Best contraception? 28 no more children!

Sarahlou_2

ceridwen wrote: »

It really does make more sense for it to be the man who "does the deed" - ie sterilisation - rather than the woman. Much easier thing for them and much cheaper - as DKLY says - about £400, rather than about £1300. £400 is a financial "walk in the park" for most of us - but £1300 is a bit more difficult to get (though still well within financial reach of most people).

Howsomever - as long as 'tis done either way. I'm surprised to see a "you might change your mind" comment coming up again later in the thread - message to O.P. "try not to 'clobber' them for that" - I really do find incredibly difficult to see why people have the nerve to come out with that comment time and time again - when, in reverse, its not considered acceptable to say "you'll change your mind" back in the reverse direction to those who say they want children. Come on people play fair - either both sides are allowed to say "you'll change your mind" to someone who has pronounced what they personally intend to do - or neither is - which is it? I personally just spent some years "blocking my ears" to those who dared to comment to the effect that I might want children later and just thought to myself "well - you've just told me what to think about you personally by saying that" - but some people might be hurt and/or swayed in their decisions by the "you might want children later interferers" and I think its seriously out of order for comments like that to be made. I do people the credit of believing that they mean what they say - and I think its the least anyone can do for someone else.:mad:

What part of "I had a traumatic labour and dont want to go through it again" do the "you'll change your mind" brigade find difficult to understand?:mad::mad: Poor woman has probably been through hell and back - one should sympathise with her....

Hi,

Thank you, that's so supportive. Another favourite "oh you'll forget all about it". Er no, 4 years on and I still have nightmares! And if I smell that cleaning fluid they use in hospital I throw up all over the show :rotfl:

ceridwen

Sarahlou wrote: »

Hi,

Thank you, that's so supportive. Another favourite "oh you'll forget all about it". Er no, 4 years on and I still have nightmares! And if I smell that cleaning fluid they use in hospital I throw up all over the show :rotfl:

You're welcome.

Hope you've found some useful info all round in the various replies in the thread. As I said - you're welcome to P.M. me if you have any queries I can help with.

I've never gone through giving birth myself - but it sounds pretty gruesome to me at the best of times. I've read some really horrible accounts of what some women have gone through though - and thought that you might well be one of them - in which case I would thoroughly understand why you dont want to risk that again.

But I'll echo DKLY - from the female viewpoint this time - but, coward as I am about these things - my visit to Marie Stopes really was relatively painless in every sense of the word:
- saw their details
- phoned up and booked an appointment on the phone within the month(as I was coming from a distance it was arranged that I combined the short "what its about" talk and form-signing/paying)
- got there on the day with companion
- waited in waiting room till I was called
- went in: local anaesthetic needle in hand
- next thing I knew (courtesy of having opted for general anaesthetic) I was coming round an hour or so later with a bit of a sore throat and feeling slightly "kicked in the stomach" - as they had told me I would
- left the Clinic a couple of hours later
- JOB DONE
- just needed to visit my doctor to get him to remove the stitches (as they werent dissolvable type). He didnt "bother his head" about it - he just removed the stitches - but its always possible to get them removed somewhere else if need be and the doctor neednt even know about it.
- took rest of the week as sick leave to recover a bit (it wouldnt even have been necessary to tell my employer - I could just have said it was a weeks holiday).
- end of story and "everyone lived happily ever after"....

ceridwen

DKLS wrote: »

Glad I made you chuckle, I didnt really hurt him, I swung from the main road into the entrance to the Marie Stopes clinic, and was shocked to find some guy holding a huge colour poster of an aborted foetus, I slammed on, he put his hands on the bonnet and fell over. On entering I shared the waiting room with a number of young women, who were obviously terrified about the termination, yet had to face those idiots on the way in. :mad:
When doing my research I found a pro-life video on Youtube, advising women diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy not to have a termination, as "their research" proved, that you could carry to term quite safely :mad::mad::mad: I have never heard of anything more stupid in all my life.

