How do I broach bill-splitting when dining out with friends?

chnelomi

When i was younger and i started a new job i was invited on a night out by some of the girls i worked with and we set up the kitty as i always done with my friends etc. But this night resulted in me being seen as a bad sport that wanted more than her share.

We all put in £20 held by a colleague who done the bar run. at the end of the night i was sober not even a little flush with alcohol honestly i doubt a breathalyzer would have picked up anything. when i added up my drinks and the cost it was about £6

Yet all my colleagues were falling over drunk and as i stayed in the opposite direction i had to get the bus alone they used the kitty money for their taxi. i had been parched most of the night.I realized they were all getting shots and bottles of house wine to share but i was only being given one small drink. then i was having to wait till they were finished their bottles before i got another drink, 2/3 glasses out of each bottle but when i pointed it out they turned pretty nasty saying the bottle was a drink and if i felt like that i should get a bottle. i don't drink wine.

Never went out with them again and i ever since i have always made sure that drinks are fair and no one is left supporting someone's drinking. Shots are not included when i do a kitty and everyone has a good night.

When it is meals we always discuss (ok i usually ask)before we order how things are being split i ask who is strapped for cash and decide amounts for an even split cut off.

zzzLazyDaisy

When I eat out with my friends, we just split the bill equally. But none of us drink because we drive to meet up, and we are all on similar incomes. However, now and again one of us will have a tight month for some reason and rather than not meet up, we just have separate bills, or occasionally if it is just two of us one will treat the other on the understanding that the favour will be returned at some point. It is swings and roundabouts. But thats because we all know each other and are good friends.

I remember once, when I was at Uni doing temping, one of the work experience girls was leaving. We all went for a meal, there must have been about 12 of us. The WE girl was obviously on a tight budget and just had pasta and a coke. The Manager and Assistant Manager (big buddies) had the works - three courses, wine, brandy etc. I don't remember what I had, but it would have been something in between. Anyway, when the bill came, the manager just split it equally. Then the two of then went on and on about how reasonable the meal was and how 'we must do this again'. Well of course the meal was reasonable for them, the rest of us were subsidising their meals and drinks. I especially felt sorry for the WE girl, she was on some govt training scheme and paid a pittance, but as I had only just started there, I didn't feel able to speak up. I never went out with them again. tbh, I really don't think the two of them had any idea - they were well paid and money was no object - they were just thoughtless. But it taught me a lesson about being fair to staff/colleagues/friends that I have never forgotten.

sharkie

ceridwen wrote: »

Certainly I would go down the route of making it plain at the beginning of the evening that I was only going to pay for what I actually had - whatever way I phrased it......

I agree with this. You have to tell them at the beginning of the evening, state it out loud, open and honestly you are jobless, short of cash, have not won the lottery, this is now a luxury and would like to pay separately, and it great to see them.

when i've been a bit strapped, my friends have paid for me. However when they are out of work I've paid for them. OK the are only cheap £10 meals all way round, rather than £60 per head and they do not drink.

Also going to indian restaurants which do not sell alcohol and bring in your own, saves a packet.

oompahloompah

I'll admit that this irritates me too :mad: but I think the suggestion of being totally upfront at the start is an excellent one; I might employ it myself!
The main bugbear for me is that I don't drink, when I'm out with my friends they all do, wine, cocktails etc - if it's not a meal out we usually have a "kitty" for the drink, where I put in half of what everyone else does, but since I'll have about 3 diet cokes the whole night it is a bit expensive. A meal out is usually split between everyone but again since I don't drink my share should probably be much less.
The worst was when it was my son's birthday and he wanted to go to a particular restaurant for lunch - quite pricey but he wasn't having a party so we said okay. Family members invited themselves along - but when the bill came they didn't even offer to put anything into it, we were left to stump up the whole bill, over £200 as they had all been drinking and neither DH nor I had. That was pretty frustrating but I didn't say anything as they are family. Might keep the birthday plans to ourselves in future though!

terryw

A smashing thread. Thank you OP.

Please forgive me for going off-topic.

