How much should I charge my dd for housekeeping etc?

LittleMissAspie

Idiophreak wrote: »

Believe it or not, I was speaking to my parents the other day and they reckon my moving out has been a bit of a blow to the budget - although I only paid £200/month, I wasn't there half the time and my mum's one of these people that always cooks enough to feed an army. Heating, electricity and water (non-metered) bills haven't really changed since I left (as they're now using the room for something else). Obviously the mortgage hasn't changed because I've left...They still pay for the phone, broadband etc just the same as they did before...So, in the end, they're actually a little worse off for me not giving them my little payment each month.

Yes I don't really understand it when people say their children are costing them a third of the bills. The cost of your mortgage or TV licence doesn't go down when someone moves out, and even utilities won't go down by much.

McKneff

Aspiring wrote: »

Up to a point, I do agree with you; but, I can't help thinking, "you reap what you sow".

If the "child" has a selfish and thoughtless regard towards their parents, money, responsibility etc just how much of the blame lies at the feet of the parents in the first place?

Youre absolutely right of course and i suppose most of it is when you think about it.

Idiophreak

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

Yes I don't really understand it when people say their children are costing them a third of the bills. The cost of your mortgage or TV licence doesn't go down when someone moves out, and even utilities won't go down by much.

Well, that all depends how you view things, I suppose.

You can view it as A) "what's it costing us for johnny to be living here?", or you can view it as "johnny's living here too, why doesn't he pay the same as us".

Obviously, the mortgage is often the sticky point - I'd have been quite happy to pay 1/3 of the mortgage, but I'd have expected to end up with equity in the house, which most parents wouldn't be too thrilled about.

Personally, it's because of the point above that I never really felt I was "in shares" in the house, so was happy to stick with option A.

Poppy9

Idiophreak wrote: »

Obviously, the mortgage is often the sticky point - I'd have been quite happy to pay 1/3 of the mortgage, but I'd have expected to end up with equity in the house, which most parents wouldn't be too thrilled about.

You wouldn't seriously have expected equity in the house for paying towards your living costs while working as an adult?

If you lived in private rented accommodation you wouldn't expect your landlord to give you equity in their house as your rent has been paying the mortgage.

If my child said this to me I would be astounded by their selfishness and threaten to bill them for 18/21 years of providing a roof over their head, food in their stomach, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet and support through uni.

I lived at home for a few years while working and I expected and was happy to pay my way. My parents had done a fantastic job of providing for their 4 children and didn't deserve to still be struggling to make ends meet while adult children living at home had more disposible income than them.

Many parents go without for over 20 years to provide well for their children. To be rewarded by selfish money grabbing brats whose first thought is I'd like my whole pay packet to myself for a few months is dreadful.

It's funny how children wanted to be treated as adults but don't actually want the responsiblity that goes with it.

McKneff

Poppy9 wrote: »

You wouldn't seriously have expected equity in the house for paying towards your living costs while working as an adult?

If you lived in private rented accommodation you wouldn't expect your landlord to give you equity in their house as your rent has been paying the mortgage.

If my child said this to me I would be astounded by their selfishness and threaten to bill them for 18/21 years of providing a roof over their head, food in their stomach, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet and support through uni.

I lived at home for a few years while working and I expected and was happy to pay my way. My parents had done a fantastic job of providing for their 4 children and didn't deserve to still be struggling to make ends meet while adult children living at home had more disposible income than them.

Many parents go without for over 20 years to provide well for their children. To be rewarded by selfish money grabbing brats whose first thought is I'd like my whole pay packet to myself for a few months is dreadful.

It's funny how children wanted to be treated as adults but don't actually want the responsiblity that goes with it.

:T here here.

erichamster

Poppy9 wrote: »

If my child said this to me I would be astounded by their selfishness and threaten to bill them for 18/21 years of providing a roof over their head, food in their stomach, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet and support through uni.

Many parents go without for over 20 years to provide well for their children.

It always surprises me when people say things like this, of course parents go without to support their children, thats what parents are supposed to do! I'm sorry but if you don't want to do this then don't have children. They aren't compulsory, I've gone many years without having one to no ill effect.

Now I'm not saying grown up children living at home shouldn't pay rent, of course they should, its just the way that some people think parents should be getting their own back on their kids for the years of misery they've inflicted on them by making a bit of extra money when they come of age. Aren't you supposed to love your kids?

Personally I skipped this problem by moving out at 19 and would recommend it to anyone, living away from home is not nearly as hard as parents make out (I even developed a kind of housepride I never thought possible) and once you've gone they forget all the bad things you did and think the sun shines out of you, everyone I know's relationship with their parents vastly improved once they left home.

