sucidial... no help given

mgardner

Hi Frankie

I have sent to you a PM. I mean every word. Bless u

eckythump

frankiegirl wrote: »

my son is 12, on the computer in his room, my daughters are scattered everywhere... cos i failed them. one is with my brother who beat the crap out of me the other two lives in a rented house i give money to all of my kids everyweek for bus money, dinner money only hear from them when they want money or lifts when i say ask you dad for it to be told dont be silly u know dad dont have it! awarded csa and my daughters thinks i am cruel cos I am forcing their dad to go on the dole rather than pay it.
last night i agreed to go out for a meal for our daughters birthday with the understanding thier dad paid half of it, bill arrived and he didnt have enough money and all of my kids said dont be mean mummy! i paid it but felt so down that they cant see that I dont have a flashty merc and struggle everyday they simply toldme daddy works hard for his merc!

frankie,
it sounds to me like you have always been the generous one giving the kids everything and your ex is the mean one.
my mum was like this too,always giving us what we asked.
I am sorry to say it took me a long time to truly appreciate her generousity as I think most kids do.
how old was your daughter on her birthday Frankie?

beaniebabe

You have not failed your daughters. You obviously care for your daughters as you wanted to share in their birthday celebrations. It sounds like your daughters think the world of you as well and do rely on your support.
Teenagers are experts at using their parents for lifts and money, they all do it!!! You may not have a flashy merc, neither have I But at least you put your children first in this situation and gave your daughter a great birthday meal!!

Keeping_Motivated

Farnkie have you seen a counsellor? Alot of this needs to be broken down and understood.

Your daughters don't live with you and you say you have let them down but why aren't they living with their father?

frankiegirl

she was 21... i bought helium ballons and birthday cake left it at the resturant for her and made her a cd which I loved cos i chose her name for it sarah by thin lizzy was hurt t the meal cos my ex said I remember your mum always insisted you all have kids meals and they said yeah! I said its cos we was on a budget to take you out for dinner they siad well ya shouldnt have taken us out for dinner then! i fought hard to keep back the tears, only my son got up from the table and hugged me and said mummy i didnt mind the kids meal menu, bill came and my ex said jesus i dont have enough money .... i said jokingly hark this is from a guy who drives a merc to be told mum! daddy works hard for it so dont be silly and pay up! which i did without a word but came home feeling so down i drive a crap car struggle everyweek without any help and knowing if i stop the money i give to my daughters weekly it be me that the the bad one not their father who has a life of riley holidays weekends away and drives a 25k merc as my 21 year old daughter clearly stated that is dad! U are our mum!

frankiegirl

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Farnkie have you seen a counsellor? Alot of this needs to be broken down and understood.

Your daughters don't live with you and you say you have let them down but why aren't they living with their father?

cos they wont cos of they woman he lives with is their godmother

whitewing

frankie, you really need some help to get you to put a healthy perspective. Your daughters do not have the life experience that you do. Sounds like they are being adversely influenced by other family members. You need to get some coping strategies. I think samaritans may help you at tonight. Try, if speaking to them doesn't work, we'll help you think of something else.

tandraig

love - your older kids are playing you - it hurts to hear it - but i think its true. the 12 year old knows the score. try not to let it get to you - the older kids are adults. but very selfish self centred adults who let dad influence them. you did your best - but honestly - if you met them recently - would you choose them as friends? they have no decency and obviously take after your ex! relax in the thought your son loves you and sees through them. er - and why are you giving over eighteens money when you cant really afford it? let them live their own lives. you ARE NOT liable for them. let them grow up - it will do them a favour in long run!!!

BitterAndTwisted

You know in your heart that you're doing the very best you can for your children but as Whitewing said they don't have the life experience to understand or deal with the situation. Their father is an ar*e and it won't be long before they start to appreciate that and appreciate all that you're doing and have done for them.

All we can ever do is our best and you're obviously doing it. Frankly, I think you're Superwoman

Keeping_Motivated

Ok so in your first post you said 'nothing I do is ever good enough' well that isn't true because you said in post 46 'i bought helium ballons and birthday cake left it at the resturant for her and made her a cd which I loved cos i chose her name for it sarah by thin lizzy' well that is MORE than good enough, thats LOVELY. The fact that it may not have been appreciated is another matter and although that may be hurtful it can NOT take away the fact it was enough and it was a lovely thing to do for your daughter.

You cannot control how other people think or react but you can choose not to absorb all that negativity, its their stuff, you are doing your best and need to recognise some of the good stuff you do x