In a previous life about twenty years ago, I was a lecturer in further education. I really believe that educational trips are excellent for the students, but on a point of ethics, I always paid my full cost (no wonder I never became an MP!). Anyway, we took a bunch of students to Brussels to see the EU in action although we did manage to fit in a visit to the Stella brewery for purely educational reasons. One of the other lecturers (female) bummed all over the trip. The males (including me) paid for the drinks all the time (bars in Brussels can be very very expensive)...she drank loads and loads but never offered to pay. Not once. At meal-times, she ordered the cheapest meal and only paid her share.

I never saw her again until last year. I idly switched on the tv, and the channel was showing a stupid silly nonquiz-show ........I believe it is called "Deal or No Deal". The cadger was on the show.
She won £50,000. There is no God.!

On the bright side, I was once invited to a wedding when I was young and times were hard. After the wedding, I was sitting at a large table when someone suggested a kitty for the table of (say) £5. I chipped in withour hesitation. The bride's father (outside the kitty) bought a round for the table. So did the bridegroom's father. And the uncle of the bride, and the cousin of the bride, and the best-man. And hosts of others. People at the table in the kitty also left. At closing time, (10.30 in those days), there were only four people left. We divided the remaining Kitty.............It worked out at £25 per man! I was a happy bunny.

In a nutshell, what goes round comes around (Except Deal or no Deal!). Karma rules. Ask Earl!

moggitymog

I would be honest and say I can't afford to go, then agree to go but tell them you will have to get the cheapest thing on the menu, that should make it clear that is all you are paying for

PasturesNew

I was out with a couple one night. The drinks were: pint for him, tonic water for her, diet coke for me. Their combined income was £80k, mine was £15k. I bought the first round, he bought the next round... then she told me it was my turn again .... I enquired "How?" ... and it seemed that they were used to going out with their regular couple friends and had been for years ... and it was always the thing that the bloke bought all the drinks and the women in their group never did. So to her, it was my round again (even though I am female).

Some people just don't think straight.

I even hate rounds, I am always on half a coke - and others are on pints. Yet I buy as many rounds as they do (unless I can get out of rounds), I also find they neck their pints quicker than I nurse my cokes, so I end up missing out on some rounds ... until it's my turn again.

I'd ban splitting meals and rounds if I were in charge.

3onitsway

I think its perfectly acceptable to state at the beginning that you'd prefer to keep your bill seperate as you're a bit skint at the moment.
If it was me, with my friends, i'm sure we'd realise without the 'skint one' having to say anything.



We've got a notoriously 'tight' section of our family. At a big meal for my sisters 21's - one cousins asked if we were just splitting the bill at then end - we agreed we would.
Then he said 'cool, if we're splitting it i'll get the king prawns'. :eek:

Then he ordered a load of breads, sides, beers, wines etc.


At the end, he argued with the waiters to get one of the naan breads taken off the bill, as it didn't taste quite right! (He managed to eat it though!).

It worked out at about £25 each, including a good tip - for an absolutely gorgeous meal with wonderful service - and he produced £10 out of his pocket - it was all he'd brought out. He tried to have his part paid out of the tip money! :eek:

We quickly gave him directions to the cash point! :mad:

I was so embarrassed - this was mine & OH's local Indian restaurant, where the food and service is brilliant - and they'd really impressed us with the service - giving us our own room, balloons and free wine for my sisters birthday.

Tightness is one of the things that really drives me insane! :mad:

peachyprice

PasturesNew wrote: »

What annoys me in these situations is when you've sat and had just the main meal and a jug of water ... while everybody else ordered starters, wine, king prawn everything plus extras they never ate, more wine, coffee, couple of brandies .... then when you point out you spent £8 so here's £10 ... they make out YOU are being tight, or unfair. It's the greedy !!!!!!!!!!s that are the tight/unfair ones.

I don't know how to solve it. I always pay for myself when I go out, even if I have to dig my heels in (because if I am sat there with just £10 in my pocket I can 't split the bill and magic up £20-25 out of thin air).... but they do make you feel like !!!!!!.

We need a phrase that says "It's FAIR that we all pay for what we had - so the freeloading b4stards among us don't get a chance to ponce by bullying others to pay for it ... "

Why on earth would you want to go out for a meal with 'friends' like that :rotfl:

terryw

PasturesNew wrote: »

SNIP for brevity

I'd ban splitting meals and rounds if I were in charge.

It was during the war!

bw