How do I broach bill-splitting when dining out with friends?

stardoman

Several years ago a large group of us went out for a meal. Money was tight for me and at least 2 of the other people. The night got off to a bad start as the person who I shared a taxi with to get there went straight to the bar, ordered a bottle of wine, explained we were eating there and had it put on the bill. We were also the first ones there. I thought that this was just not on. Everyone else paid for their first drink at the bar.

During the course of the meal she ordered lots of bottles of wine, apparantly to share, but only her side of the table got to access them. I was pregnant (but hadn't told anyone yet) so I drank the table water. Another friend had just returned from another country and so had a lot of moving costs and no job. She only ordered a starter and like me drank the table water.

At the end of the meal, the women who ordered all the booze wanted the bill split. The things I had bought came to less than £10 but I was supposed to chip in £25. My friend who had only had the starter had spent just £5 but was expected to pay £25!

Anyway, we decided to stand up for ourselves and refused to pay the excess. Two of the girls I hadn't met before and they had a right go at me, calling me tight and lots of other names. Because 3 of us were not in a position to pay, we stood up for ourselves. It did sour the evening though.

I do split the bill at other times. I have one group of friends where we usually do this. However, we also usually order similar amounts of food. Last time I ordered an expensive fish dish and put extra in. When we counted the money we had far too much and ended up using some of the excess to get the next round of drinks!

Mandy.

zzzLazyDaisy

3onitsway wrote: »

Tightness is one of the things that really drives me insane! :mad:

Me too. I once went on a first date with a chap who ordered a J2O in a pint glass topped up with soda water. Nothing wrong with that, but the barman charged him 20p for the soda water... he argued with the barman for a good 5 mins that most pubs give the soda water free and that's why he has it, and if he'd known he wouldn't have come to this pub. I was very embarrassed and felt like saying 'here's the F***ing 20p now shut up about it'

There was no second date.........

mrscb

OH has a mate that is really tight....if there is a group out and we are not in rounds he will ask you to get him a pint then hand you some cash.However a few times when its been checked its alot less than the drink or a handful of copper.Also if we are out for a meal there is always someone that doesnt havent cash so will ask everyone else for their share including tip but only pay the normalk bill on their card.....Basically stealing from friends:mad:.....
Tight b**tards

judyjetson

Why don't you suggest that because things are a bit tight atm you go somewhere that has a set price menu, either happy hour type place, or Chinese buffet-style? That way you're all going to pay the same and you can pay for drinks separately.

If anybody wants anything different, fine, they pay the extra, you've already flagged up the fact you're a bit skint so can't subsidise them.

And tell them you're not so flush - they may not actually realise. Some people think that if you've had a lump sum redundancy payment you must be ok.

barnaby-bear

Queen-Bee wrote: »

I'd really appreciate some thoughts/advice on this one.

I've recently been made redundant, and have to be very, very careful with money.

A couple of times I have been out with friends for supper and have been very careful to choose the cheaper dishes on the menu, forgo starter/pudding etc, and not have any wine, asking for tap water instead.

However, when the bill came, on both occasions (with different sets of friends), it was split equally, three ways.

If the positions were reversed, I would have been sensitive enough to suggest we carve it up so that the person in my position only paid for what they actually ordered.

Do people think this is reasonable? And if so, any suggestions as to how I might be able to raise it without making an issue about it?

I didn't say anything on either occasion. It annoyed me that I ended up subsidising other people's choices at a time when I am financially stretched.

I don't want to cut myself off from all social contact with my friends, but would rather not let this happen again.

We went out for dinner for 14, aware we are a DINK, have been there done that,service was excellent we put i enough to cover us and the ENTIRE tip - the bill was short I still will go for a cheaper option if offered

thisuseridistakenagain

I ended up im a similar spot recently, on a work do i organised we went for a set menu of tapas at £12:99 per head. I picked the set menu because as an admin for a team of decently paid recruitment consultants i wanted to make sure i knew the price i was in for at the end.

when the end of the meal came i got out my £12:99 and my manager delcared that it was a split bill of £44 each!!!
Everyine had got really drunk and they were including the drinks on there too! (i had the free glass of wine which as included in the set menu) I was mortifies and too ashamed/annoyed to bring it up so i stuck a tenner on the bill plate on the sly and watched as they argued abotu who hadnt paid enough.

I was fuming and never went out with them again. grrrr!!

I'm honest with my actual friends, although some of them always like to leave a tip, and i really dont. and i get a bit of stick for it. what are your opinions of tipping when you are skint?!

ceridwen

PasturesNew wrote: »

I was out with a couple one night. The drinks were: pint for him, tonic water for her, diet coke for me. Their combined income was £80k, mine was £15k. I bought the first round, he bought the next round... then she told me it was my turn again .... I enquired "How?" ... and it seemed that they were used to going out with their regular couple friends and had been for years ... and it was always the thing that the bloke bought all the drinks and the women in their group never did. So to her, it was my round again (even though I am female).

Some people just don't think straight.

I even hate rounds, I am always on half a coke - and others are on pints. Yet I buy as many rounds as they do (unless I can get out of rounds), I also find they neck their pints quicker than I nurse my cokes, so I end up missing out on some rounds ... until it's my turn again.

