gets no financial support from her ex so financialy life is very difficult , I have to remind her that her little girl lives with her and not her ex and so is dependant on her and needs her mum more than any one else in the world .
Without you your 12 year old son would be alone and with out his mum and at the age he is would be fully aware of the fact that you had taken your life ,he would feel the guilt for the rest of his life and would almost certainly blame himself for what had happened I feel that you are a caring person and would not want your child to live like this it would be heartbreaking for him as his mum you are his world and he loves you and needs you .
please contact the Samaritans and speak to them a caring voice is what you need to hear right now ,my daughter gets a lot of support from the online forum Sane and can vent her frustrations and worries to people who understand ,it is not easy and people who have not been there will find it difficult to understand what you are feeling .
I hope you can get the help you need and my thoughts are with you at this difficult time but for the love of your son please contact some one tonight .

pammyj74

from reading your posts you are a giver and unfortunately some people take advantage of that and probably of your vulnerability as well. Your ex must be able to afford to give the girls money instead of you. i bet you they wouldnt complain if dad said no to them though because it seems they just expect it from you because you have been so generous to them. it seems they dont realise how much and are greedy, they are adults and you shouldnt be giving them money. or your ex either. He seems to know how to push you.
Your son sounds like a credit to you and maybe you should focus your thoughts and energy to him. Please try and speak to someone about your negative thoughts.
I am in the process of seeing someone although i am on a waiting list (which is ridiculous as its 3 months) but i am hoping to be able to change my way of thinking.
I feel alone as well and it seems everyone else has a better life than me but in reality i know it isnt true but it feels like that. i just want to be able to talk through things with someone who wont judge me.

I really hope you sort it out hun x

frankiegirl

pammyj74 wrote: »

from reading your posts you are a giver and unfortunately some people take advantage of that and probably of your vulnerability as well. Your ex must be able to afford to give the girls money instead of you. i bet you they wouldnt complain if dad said no to them though because it seems they just expect it from you because you have been so generous to them. it seems they dont realise how much and are greedy, they are adults and you shouldnt be giving them money. or your ex either. He seems to know how to push you.
Your son sounds like a credit to you and maybe you should focus your thoughts and energy to him. Please try and speak to someone about your negative thoughts.
I am in the process of seeing someone although i am on a waiting list (which is ridiculous as its 3 months) but i am hoping to be able to change my way of thinking.
I feel alone as well and it seems everyone else has a better life than me but in reality i know it isnt true but it feels like that. i just want to be able to talk through things with someone who wont judge me.

I really hope you sort it out hun x

my ex has never given money to our daughters, not for their formal dresses or when one of our daughters won the place to go to usa with friends forever programme beating hundreds of kids to get that place... it was only 150 quid to send her to boston I had to find that money and send her cos my ex refused

BitterAndTwisted

It sounds to me that you've got a lot of anger, and you also sound like you've got an awful lot to be really b1oody angry about but you're turning it in onto yourself and hurting yourself in the process. You need an outlet for it and you also need to start being a tiny bit more selfish, especially with your grown-up daughters. I won't say what I think about your children's father, I'd probably get banned.

jack*tigger

Frankiegirl - I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. Kids can be so ungrateful at times. All you can do is be a good role model to them and show them how they should live their lives. Carry on giving them whatever money that you feel that you can afford and all the love that you can. As long as they know you will always be there for them. If they want anything extra tell them it's their Dad's turn to put his hand in his pocket as you are skint !

Who do you consider to be the strongest, toughest, person in the world? Real or fictional? Who do you look up to? Who would you most like to be??
If they were transported into your life as it is now - what would they do?? Have a think, a daydream - imagine what that person would say and do to your daughters, your ex, your son, your boss, your house. What would that strong and capable person do?
Make a list. Then review the list and chose 1 thing that you could do tomorrow. Tick it off the list and then find another thing that you could do the next day !
Inside everyone of is is a strong and capable person. Just let yours out and let her be in charge. YOU CAN DO IT !

