Best contraception? 28 no more children!

ceridwen

Spendless wrote: »

AFAIK some of , if not all these questions are fetched up at counselling which you are referred to when you ask to be sterilised. You are also asked 'what if your child/ren were to die'. The reason being they want you to be 100% sure that regardless of what life throws at you, you never want another child.

I cant speak for any counsellors other than the Marie Stopes one I saw. My "session" with one was just telling me how the procedure was going to be done/what I would feel like (physically) afterwards/showing me the type of clips they use to clip the "tubes"/I signed the form and handed over the cheque...end of...

They realised that I would obviously have thought through all possible aspects myself before I booked up in the first place. I was only in my 20s/had reasonable enough looks (at that time:rolleyes:) that I would have easily enough been able to find a husband for myself to be any prospective infants' father if that was what I wanted/etc - but I had already spent years wishing I didnt have to be on the Pill and knowing that I faced the thought of having to stay on it constantly until my 50s and that I didnt intend to have children EVER (even if I married a rich man - so money wouldnt have been one of the factors I had in mind anymore). I just didnt want children EVER full stop no matter what. Others will have had bad birth experiences/not be able to afford children or another child as the case may be/would like a child if it turned up "gift-wrapped" at Day 1 - but couldnt face giving birth in the first place ....whatever the reason or reasons someone doesnt intend to have children/more children - it should be assumed by all medical professionals that the person concerned has had the sense to think through all the: suppose any existing children die (not very likely - its only happened to one person I know)/suppose I win the Lottery (yeh - right)/etc.

No-one seems to ask others why they WANT children and suggest that maybe they should think again - its regarded as unacceptable. In that case - its equally unacceptable to ask people why they dont want children.

To O.P. and DKLY - the time WILL come - and its not very far away now - when no-one will make these intrusive comments any longer (well - only a very small percentage of people equating to the very small percentage that still makes racist or sexist remarks now). It will soon be "non-p.c." for people to make these intrusive remarks - I estimate that by 10 years from now it will be widely regarded as socially unacceptable to make intrusive remarks that could be construed as putting pressure on people to have children - I wish it had been considered "non-p.c." in my "childbearing days" - but I will be glad for younger people when that day comes and they no longer have to put up with these remarks. In fact - I think we might hasten the day when it is accepted as being non-p.c. to make these remarks by replying to any of them along the lines of "I know you mean well (huh!) - but had you realised that it could be construed as a form of bullying to say that?" (as in - bullying people into having children). Bullying - in the sense that the word is commonly used at present - has now become a standard way of referring to nasty words/actions in the workplace - only one step to go to have people realise that its bullying to try verbally hassling people about having children.

EDIT: Re the recent comment about "six weeks" of being laid-up after female sterilisation - I guess that was down to personal circumstances/health of poster?? - as I was back at work the following week and in fact felt a bit self-indulgent almost at taking the rest of the week off work after the Op. The only "medical" residue I noticed after that was I think (from memory) that it might have possibly taken another week or two for my stomach to go back down to flat (after the gas that gets pumped in as part of the general anaesthetic I chose) and I had to have those stitches taken out a coupla weeks later. But I felt fine of myself. Looks-wise - I have to peer VERY closely indeed at my stomach to spot any sign of scarring - wheres my magnifying glass in fact?

DKLS

ceridwen wrote: »

To O.P. and DKLY - the time WILL come - and its not very far away now - when no-one will make these intrusive comments any longer (well - only a very small percentage of people equating to the very small percentage that still makes racist or sexist remarks now). It will soon be "non-p.c." for people to make these intrusive remarks - I estimate that by 10 years from now it will be widely regarded as socially unacceptable to make intrusive remarks that could be construed as putting pressure on people to have children - I wish it had been considered "non-p.c." in my "childbearing days" - but I will be glad for younger people when that day comes and they no longer have to put up with these remarks. In fact - I think we might hasten the day when it is accepted as being non-p.c. to make these remarks by replying to any of them along the lines of "I know you mean well (huh!) - but had you realised that it could be construed as a form of bullying to say that?" (as in - bullying people into having children). Bullying - in the sense that the word is commonly used at present - has now become a standard way of referring to nasty words/actions in the workplace - only one step to go to have people realise that its bullying to try verbally hassling people about having children.

