How do I broach bill-splitting when dining out with friends?

babelfish

On another note, we went out with two other friends last Saturday and we always add all the drinks and everything onto the bill and just split it in half at the end. The thing is that my OH was driving and therefore just had one small beer and I had two glasses of wine because Im just not the type of person who can just guzzle and guzzle alcohol. The lady of the other party only had one lemonade because she was driving but her OH had beer after beer after beer followed by wine.

We were well aware that his drinking was pushing the bill up but I can honestly say we didn't mind because I know if it was the other way round they wouldn't mind either. Plus, the last time we went out it was their wedding anniversary celebration and they paid the whole bill as a treat, which was lovely of them.

MrsE_2

babelfish wrote: »

Pete and Mary, by the way, were the most well off of all six of us and went on expensive holidays, so it isn't as though her behaviour was fuelled by a need to save the pennies.

I don't think that is relevant.

My maths however is pretty good & anyone I'm dining with knows this. They would be happy to accept my calculations.

If Mary wanted to challange the bill, she should have made sure her maths was up to scratch.

PasturesNew

I would state quite categorically that rounds/splitting bills has actually been a major decider for me to not go out when asked. Many times there's the chance something would end up in a meal, with people I'd never met before/people I didn't know that well - and due to previous experiences I'd know that this problem would occur.... so on many occasions I have said no to going out just because I didn't want to be made to pay for other people and be made to feel like !!!!!! for raising it.

It's the wine drinkers, shots drinkers, brandy drinkers - and those that want poppodums/starters and who wante 2-3 extra side dishes - and who want the pricey meat dishes (especially king prawn).

When you have literally been caught out virtually every time in your entire life that you venture out to try to meet people ... and end up getting called names and going home feeling like poo ... it's really not worth the hassle and you stop trying to make friends after about 25 years of it.

babelfish

MrsE wrote: »

I don't think that is relevant.

I agree that it isn't relevant but I didn't want anyone reading my post to think that perhaps Mary was behaving like this because money was tight. She was just being a total b*t*h! As I said, no one would have minded if she had said "Can I just work ours out properly?" but she didn't, she was being very nasty and accusing of my OH of being mean or trying to make money out of them, which he wasn't. There was no need for her behaviour at all!

galvanizersbaby

PasturesNew wrote: »

A nice theory, but I don't have friends, never eat out with family and have no colleagues. All my eating out is done with people I might never see again - and who mostly always earn 2x what I do and/or have a partner so their income is 3-4x mine... they are also invariably drinkers of wine/beer. Fuelled by drink and not having to watch pennies ever, they do tend (by the time the bill has come) to be very gung ho about anything, incapable of listening or reasoning and are beating one down en masse about being "tight".

It's OK saying "well don't see them again", but the truth is I probably won't, but what to do ... you can't go being assertive with them as it'd really spoil things more than they have been already. Also, usually, a waiter will bring the bill to a man and it's too late to grab it first. If I'm flush, I don 't mind rounding mine up by a few quid, but when it's the difference between £7-8 and splitting a bill and paying out £20-25 EVERY time, it used to get annoying.

Nobody else would eat out if EVERY time they ate out all their food etc was always 3x the price.

It has stopped me from even going out with people to be honest. Over the years I've turned down many an invitation because I couldn 't see how to manage the bill paying part. I dread it when I am out and somebody says "let's go for a curry" because I know that it will usually cost me a lot more than I've spent .. and that's on top of having bought rounds of drinks all night that have meant my drinks bill would have cost me £4 and I've already spent £20.

It's just that whole way they have of making out you're the tight/awkward one when all you're trying to do is pay your own way ... and not 3x the cost all the time.

Pastures - that's awful
Where do you find these people?

minerva_windsong

I don't go out for dinner with big groups a lot - it's normally just my family, my boyfriend's family or a very small group of friends from uni. Most of the time when I have gone out with big groups it's been a '£X for two/three courses' type deal, although we did get a separate drinks bill purely to make things easier for dividing up the money as we were all poor students at the time...

