How do I broach bill-splitting when dining out with friends?

PasturesNew

jfdi wrote: »

I put in my money + a £1 or so for a tip, A does the same,

You need to put down the exact money, then chuck down the tip after you've stood up and are actually leaving the table/restaurant.

PasturesNew

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

My problem is that even if I were on the strictest of budgets my own inclination would be to pay up for what I had, rounding it up to the nearest fiver to compensate for others who round down, leaving nothing for the waiting staff and sometimes not enough to cover the actual bill. That's because I hate having to go through the shame of totting everything up in front of the entire restaurant. But I accept we're not all the same and that's often what makes life so interesting

No, if you were on the strictest of budgets this would be your one of maybe two nights out in a whole year and you'd be clutching your £6.50 in your pocket having chosen tap water to drink and the basic main course only.

People on strict budgets don't have the cash to go rounding it up to the nearest fiver - I've been out many a night with just £6 to my name.

PasturesNew

Another one can be "I'll get this, you get it next time". I sometimes go out for a meal with somebody and what we eat goes something like:

Me: jug of water, biryani. £7
Them: beer, poppadums, another beer, meat curry, rice dish, other dish, another beer, coffee. £20

So I go to chuck £10 down and it's "I'll get this, you get it next time" and it's fait accompli with the plastic on the tray .... then next time it's "I got them last time, it's your turn" - bit harder to say "actually ....." about 10 months later.

tealady

If my friends expected me to subsidise them then I would make it very clear at the beginning what I will pay for. If I cannot afford something and my friends can well lucky them but I have to do without things that they have, so they must accept that I cannot afford to subsidise their lifestyle. If anyone has a problem with that then they are not friends, they are scroungers.

ceridwen

remembered_nights wrote: »

The only time this happened to me (work...) I rounded up what I'd spent, put it in the dish and said 'that's mine paid for'. I didn't care what they thought tbh, they were all on higher wages than me and had drunk a helluva lot more so that's their call.

I've done that before now - perhaps thats why I've rarely heard the mantra "lets just split the bill equally" - because I've usually beaten the "bright spark"/!!!!!!!!!! that was about to say that to it...

ie I've made sure I set the scene as to how everyone was going to pay - before said "bright spark" had the chance..:D

I think that is the clue to dealing with this all round - either to state in advance "we'll each need to pay for our own" or, as a second alternative, be "quick off the draw" and be the person who announces how the bill will be dealt with (ie "here's mine" and pass the saucer round). I tend towards the second approach myself - and theres rarely any "discussion" once I've said that - people just fall in and do the same. I deal with the fact that sometimes someone pipes up "and we ought to leave a tip too" by leaving one if appropriate or saying nothing and just putting in my exact money (or as near to it as I can manage - so as not to have to pay too much extra) if the food/service wasnt good enough to warrant a tip (think theres various worse-level restaurants round here that must have wondered how come they'd had an unusual percentage for a tip - as some people had left tips, but I was fed-up with having had poor food and/or service from them and therefore hadnt done so..)

celyn90

What I can't understand is the sort of person that would order something expensive then not put down the extra themselves. I try not to associate with people who behave like this although it is hard if it's a do where you don't know people. I always make a point of adding the extra if I have ordered something more costly as it isn't fair and it can usually force others to do the same to save face.

I tend to be the one that grabs the bill and works it out, if people insist on splitting I will put my foot down and at least insist alcohol is paid separetely as this is often the killer. I also tend to be acutely aware of those in the party who are being prudent (having been in that situation myself many times) and will often be the one that speaks up and forces people to play fair so they don't have to say anything.

My mum hates going out with my dads friends (the sorts that order pints and chasers at every round but their own) - she is tee-total and my dad normally driving and they can't afford to spend like that. My dad is too proud to say anything and I find it upsetting that people behave so badly.

pinkshoes

Personally, I think dividing up the bill to the last penny is SO an*l!! As a general rule of thumb, it's really not that hard to work out roughly what you owe, then add 10% for safety!

Saying that, all my "friends" I dine out with are like minded honest people.

Birthday and Hen parties are a different matter, where you don't necessarily know people. I went to a birthday dinner once (as a poor student), and 12 of us had a Thai meal.

Being broke, I just had a cheap main course and 1 glass of wine, then tap water. Thai food isn't really my thing, so I wasn't fussed about a starter and extras. Half the people had to leave slightly early, so left their money and went. Unfortunately, they'd forgotten the 15% service charge for groups, and forgotten that the Birthday girl wasn't expected to pay (agreed before hand), so the 5 of us left (6th was Birthday girl!) ended up having to cough up the £60 that was short.

It left me with just enough to get into the club, and thankfully I'd already paid for the train ticket home, but I had to drink tap water all night. What made my night miserable was that one of those who left early then had the cheek to call be a boring cow for drinking tap water!! I was fuming and nearly threw it over them!

MrsE_2

*Louise* wrote: »

I like reading threads like this - it's interesting to see other people's perceptions on an issue like this.

I have never had a problem when out with members of my family. Everyone works out what their meal was and rounds it up, usually leaves a good tip at the end. Simple

I went out with OH's family once for someone's birthday meal - never again. 'Someone' (never found out who) decided that the cost of the meal should be split equally between the 6 men present :rolleyes: That's all very well - but one man had his wife and 3 children with him, another had his wife and 2 grown up daughters, 2 of the women had drunk 3 bottles of wine between them (OH and I drank juice) etc etc so we were having to subsidise all of them.
Never been out for a big group meal like that again, we have drinks and nibbles at ours for birthdays now lol

Thats the one my family used to try & pull, we are non-drinkers with one child:rolleyes:

dondo

As my wife and I are vegetarian we quite often end up with a cheaper main course than our carnivore friends when we are out for a meal. But I have a good appettite so normally have a starter and pudding which kind of equalled things out and we generally didn't mind splitting things even stevens.

But back to the original poster- definitely say something at the start- I have done similar in the past when been a bit skint and gone out for soemdrinks with friends and opted out of rounds for that very reason.

Mind you the paying for what you ate people can be annoying when they're not entirely honest. I remember being out a good few years ago with a big group of about 20 work colleagues and some people had to leave before the bill came so just handed money for what they said they had ate/drank but when the bill came the sums didn't quite add up and they had evidently drank and/or ate more than they said (and hadn't factored in a tip that is automatically applied for big groups) so those remaining got stiffed to put in extra

Barcode

I would say something at the start.

An old friend of mine, unbeknown to us, only announced she was a bit broke that month at the end of the meal. The bill was around £100 between four of us, and part of that was due to the wine. She put £10 on the table and explained she did not have much money - she should have said that before having the same as everyone else. Thing is, had she said, I daresay we would have been fine, perhaps had the same things, and told her she could buy us drinks whenever she had some more money. It was the *assumption* that we would cover her that was problematic.