Relationship advice please

pinkshoes

vodaphonesimcard wrote: »

If I found out DH had cheated on me id take the kids and get out.

And how would you feel if your husband finds out about your infidelity, and takes the kids and leaves you? If that's what you'd do to him, chances are he'd do the same to you.

DO NOT sleep with this man again. He's blatantly playing you, and saw you as an easy target, said the right words, and hey presto he got your knickers off!

Put some energy into your marriage. MAKE it exciting. Marriages go wrong because people start taking each other for granted, and no longer making an effort.

Put the kids to bed, and put some kinky underwear on.

Serve dinner with candle light, and put a sparkler in his pudding.

Strip infront of him when he's watching TV.

When you can honestly say you've done what you can to put energy back into your marriage, and it STILL hasn't worked, then split up and go your separate ways.

But DO NOT sleep with someone else behind your husband's back.

Why not use this to try and save your marriage?

Pee

It happened and you have said yourself that you know you were wrong. You are worrying about a loveless marriage when it sounds like you have the potential for a great marriage and maybe not surprisingly the responsibilities of parenthood are dragging you down.

What do you want to change? Your OH sounds like a good hard working man, but he is not a mind reader. If you ask him, for instance, to look after the children so that you could get a part time job, will he? To my mind, that is romantic, someone trying to help you and willing to listen to what you want. Ask him to buy you flowers if that is important, and thank him, and then hopefully he will want a repeat of that reaction.

A holiday with the kids club sounds a great idea, but if your OH is working a job he hates, I guess making money rather than spending it might be a priority here at the moment. Don't leave all the wage earning to him - it's a huge pressure which means that he doesn't feel like sex - and look at how to bring love into your relationship.

woody01

Hopefully your husband will find out and kick you into touch.

If this thread was from a fella that had cheated, it would be all hands on deck for the women and it would be open season.
Also, how would your children feel if they find out that their mum is some scrubber that hoicks her skirt up for some bloke that pays her a compliment.

OP...have you ever thought that maybe your husband isn't interested is because you are nothing special to HIM?
I can certainly see the reasoning behind this if its the case.

You are now 'soiled' and ....let's face it....... mow undesireable anyway!.

Bazey

I was wanting to add something that showed some understanding of your position, unfortunately I think you should have been trying to save your marriage rather than being made to feel attractive by a “workman”.You sound like a b**ch from hell. Most peoples idea of a total nightmare. I doubt you will ever find happiness but at least a few kn**heads down the pub will have some funny stories about the bored housewife down the road who dropped her knickers straight away. And as for being made to feel alive again, by a scumbag who does this to countless other women, destroying peoples lives and relationships, cor you must be feeling very lucky and special...

Dinah93

vodaphonesimcard wrote: »

im soon to be 32 and yes we used protection
If I found out DH had cheated on me id take the kids and get out
We dont have anyone to have the kids for us to get away. His job is not secure nor is he happy in it. I look after the kids, serve him dinner etc.
I kow he loves me but its just like were here together cause thats all weve ever known. I think if I felt guilty id feel better. Id nenver admit to my friends what ive done. Theys ee a car,kid and nice house and think were happy. He would never tell DH what happened nor would he ever tell his partner. Ive recently lost a stone and felt vert flattered by it all. Sounds bad I know but its soared my confidence. Im not sex mad honest but more than once every 2 weeks would be great.

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Just to stick my tuppence in.....

Have you considered getting a work? I just though maybe having an extra wage coming in might take the financial pressure of your OH.

Secondly, u getting out of the house and mixing with adult company might get you out of a rut.

hth x

Grow up and cop on. Your husband is out there in a job he dislikes, worried about providing for his family so you can have the luxury of raising your kids and not working, and you are whinging that you are bored?! He has a miserable day so you can do what you wanted to, and you thank him by having an affair! Have you ever considered that maybe you could actually help him to be less stressed by getting a part time job. This way he doesn't feel like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and can relax a bit more, and you have something more interesting and varied to talk to him about at the end of the day than which child ate fingerpaint today. If he is less stressed, hes likely to be happier, more affectionate, and your marriage would be happier.

clarence83_2

I suggest that you need a break with your husband and try to get the spark back into things. Time alone is so important when you have kids, when it's all too easy to just become bored of each other- you see them as a cuddly dad, they see you as a great mum, but where did the initial sexual attraction go? Try and get it back rather than looking elsewhere. the man who really wants you the most is living at home.

clarence83_2

Also agree with getting a part time job to take the stress off the husband a little... good idea, shows that it is all a joint effort and you are in it together.

viktory

Dinah93 wrote: »

...and you thank him by having an affair!

This is not even an affair - it's a sordid shag with the builder. Can it get anymore cliched?

Dinah93

It's happened more than once, once is (almost) excusable as a complete lapse in judgement and neivity in not knowing how to handle a situation, but repeatedly is callous, cold and an affair.

Caroline73_2

There is no excuse for cheating EVER. If you were unhappy you should have dealt with that instead of having a multiple quickies with strangers.

Myself and my husband have been out together 5 times in 4 years. He is in a job he hates so I can be at home and care for our family. Not too different to you and your husband. These are facts not excuse to sleep with other people. How many people either of us have or haven't slept with in the past is irrelevant because we only want to sleep with each other.