Boyfriend been using my credit card

Pee

If you haven't been out with someone who earned more than you since then, have a think about why this is. Neither me or my sister are looking for a man who earns more than us because of an argument we overheard our parents have at an impressionable age - bless them, about the only one they did have, hence I suppose why it affected us so much - that makes us think the person with the money in the relationship has the control. This was in my sub conscious and I split up with one boyfriend because he was earning considerably more than me. He was a lovely lad and thought the world of me, so in practise, I think that relationship would have been equal. I have finally seen that it doesn't have to be that way and my current boyfriend earns roughly the same as I do, possibly slightly more. I had some self esteem issues and the boyfriend who stole from me, I did secretly think was too good for me at the time. Is that an issue for you - you don't have to answer, just think about and maybe look into some reading or course that might help if it is so... or tell me I'm miles off the mark!

geri1965_2

Pee, I don't know...some times I have low self esteem, but other times I am quite self confident. I am good at mu job, people tell me I'm attractive, blah blah...

Anyway, just got a phone call saying he is on the way back, with cheque in hand. This will help my bank balance, but does nothing to help the pain in my heart.

nearlyrich

ginvzt wrote: »

Ok, I trust my OH, but he still doesn't know any of my pin codes! And, I have different pin codes for all my cards..

Me too, I know my DH would never nick my money or me his but the t's and c's on accounts say don't tell anyone your PIN so we don't.

Also OP it's not a crime if you disclose the PIN to a third party so the police won't be interested if you report him.

ladypinkof66

i symphathise with op i was with a man for 5 years a few years back the 1st 3 years he worked paid his way etc etc lived with me in my house - however things started to go wrong he lost his job and began taking money from my account - same as poster whereby on some occasions i would ask him to get money out for me - he would get up in the middle of the night without me knowing go to the cashpoint and withdraw money, he even tore cheques out of my cheque book at the back so i would not notice and gave them to people for cash. i also never received any statements they all seemed to have got lost in post.
After approx 2 years i found out he was heavily into drugs, the first 3 years i am certain he was clean however he started selling everything in my house, i would come home from work and things would be gone, some made up story as to where it was, being repaired etc. i thought i was in love with this man didnt want to be on my own, in all the times he abused my bank account not once did i have any phone call from the bank. eventually i came to my senses i threw him out it was a hard thing to do, i owed a total of £18000 !!!! half of this was on my bank accounts and credit cards, i decided not to report him - stupid i was at the time anyway i sold my house, had to move into rented housing and managed to pay off all the debts. 9 years on i have rebuilt my credit, have met a wonderful man and now been married 8 weeks, Op please dont waste your time with this man he wont change he will only drag you down and you will go on to meet someone worthy of you and you will look back like i do now and wonder whatever you see in them. My dad always told me a Man is not a Man if he has to take money off a woman. Most men would not treat you like this. You may feel like a doormat I did too but you need to be strong and move on.
I do hope everything works out for you, I truly understand how you must be feeling but I am so pleased now that i managed to get the guts to get rid.

Pee

I'm glad he is paying the money back. He's doing the proper thing. That is a good start. What are you going to do next?

(I'm glad to hear that you sound slightly modest but not lacking in self esteem!)

geri1965_2

I have the cheque now, and he has agreed to move out on Monday. We are on civil terms.

carolinosourus

Dinah93 wrote: »

The money always vanished on videogames and weed when he had it though, and I got into debt regardless.

Why is it ALWAYS videogames and weed? That sounds like my ex too!

Honestly, men! *blows a raspberry and rolls eyes*

Lotus-eater

carolinosourus wrote: »

Why is it ALWAYS videogames and weed? That sounds like my ex too!

Honestly, men! *blows a raspberry and rolls eyes*

I can't allow myself to play video games tbh, I get a little too into it and can play a good game for ever, I just dare not do it, I think it's just built into some men.

I don't do weed though.

carolinosourus

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I can't allow myself to play video games tbh, I get a little too into it and can play a good game for ever, I just dare not do it, I think it's just built into some men.

At least you're mature enough to figure that out! I don't think some men ever get to the stage that you're at, so congrats! No weed but here's some :beer:!

sarymclary

My ex did this. He took a credit card I didn't use, but had been given with a new bank account. He found the letter I had got with the PIN number. Even I didn't know the PIN number. I had no idea he'd taken my card, until my sister-in-law's boyfriend called me to say he'd seen the card my ex was using, and it had my name on it. We were going through a rough patch at the time. Ex was drinking heavily, and I'd asked him to go stay with his family to sort himself out, as it wasn't safe to have him around our 2 young kids.

When i rang the bank to tell them I was given 2 choices. I could report it as stolen, and not be liable for the debt, but next time my ex would be arrested and charged with fraud and theft, and they would seek to recover the money from him. Or, I could not report it as stolen, take responsibility for the debt, but the next time he put the card into an ATM it would just get swallowed. I chose the latter. I had no idea if my marriage was going to work out, and him having a criminal record would have affected his chances of working in certain industries. As it turned out he did turn himself around the year after, and for a few years things were fine, but he started drinking again, and we separated again. He died during that separation, due to the effects of his alcoholism.

Too many alarm bells are going off in my head re. your BF to make me believe that he will be 100% trustworthy in the future. If it's within you to steal from someone you are supposed to love above all others, then that's about as low as you can go, and a definite no-no.