I distinctly hope so Ceridwen the comments do get tiring.

There seems to be this belief that for most women pregnancy and child birth are the most wonderful things and any pain/anguish is all forgotten once the babe is in your arms, and they are for some women, but others including a colleague of mine, who from the moment she became pregnant her life was a nightmare and some births that have been described to me are worse than any horror film:eek:. My colleague was very traumatised for many years after the birth of her baby, she nearly died 4 times during it and was finally diagnosed and received treatment for PTSD.

gratefulforhelp_2

Sarahlou wrote: »

Hi!

Not patroising at all. We are definately minds made up for various reasons. Yep I know I sound "weird", "strange" and "selfish" (i've been called them all ) but that's life!

No, I definitely do not think any of those things, and it is entirely each person's own business. Its amazing how many people think how many kids you have is public business and up for discussion, including my ex boss...hence the "ex" :rotfl:

gratefulforhelp_2

ceridwen wrote: »

Howsomever - as long as 'tis done either way. I'm surprised to see a "you might change your mind" comment coming up again later in the thread - message to O.P. "try not to 'clobber' them for that" - I really do find incredibly difficult to see why people have the nerve to come out with that comment time and time again - when, in reverse, its not considered acceptable to say "you'll change your mind" back in the reverse direction to those who say they want children. Come on people play fair - either both sides are allowed to say "you'll change your mind" to someone who has pronounced what they personally intend to do - or neither is - which is it? I personally just spent some years "blocking my ears" to those who dared to comment to the effect that I might want children later and just thought to myself "well - you've just told me what to think about you personally by saying that" - but some people might be hurt and/or swayed in their decisions by the "you might want children later interferers" and I think its seriously out of order for comments like that to be made. I do people the credit of believing that they mean what they say - and I think its the least anyone can do for someone else.:mad:

What part of "I had a traumatic labour and dont want to go through it again" do the "you'll change your mind" brigade find difficult to understand?:mad::mad: Poor woman has probably been through hell and back - one should sympathise with her....

I think there is a difference between saying a person may change their mind later, and name calling because someone has chosen to remain child-free, or to stop at one (or two, or three).

The reason I suggested the OP may want to hold fire is that I know several people who have suffered a traumatic birth, and later tried for, and conceived another child. Now, clearly, these people are not the OP, and I don't know the OP. However, to suggest she may want to delay permanent change to her/her OH's fertility is not part of a value judgement, but a real wish to help her avoid a decision she may regret.
Only she can decide what is right for her, obviously.

I don't think suggesting she change her mind is an attack on people who want to limit their fertility. Actually, I think it is an immensely responsible thing to do, and far better than the alternative/s.

becky_rtw

ceridwen - thanks for your posts - I really want to be sterilised but didnt realise that Marie Stopes did it as an option - my gp wont even entertain the idea as I'm too young apparently (I'm 27)...better start saving

UKTigerlily

Is there anywhere like Marie Stopes that do Hysterectomy? I want that done without having to go through the GP asap & sterilisation wouldn't be right for me sadly or i'd be straight down there!

ceridwen

becky_rtw wrote: »

ceridwen - thanks for your posts - I really want to be sterilised but didnt realise that Marie Stopes did it as an option - my gp wont even entertain the idea as I'm too young apparently (I'm 27)...better start saving

Oh yes they do - and the question of your age wont even arise. They must HAVE a lower age limit - but I would imagine its 18. Certainly - as you doubtless noted - I was in my 20s at the time. When it comes to the NHS - I obviously started by asking my GP to have this on the NHS and got refused. I asked for the reason and it seemed (from memory) to boil down to they had/probably still have some sort of mathematical equation - which is along the lines of the older you are the less children you need to have to have it accepted that you've "finished your family" and dont want any more. As I recall - I would have had to have had 2 or 3 children at least - however old I was - to have a chance of having the Op. on the NHS. To which I replied - "how do I manage that then - as I've finished my family already - at nil children - as I'm not going to have any ever?". There didnt seem to be an answer to that one. I then tried the tack of "It'll save the NHS money - not to mention the rest of the Welfare State - if they just pay out this one-off expense now". That didnt work either.