Going back to others comments, since I announced I am getting married in february to my dearest fianc!e, this has prompted a barrage of advice on when is best for me to have children and "how they will be the making of me".
I think I will have to attend all family and work do's from now on wearing a huge badge advising "Jaffa and proud of it"

I rather thought the "pro-lifer" had probably been deliberately standing there blocking the way...:rolleyes: I've read about some pretty awful tactics used by them - leastways this isnt America - where they can sometimes be very "extreme" in their tactics. I think the worst they do in Britain is deliberately block entrances to clinics. I too feel sorry for those they are hassling with these tactics - who will range from "worrry...worry....medical procedure to go through" (which would be bad enough and I could empathise with even someone who felt like that - as that would be my own personal feelings if I had ever been in that position) through to people who were actually really upset about it but had no choice for one reason or another. These people are VERY VERY out of order in their tactics - its not acceptable for them even to stand there quietly at the side of the road with a poster saying nothing - but I gather they can be rather more "aggressive" than that. Having said that - I've never seen any sign of them anywhere - and I doubt they are often around making a nuisance of themselves. I was only sitting there today thinking "if I lived anywhere near any of these clinics and saw these people there hassling some poor person walking in - I would go and join that person and walk in with them to support them - even if they were a total stranger to me." I would not stand by and watch these people harangue ANYONE in front of me - I would be in there supporting the poor person on the receiving end of the Hassle - but thats me - if I see someone "in trouble" in the street I'm in there helping them ...

DKLS

ceridwen wrote: »

I rather thought the "pro-lifer" had probably been deliberately standing there blocking the way...:rolleyes: I've read about some pretty awful tactics used by them - leastways this isnt America - where they can sometimes be very "extreme" in their tactics. I think the worst they do in Britain is deliberately block entrances to clinics. I too feel sorry for those they are hassling with these tactics - who will range from "worrry...worry....medical procedure to go through" (which would be bad enough and I could empathise with even someone who felt like that - as that would be my own personal feelings if I had ever been in that position) through to people who were actually really upset about it but had no choice for one reason or another. These people are VERY VERY out of order in their tactics - its not acceptable for them even to stand there quietly at the side of the road with a poster saying nothing - but I gather they can be rather more "aggressive" than that. Having said that - I've never seen any sign of them anywhere - and I doubt they are often around making a nuisance of themselves. I was only sitting there today thinking "if I lived anywhere near any of these clinics and saw these people there hassling some poor person walking in - I would go and join that person and walk in with them to support them - even if they were a total stranger to me." I would not stand by and watch these people harangue ANYONE in front of me - I would be in there supporting the poor person on the receiving end of the Hassle - but thats me - if I see someone "in trouble" in the street I'm in there helping them ...

The pro lifer was in the middle of the entrance with his buddies, with hindsight its a shame I didn't drive my Ohs car at the time as I might have done him some permanent damage.

The way they spoke to me they assumed I can only assume they thought I was a Doctor, or Doctor Death as they named me.
TBH when I was at in the waiting room and after speaking to the reception staff, I was more outraged at their behaviour, regardless what you think of the morals of termination, its down to one persons choice and thats hard enough to do as it is without pro lifers interfering and judging.

I can fully understand your protective instinct, I felt the same but also felt handicapped as a man, I really didnt knwo what I could possibly say to help any of the young women waiting so obviosly in distress.

All I could do was vent my spleen when I left the building.

Sadly when I went for a check up a week later the same idiots where there. I worked nearby for a year and noticed they were fair weather pro lifers, so if anyone is considering a termination at the Leeds branch of Marie Stopes, try to have an appt on a rainy day and you can avoid these people who will make an impossible decision even harder that it should be.

tiamai_d

I shouldn't even post, my 3 were 'little surprises'. But I will cos I'm like that

I fell pregnant on the pill twice. First time I did miss a lot so it was no great suprise. Second time we tried for a baby for 18months nothing happened, 4 months on the pill, taking it correctly I might add, and I was pregnant. Very traumatic birth (pre-eclampsia and abruption that ended in an emergency section at 33 weeks, seriously ill for a long time afterwards and DS2 is disabled because of it). Was advised not to have any more children (I had pre-eclampsia in my first pregnancy also) and my GP reccomended the minera after I tried the depo and it made me ill.

