Boyfriend been using my credit card

Pee

I haven't read all of the replies, but the real question here is can you forgive him.

I get the impression from your first post that the answer is no.

I had the same problem with an ex. He had a heroin addiction and he stole money from me. I thought that he was very special, the love of my life and that what we had was worth working at. Sadly, although he loved me, he loved drugs more. Eventually I had to realise that I couldn't help him and I had to get him out so that i could move on with my own life. This meant that I dated some ok people there was no chemistry with and felt I had no real future, all linked in with turning 30, too. However it was better being single than being in a relationship where I was struggling for money despite earning good money because someone else was spending it. Eventually, I got together with my boyfriend and have all the good points of my previous relationship without any of the bad - not quite true, I've had to learn to cook, but that's ok!

When i found out about the money on the credit card, i managed to make him understand how I felt and that as far as I was concerned, he had a lot of work to do to get things back to gether, starting by paying off the debt. I don't think he ever stole money again, but I was always suspicious and the trust was gone - and certainly he never paid towards mortgage or bills etc.

So, if you give him an ultimation now, it is just possible he will learn and never do it again. It is just possible you can forget about it and move on, like people do when one party has an affair. It is just possible, but I have to say, I don't think it is likely.

I hope you get the money back, but it's a small price to discover someones true character.

newcook

Bufger wrote: »

Trust me there are men out there that want to work and want to have a support a family. Most of my friends at work are single or have girlfriends and they're all on a high wage waiting to be snapped up! they're the kind of active adventure loving people that wouldnt end up stealing and giving up.

There is always better out there, just refine your judgement of people and be much more cautious

any in the birmingham area?!?!?!?!!

geri1965_2

Bufger wrote: »

Trust me there are men out there that want to work and want to have a support a family. Most of my friends at work are single or have girlfriends and they're all on a high wage waiting to be snapped up! they're the kind of active adventure loving people that wouldnt end up stealing and giving up.

There is always better out there, just refine your judgement of people and be much more cautious

I don't think I've been out with anyone who earns more than me since I was 25.

And I'm not especially well paid!

geri1965_2

jamespir wrote: »

he sounds untrustworthy to me although we all amke mistakes why dont you make him do some work for you to help clear the debts

He was doing housework etc. to pay for his keep as it was. I dunno what other work I could give him really.

brownbabygirl

sarahs999 wrote: »

Do you know what? I wouldn't even chase him for the money, because who knows how long that would drag on for and you might then end up relenting and letting him back into your life, just to !!!! it up again. I'd just close the door, learn your lesson and be shot of him. I do realise how easy it is to say this on a forum, to a stranger whose pain I can't feel, but the advantage of forums is that you get the truth when you ask for it. You just need to move on with your life and try to find someone who treats you properly.

totally agree

Dinah93

geri1965 wrote: »

He was doing housework etc. to pay for his keep as it was. I dunno what other work I could give him really.

I really don't think this is the answer. You pay your 10 year old to clean your car, with a grown man it is pitiful and demeaning.

I think you need to have courage to accept he used you and is taking the p out of you by doing this, and intentionally trying to cover his actions. If he doesn't come up with the money by the end of the weekend, go to the police and report it as fraudulent usage (I know from personal experience how hard this feels to do) as otherwise your CC provider is going to chase you.

mcmanlyn

omg if he was younger i'd think it was my ex!
He was in & out of jobs (mostly out) when he didn't work he did all the cleaning & things - which at the time I thought was okay! He left jobs simply because he was bored/didn't like them!? Leaving me to pay all the bills & run up the huge debts that I still have now!
He stole money from me, let me lend him money to make the payments on his debts...then didn't pay them off & just got drunk on the money...cheated on me, hid debt letters from me, he even pretended to go to work when he'd quit already!!! I had to do some serious digging to find him out!

When I finally came to my senses I kicked him out & wanted to hear no more from him! I was left with 2 loans, 2 credit cards & a whopping overdraft which all came to about £17k. It was all in my name coz his credit was so bad...
I didn't really care about taking it all on thou - I see it as my punishment for being such a fool for all those years! And I knew I couldn't have kept in touch to get money back without falling back into his trap.

My advice is to get out now Geri! If he can do all that behind your back, it shows you can't trust him Think about how much you care for him - you'd never have dreamt of doing anything of the sort would you?
It's a harsh & sad lesson but hopefully you will move on & meet someone who you can trust & respects you *and when you find him can you see if he has a brother/friend for me *

Good luck & big hugs xx

MrsTinks

Geri - if you have missed payments on the card because he's hidden the statements then you might find the late payments have taken a while to register on your credit file or even that the missed payments are only registered on say Equifax, but the company you got a new card with uses Experian... Check your credit file on both!
If you have gotten a "blemish" on them I would seriously consider if you shouldn't report him for fraud because there is no other way you can get those taken off...

Dinah93

mcmanlyn wrote: »

omg if he was younger i'd think it was my ex!
He was in & out of jobs (mostly out) when he didn't work he did all the cleaning & things - which at the time I thought was okay! He left jobs simply because he was bored/didn't like them!? Leaving me to pay all the bills & run up the huge debts that I still have now!
He stole money from me, let me lend him money to make the payments on his debts...then didn't pay them off & just got drunk on the money...cheated on me, hid debt letters from me, he even pretended to go to work when he'd quit already!!! I had to do some serious digging to find him out!

When I finally came to my senses I kicked him out & wanted to hear no more from him! I was left with 2 loans, 2 credit cards & a whopping overdraft which all came to about £17k. It was all in my name coz his credit was so bad...
I didn't really care about taking it all on thou - I see it as my punishment for being such a fool for all those years! And I knew I couldn't have kept in touch to get money back without falling back into his trap.

My advice is to get out now Geri! If he can do all that behind your back, it shows you can't trust him Think about how much you care for him - you'd never have dreamt of doing anything of the sort would you?
It's a harsh & sad lesson but hopefully you will move on & meet someone who you can trust & respects you *and when you find him can you see if he has a brother/friend for me *

Good luck & big hugs xx

I had this ex too. Right down to the level of debt (see signiture). He got through about 10 jobs in 2 years, some he lasted a day at, most about a fortnight, a couple he stuck at for 2-3 months. The money always vanished on videogames and weed when he had it though, and I got into debt regardless. I let him get away with it for 2 1/2 years, until I became friends with an amazing man (my now fiance) and realised not all men are like this.

brownbabygirl

excellent advice from mcmanlyn and Dinah.

OP, please wake up now to what he is doing to you and can do to you. £800 is a very small price to pay to get shot of him!!!