The only time I can ever remember going to a restaurant and there being a dispute about the bill was when a bunch of people I knew through a political party at uni and in the town went to dinner at an Indian restaurant after party conference. The food took ages to be served, mine and another friend's meal didn't come until ages after the others and was cold, and they charged us for loads of stuff we didn't order. When we complained they tried to palm us off with a bottle of wine for a table of about 15 people, most of whom were drinking. It wasn't a cheap place either - I think it cost us about £16 each in the end even after we got the stuff we didn't order knocked off the bill.

That said though normally I'm happy to split the bill, but most of my eating out tends to be in places where the difference between meals is a couple of quid at most, and as my boyfriend and most of my friends are in the same boat as me we mostly use discount vouchers and tend not to splash out on pricey extras.

I'd also like to stand up as a representative of the female half of a couple who does actually buy rounds herself when she's out with her boyfriend as part of a group!

galvanizersbaby

I've just read the thread and realised I've been quite lucky with dining out situations.

With colleagues the dining out is covered by the company so no worries there (I prob wouldn't go if I had to pay myself as my work colleagues wouldn't exactly be top of my list to dine with)

With my close girlie friends - we all drink wine (so economical to share bottle and split the bill) - we all earn varying amounts but my best friend is a high income DINK and is always the 'mother' amongest us - taking the bill - working out the tip and deducting monies for any non drinkers - I am happy to trust it to her - known her 20+ years

With my partner we only tend to go out with people we know and the bill is usually split

I once had a friend who only drank diet coke so if she came out with us she would give whoever was going to the bar a quid for her drink - that way she didn't have to buy a round - nobody had a problem with this though her pound was often refused by the bar goer - I don't think this was a problem and she certainly wasn't the sort of person to be offended by comments - unfortunately as a person she was damn hard work - she was a very particular person and whoa betide anyone who came back with ordinary coke rather than diet as she would always return it to the bar - then an arguement would follow over whether diet coke was asked for and whether in fact the coke was diet or not with others being invited to taste it
Think she emigrated in the end - hope she's not reading this thread bless her!!!:eek:

PasturesNew

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Pastures - that's awful
Where do you find these people?

Everywhere. Everybody. Every year. Every town.

Dunno how I do it really.

Hermia

PasturesNew wrote: »

When you have literally been caught out virtually every time in your entire life that you venture out to try to meet people ... and end up getting called names and going home feeling like poo ... it's really not worth the hassle and you stop trying to make friends after about 25 years of it.

A bitter & twisted view, but I know what you mean! I really cannot be bothered going out with some people now. I am happy to pay my own, a comtribution to the tip and a bit on top, but that is it. I have lost count of the times I have eaten/drunk about £10 worth in a restaurant and then been told my contribution is £35! I don't drink because I am always driving plus I just cannot eat mains, starters, sides and a dessert (how are people not sick?!). I think some people do take the p***. I remember going out with some work colleagues and their husbands. Two of the husbands asked if we were splitting the bill and as soon as someone said yes they ordered the most expensive items on the menu! I remember one of them ordered a £22 main in a restaurant where most of the mains were in the £6-10 range!

A single friend of mine went out with two couples once and at the end of the night the two couples decided it would be easier to just split the bill three ways! Even if the bill had been split five ways she would have been out of pocket as she could not drink as she was driving whereas one person from each couple was able to drink. Splitting the bill three ways would have meant she would have been subsidising the couples to the tune of about £40!

I don't think you should too picky in restaurants, but I think people should try and be fair.

PasturesNew

Hermia wrote: »

A bitter & twisted view, but I know what you mean!

It's not bitter and twisted if it's true though is it.

And you can see from this thread that it is true for many people.

There are some selfish, greedy bugg4hs out there who are trying to steal from the others... yes, steal.

If we are not going to split the bill and I leave my handbag on the table, is it OK for somebody to dip into it to take £10 out to put towards their part of the bill because they've ordered every course and drinks ...? No, but that's effectively what they're doing.