At that point I went and asked Nuffield Hospitals how much it would cost. The response boiled down to "Even we will put you through a bit of hassle to get the Op. - like involving your doctor in agreeing or something" (I cant recall the details of exactly what the hassle was going to be - a manageable level as I recall - but I didnt want any hassle at all) and quoted me the price they would charge me :eek: - RATHER a way beyond my finances I do remember....

Then I spotted the advert from Marie Stopes - and, bingo, absolutely no unnecessary hassle whatsoever. I just said I wanted it and they got out a diary to book me the appointment and the price was affordable. I've never wondered for one minute whether I was right to do it or no - I'm quite convinced I was right to do so.

Becky - if you want to send me a P.M. with any queries - you're welcome to do so.

Re saving - if you're right on the doorstep of a suitable clinic for this and not bothered about having a local anaesthetic - bargain on £1,300. If you need to spend on transport and an overnight stay in the vicinity afterwards (as I did) then it will cost more - I do recall they said that I must stay overnight nearby afterwards, as I had come from a distance (but then - they dont check - so I see no reason myself why you shouldnt travel back home that same day - as long as you are ferried from door-to-door and YOU arent the one doing any driving). I presume they still offer the option of paying a little extra and having a general anaesthetic if one wishes? So - I would say you need to bargain on somewhere between £1,300 - £2,000 (dependant on how many miscellaneous costs you have on top of the basic charge). Do remember that its not a good idea to try lifting any luggage yourself for a while after the operation - I had to have my companion lift my luggage around for me (as I recall - they insisted on this - and it felt necessary anyway).

I felt a bit "fragile" for a couple of days after the operation myself - but perfectly bearable. I just took the rest of the week off and generally took it a little bit easier for a couple of weeks after the Op. myself - being young and healthy at the time (that would obviously depend a bit on the person concerned - so might vary for others).

Good luck.

ceridwen

UKTigerlily wrote: »

Is there anywhere like Marie Stopes that do Hysterectomy? I want that done without having to go through the GP asap & sterilisation wouldn't be right for me sadly or i'd be straight down there!

I'm afraid I dont know the answer to that.

Hysterectomy is quite a major operation - so a very different ballgame to this. In my own personal experience (I cant speak for everyone) sterilisation was a pretty minor thing - that may be different for others of course.

I'm afraid I really dont know about that question - and I'm not medically qualified to know the best options for people in that respect anyway - so I really wouldnt want to get involved in that.

Hope things work out for you okay one way or another.

becky_rtw

ceridwen wrote: »

Oh yes they do - and the question of your age wont even arise. They must HAVE a lower age limit - but I would imagine its 18. Certainly - as you doubtless noted - I was in my 20s at the time. When it comes to the NHS - I obviously started by asking my GP to have this on the NHS and got refused. I asked for the reason and it seemed (from memory) to boil down to they had/probably still have some sort of mathematical equation - which is along the lines of the older you are the less children you need to have to have it accepted that you've "finished your family" and dont want any more. As I recall - I would have had to have had 2 or 3 children at least - however old I was - to have a chance of having the Op. on the NHS. To which I replied - "how do I manage that then - as I've finished my family already - at nil children - as I'm not going to have any ever?". There didnt seem to be an answer to that one. I then tried the tack of "It'll save the NHS money - not to mention the rest of the Welfare State - if they just pay out this one-off expense now". That didnt work either.

At that point I went and asked Nuffield Hospitals how much it would cost. The response boiled down to "Even we will put you through a bit of hassle to get the Op. - like involving your doctor in agreeing or something" (I cant recall the details of exactly what the hassle was going to be - a manageable level as I recall - but I didnt want any hassle at all) and quoted me the price they would charge me :eek: - RATHER a way beyond my finances I do remember....

