Relationship advice please

vodaphonesimcard

Im not a new memeber just couldnt use my usual user Id
I met my DH 16 years ago when I was 15
He is the only man ive ever kissed or slept with. We have 2 beautiful children and im a SAHM
All of my mates have had multipiul partners and most are now in proper realtionships/engaged
My DH hired a local man to do some work on our home. He made it very obvious that he liked me.
Saturday he told me he would like to sleep with me. He has a wife and child but is not happy and neither am I if i honest. DH is never romantic and comes home from work and basically watches Tv all the day.
Yesterday we were alone again and ened up having sex in my bedroom. Thats all it was sex, no emotions involved but its made me feel alive. Hes been back today and weve been upstairs twice.
I know it sounds like im trying to justify what ive done but ive always wondered what its like to just kiss another man. Dh has had partners before me but I know he wouldn never cheat. The mans due back tommorow but not after that. Part of me really wants to continue to see him simply for sex.
I dont feel able to tell DH whats happend (I dont know what would happen if I did) part of me thinks I just needed to get this out of my system. I have no regrets over what I did. Should I tell him or just keep it away from him. I know he would never imagine me to cheat.
Should I just accept that my marriage will always be loveless. I just feel trapped and young and cant imagine being like this for the next god knows how long. Please dont judge me. I know what ive dones wrong. I have no friends that I dare tell to try to chat with

GettingHitched

How would you feel if he had cheated on you?

I think (personally) that you need to take a step back and think about it. Do you REALLY want to carry on sh*gging behind your husbands back, or do you want to work through the problems in your marriage? If he is lazy towards you, is there a reason for that? can you sit him down and talk to him?

what are the chances of this "new man" telling your oh how his wife is behaving when his back is turned?

SailorSam

I don't think you should tell your hubby. What good would it do, and it would only bring more problems.
It's easy for me to say but you need to talk, to tell him how you're feeling. If you really felt there was nothing left in your marriage it would be easier if you had no kids, the way it is you have them to consider.
Yes i think you need to talk and try and be honest tell him you want to spice things up. perhaps weekend breaks alone, or even the things you did as kids, going the fair; bike rides; picnics.

londoner1998

Hello there
ufff... I understand your predicament. I am not sure what to suggest, other than you really need to weigh in whether telling your husband will do any good at all. It might hurt him terribly and damage your relationship irreparably. Give yourslef a bit of time before you tell him, if you decide to.
Is it true that you are in a loveless marriage? Or is it routine and the boring day to day stuff that has got between you both? I can understand though that is you have oly been with your husband, you might need to know what it feels like with another man. How old are you? I don' believe anybody should be in a loveless marriage. But I also think it can seem like that when we don't make enough effort to inject romance and excitement into it (both of you). I have been there, but I would never be able to be with another man. Which doesn't mean I don't understand you. Do you feel neglected? Just two weeks ago a friend was telling me he felt like being with someone else (he is a bloke, but has been with his boyfriend for ten years)- he said it was pure physical urge, but wouldn't want to hurt his boyfriend... he is dealing with a bereavement and feel the spark has gone, but not the love. We discussed whether a quickie would do, to just get it out of the way without telling his oh. Probably not the most ethical/morally correct decision, but he really felt as stuck as you are now. A month later, things have changed in his life and he is a new man. He never went with anybody else. He is dealing with his life problems.
Sex is at the core of life and is necessary for a happy marriage. Why don't you just take your time, think about what would you like to do, start taking care of yourself and go out a bit more? One thing I would do is to stop seeing this man, if you get caught the repercussions can be devastating for everybody and there are children involved. Give yourself time to think and get clear about what you want/need. Whatever you do, don't rush , think carefully, becasue there might be no way back. ..
Good luck, and don't worry- you are not being judged. You are just human just like everybody else.

continualdiamond

Wow.....

Well firstly define a proper relationship? I consider mine to be a proper relationship, but most might not. Been with my OH since i was 18, im now 27 and he's the only person i have kissed and slept with and unless we split up, it will stay that way. We live together and are technically engaged, i use the word technically as we sold my engagment ring last year when he was out of work as we needed money more than i needed an engagment ring.

I've never wondered what it would be like to have more experience of kissing/sleeping with more than 1 person, but thats because this issue doesn't concern me. I am not bothered in the slightest that i've only been with 1 person, nor am i bothered what others might think of that.

