Elderly mother & hygiene & family sharing jobs/care

Valli

I recall you said she has been (OMG how to put this tactfully) not the daintiest of ladies all her life.
(in fact your situation has been in my thoughts so mush I was wondering how it was going).
I am not sure how it works but if she wont go into more appropriate accomodation of her own volition she can be sectioned for her own safety.
If a doctor will section her that is - please bear with me I am a layperson so I might not be 100% I am just going on what happened with my own relatives).
In fact one satursday I arrived at my elderly Aunt/uncle to find them gone - he was not with it enough to remember who was looking after them that week (me) or how to get hold of me! so she ended up in hospital and he was taken to an old peoples home. Ironically it's half a mile from here - much nearer than their flat.
I got there, found them gone, no note, rang hospitals and THEY COULD NOT DISCLOSE INFORMATION
they wouldn't tell me whehter either/both were inpatients UNTIL I GOT REALLY SHIRTY AND SAID HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND THEM THEN IF NO ONE WILL TELL ME (yes I shouted - how is it data protection? I was sitting in their flat using their phone)
sorry I digress (see sig!)

anyway - might be worth asking doc if she can be sectioned. I would cite the burn as evidence she is no longer fit to be left. I would also point out to the docs that (as they might well know) you are being left to bear this burden alone and are not prepared to accept responsibility should she burn down her flat/building.

Me being me I would write to docs/SS/hospital (same letter just CCs to them all) stating that you cannot be held responsible for her behaviour/medication/lack of hygiene/inadeqaute diet and any and every problem you feel she has or should be helped with.

here -
Being sectioned

Being sectioned means you are detained, under the Mental Health Act, for hospital treatment.

The law, in a nutshell

The Mental Health Act 1983, is divided into 10 parts - each one covering a specific area. It is a complex piece of legislation, and some critics argue that reform is needed, especially for the rules outlining the compulsory admission to hospital and treatment of the patient without their consent.
Under what circumstances could I be detained for hospital treatment?

Initially, an approved social worker, or your nearest relative, can make an application to have you detained for assessment, based on two medical recommendations (i.e. your doctor). The grounds for the application are set out under different sections of the Mental Health Act 1983.
Section Two is most often called upon to secure a hospital assessment. To qualify, it must be agreed that you're suffering from a mental disorder to a degree that warrants medical care and attention. Under Section Two, you can be detained for up to 28 days.
If a longer stay is deemed necessary for treatment, (initially for six months) an application under Section Three of the Mental Health Act 1983 will be required. Under this section, the mental disorder that you're suffering from must be specified, as well as any treatment proposed. Section Four covers emergency cases, and enables one doctor to order you to 'rest' in hospital for 72 hours.

came from here

MrsE_2

Thank you Valli for taking the time & trouble to respond.
I will see what SS &/or her doctor says.

Valli

you're welcome

it's a thankless task you have there and I hope you have a strong back because you will be called a thankless uncaring daughter by somebody because they will take a look at your mother and the state she is in and wonder why 'someone' ie you MrsE didn't do something about it.
As if it were that easy!
Well hopefully the public (ie those who haven't had to deal with bloody-minded elderly relatives) will come to realise that sometimes, with the best willl in the world, you cannot force someone to do what they refuse to do. And not blame you - but realise she was in a state of entirely her own making.

MrsE_2

Valli wrote: »

you're welcome

I work for SS (not operational) so know a very bit little about sectioning.

One of the ATMS said she could section me for my OCD:o & her colleague who is just as bad as me - if not worse:D

I don't work/live in the same country as my mum though, so different SS.

puddy

have read this thread, im sorry for your experiences, i think that the way the systems treat the elderly in this country is disgraceful.
as family members we are not trained or equipped always to care for people with such severe and special needs, i know i could not do it (im a childrens SW) and dread the day when my parents start to look a bit dodgy.

with children's services there are laws to protect them from harm, which you might argue override their 'rights', but it has been decided that its in their best interests.
yet when it comes to adults, we just say, 'oh well, its her choice to get so dirty that she smells, has rashes, skin disorders, urine infections, depression, doesnt eat, smokes, puts herself at risk'

you will know as you work in SS that those that shout loudest get the services. make a fuss, state clearly that you are unable to care for her and that they need to ensure that she is eating, shopping, getting to appointments etc. express very clearly that your sisters are not able or willing to do this despite their proxmity but that they will give an impression of doing it. the overworked SW speaking to your sisters will be only too pleased to close the case having spoken to your sisters who tell the SW, yes we are supporting our mum. If this happens, you write again and document that 3 appointments have been missed, or she hasnt any food in the house etc.
put your efforts into getting professional help rather than trying anymore with your mum or your sisters.

good luck

ceridwen

MrsE wrote: »

She won't hear of it & sisters won't be honest in front of people about their lack of help. They won't be contactable but if cornered (& I guess they would need to be for this) they will pretend to be dutiful daughters in front of people.
I could try I guess, she doesn't have a social worker anymore as she is classed as stable.

Well....at least you've got your sisters weighed-up. There ARE indeed a lot of people (it would appear) that are the "picture of innocence/helpfulness" if "push comes to shove" - and one is left there wishing everyone could "see them for what they are". But - having said that - that would be a pointless waste of time to try to show others that they arent what they seem - so put that particular little aspect of this behind you.

You've done what you could - and a heck of a lot more than most people would have in your situation - so now its time to ask for help officially.

Good luck.

Take care

love

ceridwen
x

ceridwen

jenner wrote: »

have read this thread, im sorry for your experiences, i think that the way the systems treat the elderly in this country is disgraceful.
as family members we are not trained or equipped always to care for people with such severe and special needs, i know i could not do it (im a childrens SW) and dread the day when my parents start to look a bit dodgy.

with children's services there are laws to protect them from harm, which you might argue override their 'rights', but it has been decided that its in their best interests.
yet when it comes to adults, we just say, 'oh well, its her choice to get so dirty that she smells, has rashes, skin disorders, urine infections, depression, doesnt eat, smokes, puts herself at risk'

you will know as you work in SS that those that shout loudest get the services. make a fuss, state clearly that you are unable to care for her and that they need to ensure that she is eating, shopping, getting to appointments etc. express very clearly that your sisters are not able or willing to do this despite their proxmity but that they will give an impression of doing it. the overworked SW speaking to your sisters will be only too pleased to close the case having spoken to your sisters who tell the SW, yes we are supporting our mum. If this happens, you write again and document that 3 appointments have been missed, or she hasnt any food in the house etc.
put your efforts into getting professional help rather than trying anymore with your mum or your sisters.

good luck

Yep - I'll second that.