Then I spotted the advert from Marie Stopes - and, bingo, absolutely no unnecessary hassle whatsoever. I just said I wanted it and they got out a diary to book me the appointment and the price was affordable. I've never wondered for one minute whether I was right to do it or no - I'm quite convinced I was right to do so.

Becky - if you want to send me a P.M. with any queries - you're welcome to do so.

Re saving - if you're right on the doorstep of a suitable clinic for this and not bothered about having a local anaesthetic - bargain on £1,300. If you need to spend on transport and an overnight stay in the vicinity afterwards (as I did) then it will cost more - I do recall they said that I must stay overnight nearby afterwards, as I had come from a distance (but then - they dont check - so I see no reason myself why you shouldnt travel back home that same day - as long as you are ferried from door-to-door and YOU arent the one doing any driving). I presume they still offer the option of paying a little extra and having a general anaesthetic if one wishes? So - I would say you need to bargain on somewhere between £1,300 - £2,000 (dependant on how many miscellaneous costs you have on top of the basic charge). Do remember that its not a good idea to try lifting any luggage yourself for a while after the operation - I had to have my companion lift my luggage around for me.

I felt a bit "fragile" for a couple of days after the operation myself - but perfectly bearable. I just took the rest of the week off and generally took it a little bit easier for a couple of weeks after the Op. myself - being young and healthy at the time (that would obviously depend a bit on the person concerned - so might vary for others).

Good luck.

Exactly my problem at wanting nil children also!!!

Well I'll have to wait a little while as I'm in training for the next marathon in April but its common to take a month off afterwards anyway to recover so I could look at fitting the op in then!

That would also give me the time to save £1300 - which is a serious amount of money to me but soooo worth it imo! :D

Thanks for opening my eyes to this option - going to go away and research the op etc and think about it carefully :cool:, will pm you if any q's come up

Sorry OP for hijacking your thread!

Spendless

ceridwen wrote: »

I cant speak for any counsellors other than the Marie Stopes one I saw. My "session" with one was just telling me how the procedure was going to be done/what I would feel like (physically) afterwards/showing me the type of clips they use to clip the "tubes"/I signed the form and handed over the cheque...end of...

They realised that I would obviously have thought through all possible aspects myself before I booked up in the first place. I was only in my 20s/had reasonable enough looks (at that time:rolleyes:) that I would have easily enough been able to find a husband for myself to be any prospective infants' father if that was what I wanted/etc - but I had already spent years wishing I didnt have to be on the Pill and knowing that I faced the thought of having to stay on it constantly until my 50s and that I didnt intend to have children EVER (even if I married a rich man - so money wouldnt have been one of the factors I had in mind anymore). I just didnt want children EVER full stop no matter what. Others will have had bad birth experiences/not be able to afford children or another child as the case may be/would like a child if it turned up "gift-wrapped" at Day 1 - but couldnt face giving birth in the first place ....whatever the reason or reasons someone doesnt intend to have children/more children - it should be assumed by all medical professionals that the person concerned has had the sense to think through all the: suppose any existing children die (not very likely - its only happened to one person I know)/suppose I win the Lottery (yeh - right)/etc.

No-one seems to ask others why they WANT children and suggest that maybe they should think again - its regarded as unacceptable. In that case - its equally unacceptable to ask people why they dont want children.

to nasty words/actions in the workplace - only one step to go to have people realise that its bullying to try verbally hassling people about having children.

How would they have realised if they didn't ask? Just cos you had gone there in the first place you mean? I put 'AFAIK' cos the women who have told me these questions are asked are the ones whose husband have had the snip. No one has ever told me what if any questions are asked when a female is sterlilised (and I've never asked), I just thought it would be the same for both.

To me it makes sense to make sure someone is absolutely certain that they don't want any/any more kids before letting them go thru a medical procedure.

Whilst I agree that no one seems to ask people why they WANT a child, I've certainly known people question about the sensibility in having ANOTHER child.