I'd ban splitting meals and rounds if I were in charge.

Quite agree Pastures.

I guess my social life tends to consist more of people who are out on their own (even if coupled-up) on the one hand and - again - we usually "go dutch" there. Just as well - as I only want a couple of drinks and thats me finished drinking for the evening....In fact though heavy drinking isnt the norm in my "circle" anyway. I'm not aware of a single "heavy drinker" in my circle - everyone seems to either drink very moderately (like myself) or to be teetotal.

I've never gone in for the roundsbuying culture - even in my heavier-drinking days way back. But certainly I expect that people are counted individually and not per couple - a way of thinking that would certainly mean people on their own subsidising the couples.

I think - all round - that it helps if the norm in one's "circle" is to go dutch/play fair. The only time problems usually occur is if it comes to a meal out with work colleagues or my brother+wife. So I avoid the work meals and make it plain to my brother that I'm just covering my own costs and half the cost of the parents (if applicable). But then - I dont actually see the point of going out with work colleagues en masse anyway - I'll just go out on an individual basis with any that I am actually friends with. In my "circles" the only time I've noticed problems is with a "food to share" meal with a noticeable number of couples present - on those occasions there occasionally hasnt been quite enough food/drink (because some couples bring one "share" worth of food between them or one bottle of booze between them - rather than the one "share"/one bottle EACH they should bring).

ceridwen

thisuseridistakenagain wrote: »

I'm honest with my actual friends, although some of them always like to leave a tip, and i really dont. and i get a bit of stick for it. what are your opinions of tipping when you are skint?!

I dislike the way that - in more conventional-type meal out settings there is usually one person who automatically assumes (on behalf of everyone else) that a tip will be given by everyone. Its not up to people to decide how other people spend their money - or otherwise.

I believe that each individual person decides for themself whether to leave a tip or no - and, if so, how much. Personally - I think along the lines of giving a tip if its merited and not if it isnt IYSWIM. The whole idea of a tip is a "thank you" for particularly good food and/or service - which could also be translated into leaving a tip if the food seems cheaper than one had expected from that type of place. Whats the point of giving a tip for good service and food - if one hasnt HAD good service and food? Its a judgement call for each person to make personally as to whether they believe the service/food were good enough to warrant a tip.

I mentally allow the standard 10% - and hand it over if its warranted and not if its not - and dont expect other people to decide for me either way.

As regards if one intends to leave a tip - but is too broke to do so - then I guess its better that the restaurant has sold an extra meal/drinks than if they hadnt - it still represents "business" that helps them to stay open.

Gillby1

I'm lucky that my group of girlfriends and i usually share all our food and bottles of wine quite equally. Mainly coz there's always a 50% off voucher floating around for a certain Spanish themed tapas restaurant, and tapas is great for sharing!

However, my partner and i do occassionally go for a drink with one couple who are incredibly tight. They ALWAYS usher us in through the pub door first, so we inevitably find ourselves at the bar buying the first round. Then he'll drink his first drink so fast that when he goes to get the next round none of us are ready for another drink, and his girlfriend says no thanks coz she's'not drinking tonight'. Then as soon as my partner and i are ready to buy the next round, he'll say 'another round already? I'd better get this down then!' and will literally down almost a whole pint so he can accept a drink from us. Of course, we have to ask his girlfriend if she wants a drink, and she'll look unsure for a few seconds, then say, 'oh, alright then. I suppose i'd better have a double rum and coke so i can catch up with you drunkards!'. This will continue all evening! I'm really not the type to compain about friends, but this happens every time!

Phew, feel better now. Rant over!

Anyway, i agree - best to mention at the start that you aren't drinking/don't have much money and would therefore like to pay just your share of the bill.

chnelomi

One thing that seems to be clear from most of the reply's is how the drinks on the tab can scream the price up. It's never really been a problem for me as usually if we go out for a meal it's 2 drinks max with the meal and if we pay our own way it doesn't matter.

Although one time me and OH went out for a meal together and when we got to the restaurant their was a couple that we knew that asked us to join them for the meal. We had a pleasant evening and near the end just before we asked for the bill they said they were meeting people in the bar next door and were late through us chatting so long.

They left us £30 to cover their bill saying just leave the extra as a tip, I remember saying to the OH big spenders as our bill is usually around £28. When the bill came I had to question the poor waiter how it was so high (£115) They neglected to mention that they had a couple in with them at the start that had a starter each plus her and hubby had a few bottles of wine.

I marched to the pub where they were meeting their friends(left OH sitting in restaurant) and gave her a right showing up, the other couple at the table were the friends from the restaurant and they were angry she had only given us the £30 they had left to cover their share of the bill. Their for leaving nothing for her or hubby expecting us to cover the bill.

She had to do the walk of shame into the restaurant to pay the bill and didn't leave a tip after all that.

She crosses the road when she sees me now.:beer:
Another one that gets me is the people who ask for double vodkas etc then on their round by singles even when they say do you want a double. i only ever by doubles for good friends that return the favor now. And i hate the ones that say lets share a taxi and jump out without paying their share.