Poppy9

erichamster wrote: »

It always surprises me when people say things like this, of course parents go without to support their children, thats what parents are supposed to do! I'm sorry but if you don't want to do this then don't have children. They aren't compulsory, I've gone many years without having one to no ill effect.

quite honestly if you raised a child that askes for equity in the family home then there are obviously issues in the family.

As a parent I love my child dearly and would give her the world, however I don't expect to be treated as a cash cow by her. If she turns out like that I would feel I had failed in my role as a mother to raise a decent, responsible human being.

I loved my parents dearly (that's not to say I always liked the things they inflicted on me:o) and wanted to give back to them what they had given to me. Time, support, love and affection. Sadly parents died when I was in my early twenties so I had only a short time to try to repay them for all they goodness they had shown me.

erichamster wrote: »

Now I'm not saying grown up children living at home shouldn't pay rent, of course they should, its just the way that some people think parents should be getting their own back on their kids for the years of misery they've inflicted on them by making a bit of extra money when they come of age. Aren't you supposed to love your kids?

I don't think anyone has mentioned children heaping misery on them and it's not about making extra money off them. It's about raising responsible decent citizens who know how to do the right thing and adults who put others needs at least level with their own.



This is going to be more of an issue with parents delaying their families till mid thirties. One of my friends has 2 years to go before she's finished putting her children through uni. For 8 years she has supported her children through uni. Her husband is 68 and still working full time to pay the accommodation bill for his youngest child plus providing money for them to live on.

A parents love is unconditional and constant, doesn't a child feel the same love towards their parents? Are some children so ignorant that they don't see that their parents are /should be retired and not still working to support them?

erichamster wrote: »

Personally I skipped this problem by moving out at 19 and would recommend it to anyone, living away from home is not nearly as hard as parents make out (I even developed a kind of housepride I never thought possible) and once you've gone they forget all the bad things you did and think the sun shines out of you, everyone I know's relationship with their parents vastly improved once they left home.

Many leave home at 18 only to return when they finish uni.

My relationship with my parents improved when I acted and was treated like an adult. Part of this process was recognising that I should contribute to the home and in return my mother let me treat it like a hotel!:D

Poppy9

Atomised wrote: »

You honestly think that paying towards the running of a house for a couple of years should lead to having a share of equity? Ignoring solicitor's fees , house deposit etc it still sounds like an arrogant , ridiculous suggestion.
Your parents sound kind and generous but you sound like a selfish man who expects people to bend over backwards for him.

I'd love to see the look on a landlord's face if you told him your proposal...

It isn't though about the cost, it's about the attitude. To me it's such a childish arguement of "I'm paying towards the mortgage, give me a share of house" and shows absolutely no understanding of how families should work together and support one another.

The_Banker_5

Glen0000 wrote: »

I am so looking forward to being able to make love to my wife wherever and whenever I want or to share a shower, a sensual massage, without fear of a key in the door. I am sure many, many married couples feel the same.

Keep dreaming. You will probably be past it by then;)

kingfisherblue

My daughter has recently left 6th form and will study for her degree with the Open University. She is looking for work at the moment.

We have discussed how much she should pay for her keep - I can't afford to keep her without a reasonable contribution, as I am on Income Support (my middle child is disabled with complex needs and I cannot work at the moment because of this. I'm also a single mum since my ex decided to start a new family elsewhere)

We have also discussed her savings, which are currently quite low in value.

My daughter's opinion is that £50 a week from a £200 wage is very reasonable and she would be willing to pay more. However, I think that this is a fair amount. It will include her food, utilities, landline calls, broadband. She will pay her own council tax (I receive CT benefit), her own mobile phone bill, transport, clothes, etc.

She has also asked me to put part of her wage into the credit union so that she can save towards a deposit for a house, holidays, Christmas, etc. She will have no student debt, but it will take longer for her to receive a degree - but she is happy to do this.

I think the key is communication. Discussing the amount of the bills with older teenagers helps them to learn about the realities of adulthood. This doesn't mean that you should bleed them for every penny, just that as a responsible parent, you should guide them into adulthood with a healthy respect for budgeting and the true costs of running a household. My daughter doesn't find it patronising - she realises that I respect her enough to know that she is old enough to deal with this. In return, she respects the fact that I can't afford to keep her without a realistic contribution.

And if she can't find a job and has to claim JSA for a while, I will receive £15 a week from her (about 1/3 of the amount paid to 18 year olds).