I have no idea how or when the minera came out (or even if it did, it's not in my uterus atleast) but January I discovered I was pregnant.

March DH went for the snip, his decision. We will have to use condoms untill he gets the 'all clear' but this thread made me wonder... what would I pick if DH hadn't had the snip?

I have no idea! Not the pill, or depo, or a coil. Probably just cold showers and condoms.

You are better off speaking to a family planning clinic or your GP and hopefully finding something to suit you.

Spendless

ceridwen wrote: »

Another "you might change your mind" comment:mad:. Why dont people leave the O.P. alone - rather than attacking her in this fashion? - because an attack is precisely what it is when someone comes out with a "you might change your mind" comment to a person who has said they have decided no children/no more children as the case might be. Some of us are very decisive people - not forever changing our mind to and fro and this might well include O.P.

The answer to that post is there anyway in the original post by O.P. - ie she had a traumatic birth with her first one and that is one of the reasons she doesnt intend to have another child - money wouldnt protect her from the same happening again if she were to have another one. A lottery winner could afford the best medical care in the world - but still have an awful experience.

Anyway - lets face it...realistically what are the chances of winning the lottery?

AFAIK some of , if not all these questions are fetched up at counselling which you are referred to when you ask to be sterilised. You are also asked 'what if your child/ren were to die'. The reason being they want you to be 100% sure that regardless of what life throws at you, you never want another child.

mum26

My dp has had the snip - BEST THING EVER!

Really it was such a minor procedure, he didn't need anything stronger than paracetamol once the local had worn off, bit of bruising (which he kept showing me! I didn't whip my war wounds out the wimp ) and he was good to go again within the week Had a huge effect on my libido too, which was the major plus for him I think, lol!

tiamai_d

Sarahlou wrote: »

Hi,

Thank you, that's so supportive. Another favourite "oh you'll forget all about it". Er no, 4 years on and I still have nightmares! And if I smell that cleaning fluid they use in hospital I throw up all over the show :rotfl:

Do you have post traumatic stress? I broke down a year after I had DS2, had been keeping it all bottled up, flashbacks, nightmares, the replaying it over and over again, asking what if I had been at home/supermarket/work... Then my marriage broke down and it was only at couple counselling that PTSD was mentioned and I finally started to get better slowly.

My favourite is 'oh just be grateful that you and baby are ok'. Well gosh, do you not think I already feel !!!!!! enough already that I can't just be thankful? Ha, then we found out that baby wasn't ok and the 'special' comments started.

People don't think.

claireac

I have the mirena coil fitted. Only had it done this year after going to see my gp about sterilisation, she said it was an easier alternative. It's been fine so far!

I have to say that 8-10years ago I was totally convinced that I didn't want any more children. I had two gorgeous boys (now 18 & 20),but was in a horrendously abusive marriage and the very last thing I wanted was any more kids. Gp refused as I was in my mid/late 20's, so I just left it.

I plucked the courage up to leave xh, and several years later met my present dh (we married couple of months ago). I was totally and utterly convinced that I didn't want any more children. I'd had two terrible birth experiences, my boys were now teenagers and I had a lot of freedom. Dh and I sat down and discussed it, and we agreed. Two months later we'd both changed our minds at now we have a gorgeous 3yr old dd!!

Obviously it's your decision -but sometimes people do change their minds. It's a womans perogative :rotfl:.

beth1230

I have been on the pill ( which I took religously) and fell pregnant, tried another pill, fell pregnant, tried the depo injection you guessed it i fell pregnant and put on tons of weight ( prior to pregnancy). I then tried the Mirena coil, mmm yep fell pregnant had to have it removed and miscarried, I then tried yet another pill and 10 days before being sterilised yep you guessed it I found out I was already 8 weeks pregnant, I wouldn't change anything but I defo didn't want any more children so i gave my hubby the choice, either me being laid up for 6 weeks ( major op for sterilisation) or him get the snip, I also laid it on the line that if I had it done he would have to watch and take care of 4 children for 6 wks, also that I wouldn't sleep with him till one of us had it done, guess what he over came his fear of needles and hospitals and went the same week to book himself in to have the snip. 4 Years later i'm still pregnancy free abliet very very skint!!!!!