Also make a list of 10 little treats that you can reward yourself with - a walk in the park, a new book, a bunch of flowers, a bar of chocolate ... and treat yourself at the end of each day you tick an item off your list.

GOOD LUCK and BE STRONG !

julliff

frankiegirl

I did not want to read and run.

I know how you are feeling. Two months ago, I was feeling exactly like you - only my 12 yeard old daughter stopped me from throwing myself off a balcony.

I think for your own sake, you need to distance yourself from those who are making you feel so wretched, at least for a while. Concentrate on your son, and enjoy being your own little unit.

Tell your older kids that you just dont have the money or the emotional strength to keep on the way thigs have been. Give yourself some space. Get some help too. Lots of helpful people on here, they can support you tremendously, and as they have already said, ring the samaritins.

I feel a bit of a fake offering advice, as my life is a complete mess at the mo, but I just want you to know that others care, and want to help.

MrsTinks

Tonight only one thing matters... forget the resturant, the merc, the PITA ex, the kids who only know half the story etc... tonight you need to focus on you. Many of us have been near the brink - some have crossed it to a greater or lesser agree, but at the end of the day even if your kids didn't need you (which they do!) then there is still a lot for you to do and see and experience. When it's your time then it's your time, I'm sure that it will happen when it's meant to - and if you "fail" at trying to end it - then it's because it wasn't your time
There are many things to look forward to - but sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we realise that the way forward is a very different path than the one we're on. I was in a very dark place about 8-9 years ago, VERY dark, and only by hitting the VERY bottom did I start to look up and see light at the end of the tunnel. Once I realised that I was so much better than what my ex had made me think I was I barely looked back. He alienated most of our friends by becoming very bitter about my sudden confidence and successes - I never had to say a bad word about him but all the b!tching from him about me made everyone turn away from him and instead people who'd been his friends for years suddenly started welcoming me in their circles... By realising I was so much better than him and above his pettiness, I grew and blossomed. I went from a £10k job, thinking I was nothing and having no selfworth to being VERY strong mentally, found a lovely bloke, got married and recently had a beautiful daughter and thanks to my OHs support I have a £35k a year job because he made me believe I could do it... I had nothing beyond A-level equivalents other than knowing someone believed in me to land me that job.
My ex still loathes me - I have nothing but pity for him.
You have found the bottom - now you need to look for that other path which maybe you haven't wanted to see until now or you just haven't noticed till now. It may be education, it may be travel, it may be a job you'd NEVER have dreamed of going for before - it might even be a bloke you thought was "too good" for you
Phone the samaritans and arrange to see another GP as soon as possible - speaking to someone may help you get things into perspective

morocha

I felt so sad when i read your post and even more when you wrote about your daughter's birthday. My mum was a single mum too, she worked so hard for all of us(4) we just could not see it, we were depressed ourselves because the separation and my dad was so selfish, never being there for us, that we would take it on her, because she was there, we thought she would always be there to care for us, and bear with our behavior, feeling unwanted, that once a time we had a dad and now he couldnt care less about us, i loved my dad so much till i realized that this man could not care less about me, then i started seeing how hard my mum was trying to get us happy, to get us stronger... that i admire her so much, I am 24 now, that was 7 years ago, my mum is the most wonderful person that someone could meet, she is the stronger and the kindest, i wish i was like her a bit more, i love her so much.
Your kids will realize that too, just give them time, maybe they find it hard to deal with their own lifes and they take it on you, they take you for granted....
Maybe being honest and opening your heart and feeling to them will made them see how sad you are feeling and that you need their help and love, you need from other too and you need them to show you that they care. Sometimes young people do not think...
I actually understood so much when she opened up and talked to me... i could see how much my behaviour affected her, and i started to change it, because of course i loved her.

zippychick

The op doesn't seem to have been online since last nights post at 1010. Let us know you are ok Franky .... I think what you did for your daughters birthday was lovely, really thoughtful...xxxxx