Just because someone isn't romantic in the way you'd like them to be or watches tv all day to me at least doesn't justify cheating on them. You either love them or you don't.

My OH isn't romantic in the way we all think men should be, have we ever had a candle lit dinner, no, has he ever sent me flowers, no, does it matter to me, no, because he does other things to show me he loves me and thats who he is. My OH comes home from work and watches tv, but he's tired, he's not going to come home and want to talk for hours, he's a man, they don't like that.

Do we chat over dinner, yea. Im not saying he's perfect, sure he bugs me, but i know i bug him, its a relatioship, its what happens.

Im just saying, that the reasons you gave to me at least don't warrant me doing what you did. Id never forgive myself and i certaintly couldn't act the same, my OH would pick up on it right away.

Why should you accept that your marriage will always be loveless, if you don't love him, leave.

Barneysmom

I'm with all above but please say you used condoms

Glen0000

I have only ever slept with my wife, but it doesn't bother me as we have a really good sex life. Maybe your hubby is bored too. Have you tried spicing things up a bit?

Are you out of love with hubby or out of lust? There is a difference.

vodaphonesimcard

im soon to be 32 and yes we used protection
If I found out DH had cheated on me id take the kids and get out
We dont have anyone to have the kids for us to get away. His job is not secure nor is he happy in it. I look after the kids, serve him dinner etc.
I kow he loves me but its just like were here together cause thats all weve ever known. I think if I felt guilty id feel better. Id nenver admit to my friends what ive done. Theys ee a car,kid and nice house and think were happy. He would never tell DH what happened nor would he ever tell his partner. Ive recently lost a stone and felt vert flattered by it all. Sounds bad I know but its soared my confidence. Im not sex mad honest but more than once every 2 weeks would be great.

Debt_Free_Chick

vodaphonesimcard wrote: »

Should I just accept that my marriage will always be loveless. I just feel trapped and young and cant imagine being like this for the next god knows how long. Please dont judge me. I know what ive dones wrong. I have no friends that I dare tell to try to chat with

This experience may just be presenting you with an opportunity to evaluate your marriage.

Clearly, it's not fully meeting your needs otherwise you wouldn't have been attracted enough to another man to have sex with him. All the more telling, IMHO, that you had not - before - kissed or had sex with another man.

You say your marriage is loveless - is it really? Or is that you need OH to show his love in a certain way? If so, have you worked out what that is? And have you imagined how you would then feel about OH if he expressed himself in the way you need?

I don't see anything to be gained by telling your OH - it would serve no purpose at all. But once you've figured out what you need from him and your marriage, you should talk to him about it. If you can both find a way for the relationship to deliver exactly what you need, then that's ideal, isn't it

Glen0000

vodaphonesimcard wrote: »

im soon to be 32 and yes we used protection
If I found out DH had cheated on me id take the kids and get out
We dont have anyone to have the kids for us to get away. His job is not secure nor is he happy in it. I look after the kids, serve him dinner etc.
I kow he loves me but its just like were here together cause thats all weve ever known. I think if I felt guilty id feel better. Id nenver admit to my friends what ive done. Theys ee a car,kid and nice house and think were happy. He would never tell DH what happened nor would he ever tell his partner. Ive recently lost a stone and felt vert flattered by it all. Sounds bad I know but its soared my confidence. Im not sex mad honest but more than once every 2 weeks would be great.

Neither do most parents.

Why is this important? Don't they go to bed?

As for only having sex twice a month is he stressed or depressed?

zippychick

vodaphonesimcard wrote: »

im soon to be 32 and yes we used protection
If I found out DH had cheated on me id take the kids and get out
We dont have anyone to have the kids for us to get away. His job is not secure nor is he happy in it. I look after the kids, serve him dinner etc.
I kow he loves me but its just like were here together cause thats all weve ever known. I think if I felt guilty id feel better. Id nenver admit to my friends what ive done. Theys ee a car,kid and nice house and think were happy. He would never tell DH what happened nor would he ever tell his partner. Ive recently lost a stone and felt vert flattered by it all. Sounds bad I know but its soared my confidence. Im not sex mad honest but more than once every 2 weeks would be great.

Sorry to say it, but this comment alone makes you a complete hypocrite. I can't understand how you don't feel any guilt?

You sound like you need a complete heart to heart with DH . Sleeping with this other man isn't the answer I'm afraid. And it's not justified just because DH was your first.