Elderly mother & hygiene & family sharing jobs/care

Hattifattener_2

Just a thought, but if your mother sits smoking all day but doesn't go out, who buys the cigarettes?

Could she be bribed to bathe by 'rationing' them?

I know it sounds harsh but desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.

MrsE_2

Hattifattener wrote: »

Just a thought, but if your mother sits smoking all day but doesn't go out, who buys the cigarettes?

Could she be bribed to bathe by 'rationing' them?

I know it sounds harsh but desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.

I buy the fags (or I did). Sisters will have to buy them for a while.

Its not really possible to do that I live 9 miles away & work 16 miles away, so I can't pop in with fags all the time IYKWIM.

margaretclare

In most of the sheltered accommodation complexes that I know of - there are a few in and around our little town centre - the people go out and do their own shopping. There are a lot of them on market days in their buggies, going round the market. It's not like a residential home - it's kind of in between living in your own house and living in a flat in a complex, where there's someone on-call in case of emergency.

MrsE_2

An update two months on.

Sisters are not doing a good job - despite their being two of them & living in the same town & county as her:rolleyes:

She frequently runs out of things, shopping & even medicines.

Not making sure she has money (from the cash point) to pay her cleaner, hairdresser or chiropodist.

How hard is it to do her shopping when they do their own & drop it around:rolleyes:
I had to do a 20 mile round trip to get her shopping. Mum lives a couple of hundred years from where one of them shops:rolleyes:

I've told her to pick up the phone & call them, but I think she doesn't like to bother them:mad:
She doesn't mind ringing me if she can't turn her TV on or over though:rolleyes:

Dreading Xmas, its my turn to have her this year.
I really don't think I can.
I honestly couldn't sit & eat next to her - she smells so bad & I'm so queasy about things like that.
Telling her to shower won't work, I read her the riot act before the hospital appointment & she wouldn't let the carers shower her & was in filthy clothes.

maturelearner

Really does sound like she has serious depression with her dementia and yes the two are seperate but intwined. My late grandmother had both.

Watched a wonderful story on television how people thought incapable of feeding & dressing themselves began to do things independantly when exposed to natural day light and were risen with the sun and put to sleep a dusk.

Problem is we're too wrapped up in our fast paced money orientated society to take time for those who we see as "difficult".

Yes, i write with bitterness as my mother would not allow me to act as full-time carer for my now late grandmother 7 years ago.

MrsE_2

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Although I have a funny feeling that you'll be telling us soon that you just "popped in" to check on her, and noone had been to visit.......

Was just re-reading, how right you are.

caevans

Hi
Haven't read through all the posts, but it sounds like you are having a very difficult time with your mum. From my experience,lack of personal hygiene is often one of the most common factors with someone who has dementia and I can see it is very difficult to get them to wash! Often a change in carer, ie. one that is a bit more 'bullying' to coax them into washing?
Does she have a consultant Psychiatrist? Could it be worth discussing an admission to hospital which would give them the chance to get to assess her fully in a safe environment as well as ensuring she gets a good clean! It would also give you (and your sisters?!) the chance to gut her house if you wanted to?

piratess

Im a carer in the community and its a very patchy thing .. we cannot force somone to take a shower nor can we force anyone to put clean clothes on, we can remind again and again even lay clothes out try and coax them but if they still say no then we have to respect their rights ..
same as meds and food all we can do is remind them prepare and leave if they choose not to take them or eat all we can do is relay it back to our managers ..

I hope you find a solution tho i really do x

ladylumps45

mrs E,
i have just read all of the posts on your thread and it reminds me so much of my mother who is 65.you say your mum has always been a bit whiffy so it stems back from when you were young .
my mum is completely sound of mind and fully capable of bathing but chooses not to.she goes for 3 weeks at a time without a bath and i find it utterly disgusting!
this also goes back to when i was little and i remember whiffing her,especially as she walked by or sat down and the stench wafted up:eek:
you say your mum likes her hair done,well funnily enough my mum spends half an hour a day brushing her teeth.it just doesnt make sense.its almost like they want to look clean on the outside but not bothered about underneath so to speak lol
it is definitely not dementia with my mum and cant have been with yours when you were younger(i understand that she suffers from it now)and i think that some people are just that way with hygiene.
my nan(mums mum) like yours was spotlessly clean until she went into hospital 6 weeks ago and is now in care home so mum wasnt brought up to be like this.
she used to have a go at me for having a bath when i lived at home and made me wear school uniform for a few weeks solid.i was only allowed a bath every sunday or else it was a wallop.
i find my mum embarrassing and her hair gets matted where its just not washed enough.she was rushed into hospital once and heaven knows what the staff thought in a and e when they had to cut her bottoms off! lol i know its not funny but i have to laugh or cry when i think of it.
i would like to just call it quits with my mum as she has scarred my life in many ways but i feel sorry for her for some reason and most of all,even though i dont know why,I LOVE HER.

MrsE_2

ladylumps45 wrote: »

it is definitely not dementia with my mum and cant have been with yours when you were younger(i understand that she suffers from it now)and i think that some people are just that way with hygiene.

Exactly, she does have dementia now, but shes always been a soap dodger:o

My mums teeth are foul, you can see this cream cheesey stuff thick on them:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: